For The Love Of Books
by NotYetLostFaith
Summary: To the girl at the table near the back of the library...
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note-Inspired by the letter at lalovelystories . files . wordpress 2012 / 12 / tumblr _ lik8f96gns1qb6t6wo1 _ 500 . png It's not the first time I've read it, but it struck a chord and I had to write. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. NYLF xx

* * *

He watched her as a tear escaped unhindered down her cheek.

She didn't move to wipe it away, simply letting it fall. Another followed it but her gaze never faltered.

He almost moved, forming half the decision to make his muscles make him stand and carry him to her side, to ask what has her so sad. But the decision stops there when he notices the book in her hands.

She turns the page with such reverence and devotion it's almost like a lovers caress, yet as delicate as a butterfly's wing.

He watches her, silently, unnoticed, for an hour. Watching the fascinating play of emotions over her face as she reads.

As she gets to the last page, he sees her shoulders slump just slightly, as if she's upset that it's ended. She closes the book slowly and pulls it into her chest, hugging it against her for a moment, eyes closed, just taking a moment to absorb everything she has just read. She takes a deep breath before opening her eyes, takes one last look at the book before returning it to the shelf behind her and slipping on her jacket before she leaves.

He watches her go before quickly making his way over to the shelf and taking the book she'd relinquished seconds before. He read it in it's entirety in the next hour and a half and was amused to find that he knew at exactly which point she started crying, because, not that he'd admit it later, he cried too.

It continued for weeks.

Every day he went to the library, and every day she was there, reading, holding the book and turning the pages as if they were made of gold leaf and would shatter at the slightest pressure.

And every day he would watch her, the emotions playing on her face, fascinated. Sometimes she'd smile, or laugh, or cry like she did that first time. Once or twice, she laid down the book, closed her eyes and took a deep breath before finding her place again, as if she was preparing herself for whatever was coming next.

Every time she reacted to the book she was reading, he'd check out the book once she'd left, interested to see if he had the same reactions. More than once, they matched identically.

After several months of watching her, reading the books that made her react so entirely, he looked at her, really looked at her, for the first time.

She was beautiful. Her smile lit up her face in the best way and even when she cried, her face crumpling, brow furrowing as crystal like tears cascaded down her cheeks, she was gorgeous.

She never noticed him, a fact he sorely regretted. But there was no way he had the guts to go and speak to her.

He wished she'd look up, smile at him, but her attention was always so entrapped by the book she was reading. And, while he wished she'd speak to him, or he had the guts to speak to her, he was so afraid that after months of watching her, she couldn't possibly live up to his view of her. And if he never got to talk to her, at least his imagination could conjure this perfect version of her in his head.

He always promised himself that one day; he'd just walk up to her and ask her about the book she was reading. Maybe she'd smile that gorgeous smile of hers and tell him about it. He could see her being so animated, as they discussed all of the books she had encouraged him to read just by reading them herself.

* * *

He doesn't go back to the library for a couple of months and when he does, he never expected to see her. But there she is, regular as clockwork, book in hand, sat at the back of the library. He watches as her eyes dance across the pages, knowing just by the way she holds it that she's just about to get to the story. But something he's noticed in all his time watching her, she reads every page. So he knows she's gotten to the third page, the dedication. He knows it because it's his book she's holding. His first book to be published, the very thing that kept him away from the library for all this time. He watches as a slow smile curves her mouth, until finally, the gorgeous full smile, all teeth and sparkly eyes, is there full on her face. She chuckles quickly before turning the page, immersing herself fully into the world he created for her. He smiles for the next two hours, as she reads, follows her page by page in his head, trying to match her reactions to what he had written. And she laughs, and cries, and smiles brilliantly. When she finishes, she holds his words to her chest and drops her chin on top of it. Her chin trembles as she cradles the book, swaying slightly. He wants to ask so badly, but knows it isn't his place. So he watches from afar. After a moment, she turns back to the dedication, tracing his words with a shaky finger before closing the book and tucking it back in the shelf, standing and leaving.

He hopes beyond all hope she understood what it meant.

* * *

_To the girl at the table near the back of the library, _

_You inspired me to write this, to see if I could make you laugh or cry or smile your gorgeous smile_

_I hope I succeed_

_Love,_

_The boy a few tables away from yours x_


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note-Alright, alright I give in. Damn you all! Now you've all sparked this into a multi-chap. *sigh* I better get reviews for this. Haha, joking, they'd be nice though. NYLF xx

* * *

He hesitated for a single moment before he was on his feet and following after her. He'd never done so before because he'd had to find the book, because he was shy, because he was scared, but she had looked so close to tears, honest to goodness tears, that now he couldn't stop himself.

He barely got out the door before he spotted her. She was leaning against the wall of the library, her elbows tucked either side of her waist, her hands covering her face, weeping. Her shoulders shook and her torso rocked against the brick as huge heartbreaking sobs rattled through her. He didn't know her, had never said an actual physical word to her, but he couldn't stand to watch her cry.

In a rare moment of bravery, the same bravery that had him write and dedicate to her his book, he closed the distance between them and leaned beside her. She didn't move and he wasn't altogether sure if she even knew he was there.

He just stood there, several inches of space between them, staring across the street while she sobbed. It was several minutes before she seemed to have cried herself out. She hiccupped a few times before wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

"Here." He murmured, holding out a pristine white handkerchief. She looked up at him uneasily. "It's clean." When she still hesitated he smiled gently. "It's a handkerchief, not a marriage proposal; you can accept it without being expected to do something in return." She flashed him a slightly guilty smile before slowly taking it from his fingers and wiping her eyes with it. She pulled it back a moment later, startling at the mascara stains now adorning it's once pure surface.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She apologised quietly. He smiled.

"Don't be. Keep it." She looked at him warily. "No strings I promise." She nodded before dabbing her eyes again and wiping her face.

"I don't even know you, why are you being so nice to me?" She asked him quietly. He turned to face her, leaning his shoulder against the wall as he gave her a soft smile.

"I can't bear to watch someone crying. Especially someone as beautiful as you." His smile grew a little when her cheeks flushed. "Besides, you kinda look like you need a friend right now." She scoffed quietly. "You can tell me to leave if you'd like." She met his eye for the first time.

"Do you not have somewhere to be?" She asked tentatively. He shook his head.

"No, and no one expecting me back anytime soon either. I could buy you coffee? We could talk, or not." He added when she dropped his gaze. "Or I could just leave you alone?" He hedged softly. She shrugged.

"I, I won't be much company." She shook her head, staring at her shoes. He smiled.

"That's alright. I don't mind. I'm sure I've had worse." She chuckled. "They are; that's better." She granted him a soft hesitant smile. "Tell you what, how about we start with you name, that way we won't be strangers and you can stop worrying I've some sort of crazy axe-wheeling maniac." She chuckled again.

"Kate." She murmured. "Short for Katherine." He smiled.

"Rick, short for Richard." She looked up at him again with a smile.

"Nice to meet you Rick, short for Richard." He chuckled, holding out his hand. She hesitated for a moment before shaking it. Her palm was cool and soft and oh so small in his.

"You too Kate, short for Katherine." She dropped her hand and gently tucked a strand of long wavy chestnut hair behind her ear. He'd bet it was a self-conscious gesture. "So, would you be up for coffee or am I leaving?" She bit her lip, another self-conscious tick he'd wager.

"Could you just, what I mean is, umm..." she sighed and he had the irrational urge to tap her on the back, see if he couldn't dislodge those words for her.

"Kate?" He asked softly. She nervously took his gaze.

"Could we maybe just stand here for a little while longer?" The question was so quiet that if they hadn't have been standing less than a foot apart, he would have missed it. He nodded.

"Of course. Whatever you want, Kate." She smiled at him, ever so grateful, and leaned back against the wall, dabbing at the newest tear that leaked from her overfull eyes.

They stood for a long moment, him watching her out of the corner of his eye while she silently cried beside him. She took a ragged breath and he could no longer stand it.

He turned to face her before putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his chest, his other arm wrapping around her waist. She froze for a moment and Rick was just about to step back and apologise when she looped her arms around his back and held on her dear life as she sobbed into his shoulder. Rick laid his cheek against her crown and tightened his hold, rubbing his thumb in soothing strokes against the middle of her back.

He held her for a long while, quietly whispering that it would all be okay, he had her, and she could cry for however long she needed to, in her ear. Eventually she pulled away far enough to rest her cheek on his shoulder and took a deep shaky breath.

"I'm sorry." She felt him shake his head against hers.

"Don't worry about it. You obviously need to just cry. You wanna talk about it?" Kate shrugged and he pressed a kiss to her skull. "It's okay to not know. Come on." He pulled back and took the handkerchief from her, gently dabbing at her cheeks before handing it back with a soft returned smile. He slowly took her hand in his and led her across the street to a little out of the way cafe. "Let's get some coffee in you and we can talk as much or as little as you'd like." She nodded, too emotionally exhausted to argue, and let him lead her by the hand, into the cafe and down to a booth in the back corner.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note-The response to this has been epic! Thank you all so much! NYLF xx

* * *

Kate watched the coffee swirl as she stirred it aimlessly with her spoon. The fact she had been stirring it for the past five minutes went unnoticed by her, but certainly drew Rick's attention. He just didn't know what to say. He knew nothing about this woman, short of she had good taste in books, she was beautiful, her name was Kate, short for Katherine, and she was inconsolably sad.

Rick's phone buzzed in his pocket and he retrieved it, reading the text before sending off a quick reply and putting it back in his pocket. When he was done, he noticed that Kate was watching him curiously.

"My mother." He offered, shrugging. Kate gave a half nod.

"You need to leave?" She asked softly. Rick shook his head as he considered her. Someone close to her had clearly left, in whatever capacity, recently. His leaving seemed to cause her anxiety but she kept coming back to it.

"She was just letting me know that my daughter had gone down for her nap." That caught Kate's attention.

"You have a daughter?" Rick smiled softly.

"Yeah. Alexis, she's four." He took out his wallet, removed the picture from it, and handed it to Kate. She couldn't help but smile at the tiny angel-faced redhead, reading a book, sat cross-legged on the floor.

"She's gorgeous." Kate smiled, handing back the picture. Rick took a moment to glance at it, smiling fondly, before putting it back.

"I certainly think so." He grinned. "She's so grown up." Kate smiled. "I'm hoping desperately that her mother leaving doesn't mess her up." Kate's smile faded as she looked back down at her coffee. "Hey, what'd I say?" Rick asked curiously noticing the sudden change in her expression.

"Her," she cleared her throat, "her m-mom left?" Rick nodded slowly. "When?"

"She had just turned three. Meredith's career was more important apparently." He tried hard to keep the bitterness from his tone.

"That's tough." Rick considered her, wondering if it was safe to take the opening or not.

"Your mom leave too?" _Shit_, he thought, _definitely the wrong thing to say_. She basically crumpled before his eyes. He reached out and took her hand in his. "I'm sorry. I'm an idiot, always putting my foot in my mouth." She shook her head.

"It's okay." She told him weakly. "My uhh, my mom died." Rick swallowed hard at the pain in her eyes, the shake in her voice. "She was murdered, two weeks ago."

"Oh Kate." He sighed. "I'm sorry." She shook her head. "I knew something had happened, I mean, obviously, but...God Kate I'm so sorry." She shrugged.

"I'm taking it better than my dad." She chuckled darkly. "I turned to books, he turned to the bottle. B's seem to be a common theme with the Beckett's. Books booze and butchered." She shook her head, the disappointment and bitterness barely masking the horrendous soul wrenching pain in her voice. Rick felt his heart drop for her.

"I, I don't know what to say. I guess you've heard 'sorry' enough to last you a lifetime huh?" She flashed him a tiny smile.

"Kinda yeah." Rick sighed, mentally weighing up the pros and cons of continuing with this line of conversation and changing the subject.

"You have excellent taste in books you know." Kate looked at him confusedly for a moment before granting him a grateful smile.

"Thanks." He flashed her a smile.

"How did you enjoy the one you were reading today?"

"My mother started reading the genre when I was born; it feels like reading his books, it's like keeping a connexion to her. He's also really talented." Rick smiled. "Then again, you know that, don't you, Mr Castle?" Rick had the good grace to look embarrassed.

"I honestly promise you that all of this isn't a ploy to get compliments." He assured her softly. Kate nodded.

"I know. You could have just said so, you know?" Rick shrugged.

"I guess maybe I wanted to be able to comfort you, support you, without the status getting in the way. I wanted it to be about you." Kate blushed and ducked her head. "I guess the last couple of weeks have been all about everyone else huh? The cops, family, your dad. Has anyone actually had a conversation with you that didn't consist of a pitying look and more-than-a-little-patronising remarks?" Kate shrugged.

"I understand the need for it. I lost my mother, but my father lost his wife, his soul mate and best friend. He needs me more than I need him." She murmured slightly robotically.

"You wanna try that again and make it sound less rehearsed?" She flashed him a wry smile. "Kate, you don't need to pretend with me. I genuinely want to help, and if that means you rant at me about how unfair life is, or you cry on my shoulder, or we talk about anything but, I'm okay with that. I don't want you to feel that you have to put on a brave face for me."

"You have only just met me." She reminded him in a tiny voice. "Surely the girl you've been watching in the library is a better image of me than the blubbering one?" Rick smiled at her, gently taking her hand in his.

"Kate, look at me." He waited until she took his eye before continuing. "I have known you for under an hour, but I feel like I've known you for years, and that isn't a line, it's the truth. I want to be your friend if you'd let me. Maybe offer you some support. I'd prefer to spend time with the real you, than the image I created. Don't pretend with me, just be you." Kate wiped away a stray tear before chuckling thickly.

"Thank you, Rick." Her voice was so soft he almost missed it.

"Always, Kate." She refused to let her brain overanalyse his response. She simply squeezed his hand gently, giving him a soft smile before drinking her by now lukewarm coffee.


	4. Chapter 4

"So." Kate started a few minutes later. Rick smiled.

"So."

"You don't look old enough to have a four year old." Rick laughed.

"Thanks, I guess. I'm twenty seven, and apparently am more baby faced than I thought." Kate smiled.

"Not always a bad thing." Rick shook his head.

"It sells books." Kate chuckled. "How about you? You're definitely not old enough to have any kids." Kate chuckled again.

"No. I'm a student actually. Stanford, prelaw." Rick smiled.

"You must be really intelligent." Kate shrugged.

"I try." Rick smiled softly.

"How about siblings?" Kate shook her head.

"Just me and my dad now; only child of only children." Rick nodded. "You?"

"Just me, my mother and Alexis. Famously fatherless." He shook his head. "We were talking like old friends a few minutes ago, and now we've gotten into those awkward 'getting to know you' conversations." Kate chuckled, tucking a curl behind her ear. "You don't need to be nervous around me you know?" Kate looked at him curiously. "The tucking the hair behind the ear thing, it's because you're nervous, right?" He asked her as he motioned at her ear. "You need to work on your poker face if you're going to be a lawyer."

"First female Chief Justice actually." Kate corrected proudly, a smile curving her lips. Rick laughed.

"Ambition, I like it." Kate smiled broadly. "What put you onto that path?" Her smile softened but didn't fall.

"My parents were both lawyers." Rick nodded. "What made you become a writer?" He smiled.

"A man in a bookstore handed me '_Casino Royal_' one day when I was ten, the rest is history."

"That's sweet." Rick chuckled before reaching for his ringing cell.

"I'm sorry I've got to take this." Kate nodded and Rick answered. "Mother, is everything okay?" Kate watched as Rick transformed before her eyes from caring friend and bubbly writer to concerned parent. "Of course, I'll be right there. I'll catch a cab. I'll be there as soon as I can." He hung up the phone and turned to Kate. "Alexis isn't well. I have to go. I'm sorry." Kate shook her head.

"No, not at all. Don't bother with a cab, I'll drive you." She offered impulsively.

"You sure?" Kate nodded.

"Sure, come on." They both stood and made their way through the cafe once Rick had dropped a couple of bills down on the table.

Kate drove quickly, following Rick's instructions as he directed her to his home. He didn't look too worried, so it clearly wasn't anything life-threatening, but if his mother had called him, it had to be a little serious.

Kate pulled up in front of the building and turned to Rick.

"Thank you for this Kate, I appreciate it." Rick smiled, receiving one back from Kate.

"I owed you for the handkerchief." Rick chuckled, hearing everything she wasn't saying in that moment.

"Listen; can I give you my number? Maybe you could call me next time you need a friend?" Kate hesitated for a moment before there was a knock at the passenger window. A shock of red hair was the first thing she saw before Rick smiled apologetically and got out. "Hey Pumpkin." Kate hesitated for a few seconds before joining him on the sidewalk.

The shock of red hair belonged to a middle aged woman who could only be his mother. She was beautiful and Kate was pretty sure she recognised her from somewhere.

"How you feeling?" Her attention was captured by the pale little girl in Rick's arms. He cradled her safely into his chest and kissed her forehead gently.

"Richard? Are you going to introduce us?" His mother interrupted, smiling reassuringly at a blushing Kate. Rick smiled.

"Of course, where are my manners? Kate, this is Martha Rodgers, my mother. Mother, this is Kate. We met at the library." Recognition Kate couldn't understand flashed in the older woman's gaze.

"Well, in that case, it is a pleasure to meet you Kate." Martha smiled warmly.

"Thank you Ms Rodgers, you too." Martha chuckled.

"My dear, call me Martha please." Kate nodded shyly and smiled before turning back to Rick and his little girl. He adjusted the child on his hip, jostling her, and she promptly let him know how she wasn't well. Kate grimaced as the little girl threw up over the side of her father's arm, hitting Kate's jeans in the process.

"I'm sorry." She whimpered, looking at Kate warily. Kate smiled.

"It's not your fault, Sweetie." Rick grimaced.

"And this is Alexis. Come on, you should come up, I'll put them through the wash for you." Kate started to protest but closed her mouth at Rick's pointed look.

"Okay, thank you." He nodded and led them through to the elevator.

"Thanks." Rick murmured as he threw Kate's jeans into the washer while she sat in his kitchen in a pair of his sweats. Kate looked at him quizzically.

"What for?" Rick shrugged.

"For not yelling at her." Once Rick had gotten Alexis cleaned up, he'd put her on the sofa snuggled under a load of blankets with a bucket beside her. Kate shook her head.

"Why would I yell at her? She's four years old and poorly. It's not like she meant to throw up on me." Rick smiled softly.

"Meredith, she uhh..." Kate looked alarmed. "She was more distant than abusive." He assured her. "But she didn't do well with the, _messy _side of having kids." Kate nodded understandingly.

"I would never yell at her for that Rick. I would never yell at her period, it isn't my place to." He smiled gratefully. "I'll get going as soon as my jeans are clean." Rick shook his head.

"Kate, at least let me make you dinner. After the fortnight you've had and my kid puking on you, it's the least I can do." Kate sighed.

"You aren't going to let me out of this are you?" Rick grinned.

"Nope." Kate chuckled.

"Okay. I'll stay, but only if it's okay with everyone else."


	5. Chapter 5

Martha had plans for dinner but Alexis had no objections, even if she was still a little wary of Kate. Rick refused to let her help as he cooked, insisting that she sit there and relax.

"I would offer you wine but..." he chuckled nervously.

"Only nineteen, not old enough yet." Kate finished with a smile.

"I don't usually do this, you know. Invite barely adults round for dinner." Kate chuckled.

"You didn't strike me as the type. Besides, you wouldn't want to set the wrong example." Rick nodded.

"Exactly. Actually, I rarely invite anyone over at all. Since my divorce, I don't think there has been anyone to invite." He shrugged.

"Meredith right? Alexis' mother?" Rick nodded.

"She fell pregnant quickly and we were very young. It seemed like a good idea at the time. We were together for three and a half years before I found her in our bed with her director." Kate gasped. "Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction too." Kate reached out and covered his hand where it rested on the counter.

"I'm sorry." Rick shook his head.

"It was for the best. Besides, I got that angel, over there, out of it." Rick smiled, motioning to the couch where Alexis lay, with his head. "I don't regret it." Kate smiled sympathetically.

"That doesn't mean you can't be sad about it." Rick smiled, lifting the hand holding his to his lips and gently kissing her knuckles. She blushed.

"Thanks for your concern, but honestly, no regrets. Come on, dinner's ready."

Rick cut up Alexis' food before setting it in front of her and going back for his own and Kate's plates. Kate watched in fascination as Alexis stared at her food but didn't move to touch it.

"You not hungry, Sweetie?" Kate asked gently. The little girl looked up at her with impossibly blue eyes.

"Daddy says we don't eat until everyone is seated." She told her slowly. She quickly dropped her gaze to her lap, where her tiny hands twisted nervously. "I really _am_ sorry for your jeans. I didn't mean too." Kate smiled reassuringly, gently taking the tiny hands in her own.

"Alexis, I'm not mad." Kate assured her. The little girl looked up at her curiously. "You're poorly and daddy jostled you. It upset your tummy, that isn't your fault." Alexis smiled softly.

"Thank you Kate." Alexis smiled. Rick came over and set down the plates he was carrying before ruffling his daughter's hair while winking and mouthing 'thank you' at Kate, eliciting a shy smile and a small headshake.

"Now Pumpkin, if you don't want to eat all of it, that's okay." Alexis nodded and started eating while Rick turned to Kate. "Do you need to call your dad, let him know where you are?" Kate shook her head.

"He uhh, he won't notice anyway." She murmured, keeping her voice low enough to not draw the four year old's attention. Rick frowned and gently took her hand in his across the table, stroking the back with his thumb. "I'm okay, Rick." He nodded.

"I know. But that doesn't mean I can't try and offer you some small comfort." Kate smiled softly.

"Thank you. Now, eat before your dinner gets cold." Rick chuckled and started eating, making Kate smile.

When Rick went to settle Alexis in bed, Kate took her jeans from the dryer and made her way into Rick's bedroom, where he had told her to change earlier. She pushed the door to and pulled off his sweats, folding them neatly and placing them on his bed. She managed to put one foot in her jeans before she heard a soft gasp from the door.

"Rick!" She exclaimed pulling up her jeans and and spinning to face him as she did them up.

"I, I'm sorry. I, uhh, I needed the bathroom and this one was closest." Rick stammered, trying hard to keep the sight of her bending over in black lace out of his mind. "I'm really sorry." He clamped his hand over his eyes and all but ran to the bathroom.

Kate blushed furiously.

Rick was attractive, that much she knew, had known since she'd seen the picture on the back cover of his book. But he was such a sweet caring person, a wonderful friend, a loving father. He was what she hoped would become a really good friend to her. But eight years her senior, she wasn't trying to take that friendship further. And the day they met, she'd bent over in front of him in her underwear. Kate groaned and left the room. This was going to be awkward.

"Listen, Kate, I want to apologise." Rick started as he sat across from her on the couch.

"Again?" Kate asked gently.

"I should have knocked." Kate shook her head.

"I should have closed the door."

"I still should have knocked."

"It's your house, Rick. Don't worry about it." Rick smiled weakly.

"I'm still sorry." Kate nodded.

"Okay. Y'know, if I'd of known I was gonna get ogled, I would have worn something sexier." Rick's eyes slammed shut.

"Kate, don't." He groaned. Kate held up her hand with a smile.

"You're right, I'm sorry." She chuckled. Rick looked at her for a moment before huffing a note of laughter. "I, uhh, I better go. It's late and I have to make sure..." she trailed off, her smile slipping. "I have to make sure dad hasn't drunk himself to death." Rick sighed.

"Give me your phone." She gave him a look but handed it over anyway. "There's my number." He said, handing it back. "Call me if you need to. Even if it's three in the morning and you just wanna know someone's there, okay?" Kate nodded.

"Thanks, Rick." They exchanged smiles before he walked her to the door. "Thank you, for everything." She leaned in and gently kissed his cheek before walking down the corridor to the elevator. Rick waited until the door closed to gently run his fingers across the space she'd kissed with a soft smile.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Note-It's my sister's birthday, so I thought I'd treat you all :D NYLF xx

* * *

Later that night, Rick woke to the sound of his cell ringing.

"Lo?" He croaked, his voice still rough with sleep.

"Hey, Rick." Kate's shaky voice filtered down the line.

"Kate?" Rick sat up, suddenly a lot more awake, his attention drawn to the tears in her voice. "Is everything okay?"

"You, uhh, you said I could call." She reminded him timidly. "Was I wrong to do so?" Rick shook his head.

"No, of course not. Kate it's," he paused to check the red digits of his alarm clock, "four o'clock in the morning, what's wrong?" A quiet sob floated across the line. "Kate?"

"Could you, umm, could you do me a favour?" She asked shyly.

"Of course, what is it?" Rick asked, already forming a plan to ask the neighbour to keep an eye on Alexis if he had to go and pick Kate up.

"Could you, could you leave the line open?" Her hesitant request stopped his thoughts in their tracks.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand." Kate chuckled a little hysterically.

"Just put your phone on speaker, on your pillow and forget about it?"

"Kate, I could send a cab, bring you back here?"

"No, I can't leave, I..." she filtered off, her voice breaking. "This was a stupid idea." She muttered self-deprecatingly.

"No, Kate, I'll do it. Do you want me to talk to you until you fall asleep?" He asked, laying back down in bed and putting his cell on speaker, resting it on the spare pillow.

"No, thank you. I just, it'd be nice to know someone's there." She murmured. He heard her rustling and presumed that she was getting comfy and placing her phone nearby. "Thank you for this, Rick."

"Anything Kate, anytime, always." He murmured softly. "Try and get some sleep, okay? I'm right here. Don't hesitate to ask if you need anything." But her breathing was already evening out.

"Night, Rick." She murmured. Rick smiled softly.

"Goodnight, Kate."

The call was disconnected by the time he woke up at nine the next morning. He sent her a quick text telling her good morning and that he'd be at home all day if she needed him and then went to wake and check on Alexis.

He didn't get a text back until two.

_Hey Rick, sorry for last night. I shouldn't have woken you. K x_

Rick shook his head as he read her words. He wanted to call her, tell her he was there for her in tears and smiles, but he didn't want to spook her, so he settled for a text back.

_Don't be silly. I told you to call. If there's anything I can do, just let me know. R x_

She didn't reply, but he chose to believe she had read it and taken what he had said to heart.

In fact, it was a week before he heard from her again.

He was in the library, looking for inspiration, her, and had been there for over an hour. He was just turning to leave when she swept in.

She looked terrible.

Her hair was dank and lifeless, her cheeks red raw and tear stained. She was wearing what must be the baggiest jumper she owned and what looked like very soft denim jeans, with flat ballet pumps on her feet and sunglasses on her eyes, despite the dismal weather.

"Kate?" She visibly jumped at the sound of his voice. She turned to look at him slowly. "Kate, what's happened?" Her lower lip trembled lightly as she fought tears. "Kate, Sweetheart, it's okay." He gently wrapped his arm around her waist and led her out of the building away from prying eyes.

"I'm sorry." She murmured brokenly. Rick gently pushed her sunglasses into her hair and cupped her cheek.

"No. No more apologies." He told her firmly but kindly. She nodded. "Now, what happened?" She leaned into his hand as if it was the only thing keeping her grounded. "Kate? Talk to me, Honey." He murmured, resting his forehead against hers.

"The night I called you?" He nodded. "I found my dad on the bathroom floor. He'd collapsed." She shuddered at the memory. "I uhh, I had to drag him to the shower and _clean_ him up." Rick's imagination filled in the bits she wasn't telling him. No child should ever have to find their parent in their own vomit. "He never woke up, Rick. I dragged him into the shower and used the coldest water I could bare and then dragged him to his bed. And he never even opened his eyes." Rick gently caught the tear trailing down her cheek with his thumb.

"Oh, _Kate_." He sighed.

"I couldn't leave him Rick. He's, he's my dad, or at least he was. I'm not sure who he is anymore." She whispered.

Rick gently brought her into his chest, his heart breaking for her when she looped her arms under his and up onto his shoulders, holding him as close as she could.

"I can't do this anymore, Rick." She whispered, devastated. Rick gently kissed the side of her head.

"You're staying at the loft tonight." She started to protest. "No, Kate. No arguments. I cannot see you in this much pain without doing anything, it's killing me. And tomorrow, we'll research rehabs together and get him in one, ASAP." Kate shook her head.

"I can't afford it." Rick shook his head.

"Money's no issue, Kate. I'll spot you." Kate shook her head.

"I can't ask..." Rick pulled back and looked her dead in the eye, the look he was giving her leaving no room for argument.

"You aren't asking. Now, do you need anything from home so you can stay the night?" Kate nodded. "Right, I will take you there, I don't care what you say Kate, I don't feel comfortable sending you back there on your own, and we'll get some of your stuff and then you can stay with me." Kate nodded slowly, leaning back in to rest her head on his chest.

"Thank you Rick." He gently kissed her temple, squeezing her gently.

"It isn't a problem Kate."


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note-Wow guys. I just want to thank you all for the response to this. Seventy three reviews in six chapters, not to mention the forty nine favourites, the one hundred and fifty nine follows and the eleven thousand one hundred and forty five views. I'm blown away, I really am. So thank you so so much. Read, review, enjoy NYLF xx

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Rick pulled up outside Jim Beckett's house and killed the engine, taking a moment to watch Kate. She leaned back against the headrest and her eyes slipped shut, her shaking hands twisting in her lap.

"Hey, it's okay." He murmured. Kate gave him a soft smile.

"I haven't been home in four days." She whispered. "I have no idea what I'm coming back to." Rick sighed gently.

"Where have you been staying?"

"My friend, Maddie, has been letting me crash on her couch." Rick shook his head. "I couldn't be here anymore. I couldn't...I couldn't see...he's my daddy, Rick." She crumpled, resting her head in her hands. Rick leaned over and unclipped her seatbelt before pulling her into his chest with an arm around the back of her shoulders.

"I'm right here. You aren't alone Kate. I've got you." She nodded against him.

"I know." She whispered brokenly.

"Kate." He sighed. "I'll buy you whatever you need, you don't have to do this. I don't want to _make_ you do this." Kate shook her head.

"I, I can't avoid him forever Rick. He's my dad." Her voice faltered on the last word but didn't break. Rick had never been so proud of her. "I, uhh, I hate to ask but..." She hesitated.

"You can ask me anything Kate. I'll never think less of you for it." Kate nodded before pulling back to look him in the eye.

"Could you hold my hand, please?" His heart broke for her. He had a feeling that this broken young girl was but a shadow of the woman she was becoming a month ago. He gave her a soft smile.

"I've got you."

Kate opened the door with her key, her left hand firmly clasped in Rick's right. She took a fortifying breath and felt Rick squeeze her hand. She nodded quickly before pushing open the door.

Their senses were immediately assaulted by the smell of stale beer and alcohol. Rick felt Kate shudder against his side and, while he didn't look down, he had a strong suspicion she was on the verge of tears again. He gently squeezed her hand and felt her pulse it back before she took a step further down the corridor and closed the door behind them. If the tight grip she had on his hand was any indication, she felt as trapped as he suddenly did at the move. She led him down the corridor a few more steps before turning up the narrow staircase to their left.

The door at the top was decorated with all sorts of 80's and 90's band stickers and 'Keep Out' signs. If the circumstances had been different, Rick would have chuckled.

Her childhood bedroom.

Kate pushed open the door and led him through into the deceptively large room.

The large bay window at the back of the room was accompanied by a soft, comfy looking cream window seat, large enough for even Kate to lay flat on and wide enough to probably seat them both comfortably.

She released his hand and leaned under the bed to retrieve her suitcase.

The hard purple case was covered from top to bottom in black sharpie, each word inscribed was a place somewhere in the world. He spotted some of the typical ones- Paris, Rome, London- along with some more obscure ones like, Cameroon, Turkmenistan and Rwanda. He smiled at that.

She started filling it with a few outfits from the large walk-in wardrobe while he explored the rest of the room.

One entire wall was filled with books with everything from the latest Harry Potter, to a ten inch thick book on Russian literature. The middle of the room was filled with her double bed-with royal purple sheets- and a writing desk, antique looking and polished white. He liked her taste, it was a little haphazard but it seemed to fit her.

Once she'd put clothes, a wash bag, her phone charger, a few miscellaneous items and books in the case, she returned to his side with a hesitant smile.

"I've probably packed too much but I wasn't sure how long I was staying. Plus, I kinda need some stuff to stay at Maddie's." Rick gave her a reassuring smile.

"You can stay at mine as long as you like, Kate. I have no problem with it." She nodded. "Come on. I'll take that." He took the case from her despite her unformed protests. "Do you need anything else?" She bit her lip nervously. "Kate?" He prompted gently.

"I uhh, I need to just check on him. Do you mind? I mean I'm sure you have better things to do than check on a drunk, but I can't leave without doing it. I'd never forgive myself if something had happened and I didn't check." Rick gently cupped her cheek, halting her ramblings.

"Want me to come with you?" She nodded quickly, her eyes pleading. "Okay. And Kate? Never be afraid to ask me for something." She nodded a little shyly before leading him back down the stairs and down the corridor towards the back of the house.

"Dad?" Kate called out hesitantly as she stopped in the kitchen doorway. "Dad, it's Katie." She tried again, her grip getting firmer on Rick's hand as the silence dragged. "I just came by to pick up some stuff; I'm staying at a friend's again." A shuffling from the other side of the island, in the middle of the kitchen, drew their attention.

"Katie!" A man's voice slurred, an almost hysterical happiness to it. Kate gulped loud enough for Rick to hear before slowly stepping round the island, her grip never wavering on Rick's hand.

Even Rick wanted to recoil when they saw what must have been Jim Beckett sprawled out on the floor, a bottle of whiskey in one hand, in the other, a picture of he, Kate and a woman that looked so much like her, it could only be her mother. Kate took a step back and collided with Rick's chest, his reactional hand on her hip the only thing stopping her from falling. "You're back."

"I'm, I was just getting some things. I'm staying at a friend's tonight." Jim nodded, smiling widely.

"That's nice. Have fun Poppet, your mom and I will just hang here then." Rick felt Kate's sob rip through her chest before he heard it. He would have sworn under oath that he heard the moment her heart broke. She nodded to her dad before stepping quickly back through to, and out of, the front door, only stopping when she reached the car.

Rick was quick to follow.

He quickly put her case in the trunk of his car before turning to Kate. Tears poured down her face as her arms hugged her waist tightly in an attempt to self-soothe. He simply wrapped his arms around her tiny frame and held on as her sobs rocked them both.


	8. Chapter 8

Rick carried Kate's case upstairs to the guest bedroom before helping the shaking young woman over to the couch.

"I'm going to make you a drink Kate, okay? Were it me, I'd have scotch, but given the circumstances, and your age, maybe tea?" He asked softly. She nodded.

"Tea would be great Rick, thank you." Rick smiled and squeezed her shoulder before disappearing into the kitchen.

Kate leaned against the seat cushions, urging her body to relax. She'd been on stupidly high alert since they had left her dad's and it was exhausting her. It was also probably why she jumped when the cushions beside her dipped.

"Hi." Kate opened one eye and found a tiny face watching her. Alexis smiled and waved, making Kate smile back and force her eyes open.

"Hey Alexis, feeling better?" The little girl didn't look any less pale but Kate realised that much of that was probably her natural complexion. She did however, look less green around the gills and that made Kate glad.

"Daddy gave me yucky medicine to bring down my fever and I feel better now. I'm supposed to be napping but I woke up and heard voices, so I came to investigate and here you were." Kate smiled gently.

"Investigate is a very big word for such a little girl." Alexis giggled.

"Daddy's a writer. He teaches me big words." Kate smiled. "Are you okay Kate? I didn't make you poorly did it?" Kate shook her head, gently smoothing a lock of flame red hair behind the little girl's ear without much conscious thought.

"I'm not poorly. I'm just tired." Alexis nodded before dragging the blanket off the back of the couch and dragging it across Kate's lap, before snuggling into her side.

"Is this okay?" She asked shyly. Kate smiled and slipped her arm around the girl's shoulders, holding her closer.

"It's perfect Alexis, thank you."

When Rick came back with Kate's tea, his heart nearly burst with love for the scene before him. Alexis, obviously giving up on napping in her bed when she'd heard them come home, was snuggled into Kate, leaning her head against Kate's ribs, her arm slung over her lap, fast asleep. But it was Kate that made him smile. She had wrapped herself around his child protectively, her arm wrapped entirely around her tiny back to rest her hand on her tummy. She was leaning towards her, her head resting on the back of the couch above Alexis', just as soundly asleep as the four year old. Rick smiled and softly put the tea down to grab his camera from the kitchen. Once he'd taken a couple of photos, he gently tucked the blanket more securely around them, kissed both of their foreheads, and left them to their nap.

"Hey baby girl, you gotta get up or you won't sleep tonight." Rick murmured, gently trying to disentangle Kate's hand from around Alexis so he could pick her up. Kate murmured in her sleep before tightening her grip on the little girl. Rick chuckled as Alexis snuggled tighter into her side, thus making it impossible for him to get to her. "You can't gang up on my after two days guys, not fair." He shook his head before moving to the other side. "Kate?" He murmured, gently touching her shoulder. "Kate you gotta get up." Kate's eyes fluttered open slowly before meeting his. She looked so adorably confused. "Hey there sleepy head."

"Rick?" She asked slowly. He smiled.

"You fell asleep while I was making you tea. I tired to wake Alexis without waking you but apparently you two subconsciously decided to gang up on me." She looked confused again and Rick chuckled. "You need to let go of her so I can get her up." He explained slowly. She looked down at the tiny redhead and startled when she realised she had her arm around her.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She started, moving her hand as if burned. Rick shook his head.

"It's okay. Neither of us mind, I just need to wake her so she sleeps tonight." Kate nodded slowly and carefully slipped her arm from around the child. Rick smiled and gently picked her up.

"Hey Pumpkin, you need to wake up." Alexis' clear blue eyes found her daddy and gave him a sleepy smile.

"Hi daddy. Where's Kate?" She asked, looking around until she found her. Kate waved, making Alexis smile.

"She's right here. How about you go use the bathroom and wake up a little and I'll make you some lunch okay?" Alexis nodded and waited until Rick put her on the floor before dashing up the stairs. Rick smiled after her before turning to Kate. "I'm kinda really proud of my kid right now."

"How come?" Kate asked, rubbing her eyes with her fists in a way that made her look younger than Alexis. Rick smiled.

"Because she didn't know what was going on but knew you needed a nap and a hug and she made you take them." Kate smiled shyly. "Do you feel better?" She shrugged.

"A little. You know, this isn't the first time I've found him like that Rick. I'm a big girl, I'm sure you have better things to do than babysit me." Rick sat on the edge of the coffee table and gently rested his hands on her knees.

"Kate. Let me help. I'm not doing this because I have to, or because I want anything in return. I'm doing this because I care about you. I've cared about you since the moment I first saw you in that library. So please, stop acting like you don't need anyone, when you clearly do. I don't know how you manage to stay so strong, and don't get me wrong, I'm so incredibly proud you can, but Kate, you don't need to be. If you wanna cry, cry. If you want to lash out at me, do it. No one would blame you." Kate's smile was watery but strong.

"You're a really good man Rick." He smiled and squeezed her knees.

"So how about we try that tea again and you can come keep me company while I make some lunch for us hmm?" Kate nodded. Rick stood up and reached out his hands to help her. She took them with a smile and stood in front of him. He was just about to move to the kitchen when Kate rested her head on his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist. "You okay?" He asked softly, slowly running his hand up and down her back as the other held her head to him. He felt her nod.

"Could we just, do this for a bit?" Rick smiled and planted a small kiss on her crown.

"Of course."


	9. Chapter 9

After lunch, Alexis and Kate watched Disney movies for the afternoon while Rick sat beside them, writing his next book on his laptop. He'd occasionally look up to check on the girls, but every time, they were either both engrossed in the movie, or Kate was smiling as Alexis explained something to her. It was just what Kate, and Rick if he was honest with himself, needed after their morning.

They were half way through _The Lion King_ when Alexis crawled onto Kate's lap and snuggled in close to her chest. Rick watched Kate carefully, ready to step in at a moments notice if it was too much. Kate however, only stiffened for a second before wrapping her arms around her and kissing her crown, gently rocking her back and forth on her lap as she drifted into sleep.

He caught Kate smiling and leaning against his daughter's head and he thought she might be a little bit in love with his little girl. For course, he'd be lying if he denied the feelings were mutual. Alexis was shy and quite around everyone but him and her grandmother, even when her own mother came to stay she'd clam up, yet there she was, sitting on a relative stranger's lap, fast asleep. It made Rick's heart glad.

Once the film ended, Kate looked up to Rick for guidance. He smiled back at her, double saving his work before putting his laptop to one side.

"We need to get her to her room. Are you okay carrying her, or do you want me to take her?" Kate debated for a second.

"I think I've got her." She murmured. Carefully tightening her hold around her back, Kate slipped her arm under Alexis' legs and slowly got to her feet. Rick held out a hand behind her to aid her, but she didn't need it. Kate possessed a grace that was rare in anyone, let alone someone as young as her. Once she was stood, Rick gently guided her to the stairs with a gentle hand on the base of her back.

They reached Alexis' room without incident and Rick pointed to the bed to indicate that Kate should lay her down. Rick knelt beside the bed and slipped off the little girl's socks and slippers, he had changed her into her pyjamas earlier, and kissed her forehead before smiling at Kate. She nodded and followed him out the room.

"You're okay with the fact she sat on my lap, right? I didn't even think to ask, Rick I'm sorry." Kate rambled quietly as they walked back down the corridor. Rick chuckled.

"Kate, if I'd have had a problem with it, I'd have told you." Kate nodded, trapping her lip between her teeth. "It's okay." He assured her, gently squeezing her hand. "I was glad actually."

"Oh?" Kate asked, confusion written across her beautiful features as she turned to him at the top of the stairs. Rick smiled.

"Alexis is painfully shy around new people. It took _weeks_ for her to be okay with Katrina, the teenager that babysits her sometimes. And yet, in _two days_, she's comfortable enough with you to sleep on you, _twice_." Rick smiled as Kate chuckled. "I think my daughter's a little bit taken with you Kate." That pretty rosy blush stained her cheeks again.

"I uhh, I have to say, I'm a little taken too. She's adorable Rick." He nodded and gave her a look that said it was clearly not news to him, making her laugh again. "I used to babysit for this little boy once." Kate started as they sat on the couch. Rick nodded encouragingly. "He was a _holy terror, _Rick. He would trash the house and scream and fight and refuse point blank to do anything I told him." She shook her head, a reminiscent smile on her face. "Absolute angel when his parents got home though." Rick chuckled.

"Oh, those are the worst." Kate laughed and leaned back, resting her elbow on the back of the couch and her head in that hand as she curled her leg under her to face Rick. He turned and mimicked her position. "You okay?" He asked, noticing the slight drop in her eye level, like she was trying to convince him she was looking him in the eye, but she wasn't. She nodded, biting her lip.

"I wanted to thank you, again." She added wryly. He smiled softly. "It's just, this, this fortnight has been, difficult to say the least. I..." She filtered off, suddenly nervous. Rick gently took the hand, not supporting her head, in his and interlocked their fingers, hoping to give her the strength she needed, the security she was craving. "I don't think I'd have made it without you." She whispered a little emotionally.

"Kate, I don't believe that for a moment. You are _extraordinary_." Kate blushed. "You could do anything you set your mind to, even if that something was something as painful as getting through this." She smiled softly, gently smoothing her thumb back and forth on the back of his hand.

"Thank you, Rick." He smiled gently at her whispered words. "Do you, would you mind terribly, if I went to bed? It's kinda been a long day." It was only early, but he knew how exhausted she had to be.

"Not at all. Second door on the left." He smiled getting up as she did. She stood on her tiptoes, being more than a head shorter than him in her stockinged feet, and pressed a feather light kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"I owe you." She smiled before traipsing up the stairs to her bed for the night. Rick smiled as he watched her go. She would be fine, he knew it. It would be hard, obviously, but she was strong. If anyone could do it, it would be her.

He picked up his laptop and retired to his room for the evening, determined to finish the chapter he'd been writing before he fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Richard Castle, pre-parenthood, was dead to the world once he was asleep. Nothing could wake him until he was good and ready. But as soon as his baby girl was born, the slightest human sound woke him. So when he heard muffled crying coming from his doorway, he was awake and sat up in seconds. Alexis stood in the doorframe, clutching her stuffed monkey 'Monkey-Bunkey' while her other hand rubbed at her tearful eyes. Rick smiled gently and got up, crouching in front of the four year old.

"Hey, Pumpkin." He murmured, gently wiping away her tears with his thumb. "Bad dream?" She didn't have them often, but she was still just a child so it wasn't unheard of. She shook her head though. "What's wrong then, Honey?" Alexis sniffled before finding her voice.

"Kate's crying." She murmured. Rick's brow furrowed in confusion.

"What do you mean Kate's crying, Sweetie?"

"I needed a drink, and my cup was down here, so I was coming to get it, and I heard Kate crying. She kept saying something but I couldn't hear. I got scared and came got you. I think she's having a bad dream, daddy." Rick quickly scooped Alexis up and perched her on his hip before taking her back upstairs.

He leaned against the door and heard as Kate cried out something intelligible. Rick quickly put Alexis on the floor.

"I'm going to make sure she's okay. I need you to go get snuggled back in bed, and I'll come say goodnight in a minute, okay?" Alexis nodded before running back to her room. Rick took a deep breath before pushing open the door.

Rick hovered there, in the guest bedroom doorway for a moment, trying to ascertain if he should intervene or not. When Kate moaned in pain, still unconscious to the world, his decision was made for him. She thrashed a little wildly and he knew he should step back to save him self from accidental injuries but he couldn't bear to see her in pain.

"Kate?" He asked quietly, sitting at the end of her bed, slowly laying his arm across her ankles to slow their kicking. "Kate, wake up, it's just a dream."

She groaned and his heart broke for her.

"Kate?" He tried again, moving up the bed, turning so he was sitting against the headboard, as he slipped one arm around the back of her shoulders, pulling her up into his side, trying to shock her awake. It didn't work.

He felt tears build in his eyes, when her own slipped down her cheeks, despite her unopened eyes.

"Come on Kate, wake up for me Honey, please." He wasn't above begging. He felt her pain so acutely that he almost felt his heart shatter as she sobbed for her mother.

"I've got you Kate. I know it isn't the same but I'm here. You aren't alone, my Angel. I've got you."

She sobbed and thrashed against him for a few more minutes before crying out and going limp in his arms. He panicked and carefully pushed two fingers against her jaw, relief flooding him when he found her wildly fluttering pulse beneath her skin.

She breathed deeply and he realised that the dream was over, crisis averted for now. He couldn't help the few tears that trailed down his cheeks. He wanted to sob for her, would once he got back to his own bed, but he couldn't risk waking her now she was settled.

He rocked them both, crying silently into her hair for a few moments longer before extracting himself and laying her back down gently. He tucked her in, kissed her forehead and left.

Rick gently sat down on the edge of Alexis' bed and stroked the strand of hair from her face to behind her ear.

"Is Kate okay daddy?" She asked sleepily. Rick smiled.

"Kate's very sad at the moment. There's a lot of stuff going on at home that isn't very good right now." It wasn't his place to share that information, even if it was with Alexis. He'd talk to Kate about it if it ever came up.

"That's why she's staying here?" The little girl asked curiously. She had wondered why Kate had brought a bag. Rick nodded.

"Yes. She might be staying for a little while. You don't mind, do you?" He'd obviously asked Alexis if she'd mind having the young woman to stay for the night when he'd picked up the car to take Kate to her dad's, and she'd been fine with it. But one night and a while were very different things.

"Don't mind." She confirmed around a yawn. "Is she sleeping?" Rick smiled.

"Yeah Sweetie, she's sleeping now. How about you try and join her hmm?" She nodded sleepily. Rick smiled again and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Nun night Alexis." He whispered against her skin.

"Night night daddy." She murmured back before dropping off to sleep. Rick adjusted the covers before leaving the room.

He popped his head around Kate's door, saw her sleeping soundly, before creeping back down stairs. Once alone in the privacy of his room, he leaned against the door and put his head in his hands, letting a few tears escape for her. He hated that Kate had to go through this, hated even more that she really truly thought she had to do it alone.

He shook his head to clear it before wiping his face. He'd look up those rehabs with her tomorrow, maybe even call in some favours to see if he couldn't get Jim in ASAP. He needed to get Kate some support. Dealing with Jim had to be his first priority, the most volatile piece of the present puzzle, and then he'd talk to her about maybe talking to someone. He knew some things, but he couldn't help her psychologically. He'd be her friend, support her through thick and thin, hold her hand, let her cry on his shoulder, but he knew she needed trained help. He'd talk to her later. Right now, he needed sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

When Kate came down the next morning, she was met by a look from Alexis she couldn't decipher.

"Hey Sweetie." Kate smiled, coming to sit beside her at the table for breakfast. "Where's daddy?"

"Office, writing." Alexis murmured. Kate couldn't help the twinge of concern that pulled at her heart strings.

"Hey, you okay?" She asked softly, stroking the back of the girl's head with her palm. Alexis looked at her carefully.

"Are you okay now?" Kate's brow furrowed.

"Me? Why wouldn't' I be okay, Alexis?" The four year old looked down at her lap. "Hey, Lexi, look at me." Kate asked softly. She did as she was told. "Why wouldn't I be okay?" Alexis shrugged.

"Daddy had to help you with your bad dream." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I heard you crying." Kate's eyes slipped shut, utter mortification rolling through her.

"I'm okay. I, uhh, I'm just going to go talk to your dad for a minute okay?" Alexis immediately looked guilty.

"Did I do something bad?" She asked timidly. Kate shook her head with a small smile as she stood.

"No, of course you didn't." She leaned down and kissed the top of her head before heading to the office.

She knocked on the doorframe as she took a small step around the open door. Rick double saved his work before looking up.

"Hey, sleep alright?" He asked with a smile. Kate frowned at him, depleting his own expression.

"Can I come in?" She asked quietly. Rick nodded and set his laptop back on the desk, taking his feet off the corner before holding out his hand towards the couch in the corner.

"What's up?" He asked as she sat down, staring at her hands and sighing.

"I woke Alexis up then huh?" She asked so quietly he almost missed it. Her shoulders slumped as she buried her hands in her hair. "I'm sorry Rick." He quickly wheeled his chair forward until he was in front of her.

"Kate?" He gently slotted his hand under her chin and applied a gentle pressure, just enough to make her look at him.

"The nightmares aren't new. I've had one almost every night since. Sometimes up to four in a night. Sometimes I wake myself up; sometimes my dad won't be paralytic yet and wakes me." She shrugged. "I should have told you. I should have warned you just how broken I am, _before_ you brought me into your home with your angelic daughter, I should have said something, I should..." Rick gently placed one hand at the back of her head and the other over her mouth.

"Kate, stop it. Nightmares are natural. Alexis went missing in a store last year and I had nightmares for three weeks. They're a normal reaction to trauma, you never have to apologise for them. Not to me." Her eyes slipped closed for a moment before she nodded. "If you wanna _talk_ about them however, my door's always open." Kate slipped her hand up to gently take his, entwining their fingers as she pulled it away from her face.

"Was it bad? I don't remember." She murmured. Rick stroked his thumb back and forth at the base of her skull where his hand still rested.

"It wasn't great, I'll admit." Kate sighed. "It really frightened me when you cried out and then went limp." He chuckled self-consciously. "I check your pulse." He admitted softly. Kate sighed again, squeezing his hand.

"I'm s..." he shot her a look and she changed tactic. "I didn't mean to frighten you. I didn't have one the night I phoned you and I thought it was because I knew you were there. So I thought, maybe, I wouldn't have them here. Guess I was wrong." She shrugged disheartened. Rick wheeled forward some more until his knees bracketed hers.

"Kate, if..." he paused, not really sure how she'd take this offer. "If you have a nightmare, and it doesn't wake Alexis and she doesn't come wake me, you know _you _can come wake me, right?" She opened her mouth to protest but he shook his head. "No, Kate. I mean it. In fact, I'm asking you. If you have a nightmare tonight, come down here and wake me." He pointed to a door to his left. "That's my bedroom. It's never locked. If you have a nightmare and wake yourself up, and need someone, come wake me Kate. I will never be angry with you if you do." Kate nodded slowly.

"I, thank you." He could tell she was struggling. He gently guided her head forward and placed a lingering kiss to her forehead. When he pulled back, he smiled at the soft smile curving her lips.

"Now, have you eaten yet?"

It took very little persuasion to make Kate stay the night again. They had managed to look at a few rehabs, but it was all too raw for Kate and once she started trembling, Rick stopped, unable to handle making her so sad. Once again, they spent the evening together with Alexis, watching a Joss Whedon show about a space cowboy that they both apparently loved. By the end, Kate had realised why.

Rick went up to tuck Alexis in while Kate took a shower, and then made his way into her room. She was running a towel through her hair in her pyjamas as she sat on the end of the bed.

"Now, you gonna come wake me if you have another nightmare?" He asked softly. Kate sighed.

"Rick, I'm not a child." She murmured a little defensively. Rick chuckled.

"I am _well_ aware of _that_ Kate." He smiled and couldn't help dropping his eyes to her long, tanned, perfect legs, drifting up to her face slowly, lingering on the swell of her bust for perhaps just a moment too long. She blushed furiously. "But that doesn't mean you have to suffer in silence." He continued soberly. "I want to help you through this, and you need to help me to do that." Kate nodded.

"Okay, I'll..." she sighed resignedly. "I'll come wake you. I promise." Rick smiled.

"Good. I will hopefully see you in the morning, if not, I'll see you in a few hours." Kate nodded.

"See you soon."


	12. Chapter 12

When Kate woke up in a cold sweat, a silent scream on her lips, she could have wept.

She hated these dreams more than anything.

But more than that, she knew she now had to go and admit to Rick that she was a weak little girl who had scary dreams.

She hated that side of her, hated that he had to see it, but she knew she couldn't lie to him. She could never look him in the eye and tell him she hadn't had a nightmare that night.

She also knew, deep in the depths of her heart, a place she very rarely listened to anymore, that what she really wanted, more than anything, was to be held. To be rocked back to sleep in the arms of someone who cared about her. For them to whisper sweet nothings in her ear and give her empty promises that everything was going to be okay. In truth, she wanted her mother, but she _needed_ him.

With that thought on her mind, and tears on her cheeks, she untangled herself from her bed sheets and made her way down the stairs.

She hesitated in the doorway, not entirely sure how to go about this.

How do you wake a man you barely know and tell him you had a bad dream and need a cuddle?

She was just about to give up and go back to bed when he rolled onto his back and lifted the covers on the left side of the bed. She smiled slightly and took the invitation, walking further into the room and slipping into the covers.

"Hey." He murmured his voice soft and heavy with sleep.

"Hi." She whispered thickly. She was laid right on the edge of the bed, as far away from him as possible, not sure of the stipulations and boundaries this offer came with.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asked softly. She shrugged.

"Maybe later? Not sure I can right now." Rick nodded.

"That's okay." He smiled at her warmly. "I don't bite you know, if you wanna come closer?" She turned to him with watery eyes.

"Can I?" She choked. Rick smiled so softly it broke her heart.

"Of course you can." He extended his arm and wrapped it around her back as she flung herself into his embrace.

Her hand curled in his shirt above his heart as she wept into his chest. Rick gently kissed the top of her head, leaving his lips there as he breathed her in.

"It's okay, Kate." He murmured, holding her as close as he could, stroking long, slow lines up and down her spine. "I'm here Sweetheart; it's all going to be okay." He kissed her hair again and wrapped the hand on his chest in his spare one, cradling her fist in his palm. "You're safe Kate. You're safe here. I've got you." She shuddered as sobs ripped through her. "Oh Kate, it's alright Angel, it's all alright. Let it out. I've got you."

Slowly, several minutes after she'd curled into him, her tears started to fade, her sobs replaced by errant hiccups.

"You okay?" He asked softly. She nodded against him.

"Uh huh." Rick pressed another kiss to her head before drawing back slightly. She held on tighter without meaning to.

"Hey, it's okay, I'm not going anywhere." He assured her softly before moving to his side so they were face to face. Her eyes sparkled emerald in the subtle moon light, the emotion making them that bit brighter. He smiled gently. "What happened, Kate?" He asked in a concerned whisper, gently stroking the side on her face with the back of his fingers.

"I couldn't see anything." She started slowly, timidly, as is she was afraid to say too much. "I heard her screaming, crying out for me." He didn't need to ask to whom she was referring. "Then the scene changed. It, it was..." she tailed off as tears built in her eyes again.

"Hey, you're safe." Rick told her gently. "I've got you, you're here, and you're safe. No one's going to hurt you, Kate. I promise." She closed her eyes for a moment before meeting his again.

"It was you." She whispered, staring at his chin so she didn't have to look him in the eye. "You were lying there Rick, alone and scared and d-dying, and I couldn't move. I couldn't save you." She forced out. Rick drew her into his chest, wrapping both his arms around her back and curling his calf around both of hers, holding her as close as he could.

"I'm here Kate. I'm right here." He murmured. She nodded into his chest.

"I know, but I was so scared, Rick. I thought, I thought I'd lost you." He shook his head, resting his chin on the top of her head, tucking her face into his neck.

"Never. Oh, Kate _never_." He soothed.

He felt her tears dampen his skin but didn't move, knowing she needed this right now. Just to be held, to be assured she wasn't alone, that he would never leave her. His heart broke and melted simultaneously when she'd said she'd dreamt about him.

Obviously it hurt, that she had had a dream where he had died, that she had been in so much pain, been so afraid, but that fact she clearly cared for him so much that she put his leaving in the same ballpark as her mother's, made his heart swell just a little. He knew she cared, that much was obvious, but he had no idea the depth of that care until now.

"Are you going to tell me off if I apologise for waking you and blubbing all over you?" She asked softly, a tiny hint of humour in her voice. He chuckled and felt her smile.

"Yes." He answered simply.

"But you know I mean it?" Rick nodded.

"I do." Her smile grew a little and she pressed a kiss to his throat.

"Thank you Rick." He shook his head and dropped a kiss to her hair.

"Always." He pulled back just a little and kissed her forehead before settling back on his back, drawing her close into his chest and falling asleep, but only once he was sure her breathing had evened out too.


	13. Chapter 13

Author's Note-I'm not entirely sure about the latter half of this chapter. I think Kate is very abrupt and hurtful and that Rick jumps the gun a little but I think I just about made it work. Let me know what you think. NYLF xx

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When Rick woke the next morning he wasn't surprised to find a warm weight on his chest. Cherries filled his senses as he determined that the weight was definitely Kate-shaped rather than Alexis-shaped. Rick opened his eyes slowly and smiled when he saw the mass of chestnut curls spread across his shoulder. She'd clearly slept through the night and hadn't moved an inch.

He felt her sigh and watched as her nose crinkled. He felt an urge to kiss away the wrinkles but knew if she woke up to find him staring at her, it would get awkward.

He closed his eyes and fought to deepen his breathing, hoping she'd think he was still asleep, giving her time to process and work out what she wanted to do, how she wanted to handle the morning after despite the significant lack of the night before.

Kate sighed and let her eyes flutter open. It had been the best night she'd had since the ninth and she had to attribute it to the man she was currently using as a pillow. She was grateful that he was letting her come to terms with everything before letting her know he was awake. She smiled softly before pressing a kiss to his chest.

"I know you're awake you know." She murmured. Rick chuckled.

"What gave me away?" Kate lifted her head to face him with a soft smile.

"The fact that you've been stroking my back for the last minute." Rick looked down at his hand in surprise.

"I, I didn't realise I was doing that." He chuckled nervously. "So, how'd you sleep in the end?"

"Better than I have in a while." She told him honestly. "Thank you." He shook his head, gently tucking an errant curl behind her ear.

"No need to thank me Kate. I haven't slept that well in a while either." Kate smiled shyly before sitting up. She stared at his sheets as a hint of blush trailed across her cheeks. "You alright?" Rick asked gently, pulling himself to sit against the headboard.

"I..." she shook her head. "It's nothing." She moved to get up but Rick gently captured her wrist in his hand.

"Hey, Kate talk to me." He spoke softly but she knew it wasn't a request.

"What are we doing?" She whispered, never once looking up at him.

"What do you mean?" Rick asked gently, stroking his thumb across the hand he was yet to let go of.

"We shared a bed. You keep touching me, and kissing my forehead, and you keep letting me kiss your cheek and..." she filtered off as her tone got more and more vulnerable. She shook her head and he couldn't be certain, but he was pretty sure tears were building in her eyes. "What are we doing?" She whispered again tearfully. Rick sat up and gently cupped the side of her head.

"Kate. I was trying to be your friend. I know that I've been giving you mixed signals and I'm sorry. If you want me to back off, then I will." Kate slowly dragged her eyes up to meet his and confirmed his suspicion. Watery green met clear blue.

"I..." she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I think Alexis is awake." She stood and made her way out of his bedroom before he could stop her. He heard her go up the stairs before her door closed and sighed. That didn't go exactly as he'd planned.

They had been walking on eggshells around each other all day. They each put a brave face on so as not to alarm Alexis but even the four year old knew something was going on between them. Rick put Alexis down for her nap mid afternoon and quickly realised that this would be the only time they could hash things out before they were headed for bed.

Kate was sat on the sofa, nursing a coffee, when he sat down next to her, giving her enough room so that they didn't touch, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable. In that school of thought, he decided to start with, in his opinion, the easier of the subjects they needed to handle; her sleeping arrangements.

"So." He started a little nervously. "Are you sleeping with me tonight?" Kate looked up alarmed and he immediately knew how she'd taken that. He opened his mouth to back peddle but she was already started.

"Is this what you do Rick? Find vulnerable young women, make them feel safe and then proposition them?" She ranted, angry and hurt.

"Kate, I didn't mean it like..." Rick started but to now avail.

"Do you just troll public libraries looking for women you think are easy marks? At least I'm the youngest. Well, I really, _really_ _hope_ I'm the youngest."

"Kate!?" He cried, outraged and astounded she would say such a thing.

"Is that how you got Meredith?" She asked, practically shouting by now.

"Stop talking, Kate." Rick murmured, his voice low and dangerous. That nerve was raw and she knew it, yet here she was practically tap dancing on top of it.

"Just found her looking vulnerable and started hitting on her, then waited two days before propositioning her and then what? Knocked her up? Is that how this works? Was I next?" She cried, her tongue running away with her. She was afraid and trapped and did the only thing she knew how, she pushed everything away.

"Get out." Rick murmured darkly.

"What?" Kate asked, anger fading out to hurt. Rick stood and took Kate's coat from the cupboard beside the front door, before holding it out to her.

"I'd like you to leave now. Go take some time, cool off. When you're ready to apologise, you can come back and we'll talk about this." Kate stared at him. Her eyes blazed, yes she was pushing but he didn't need to patronise her.

"I'm not your daughter Rick, you can't treat me like a child." She snapped. Rick didn't blink.

"Stop acting like one and I wouldn't have to." He volleyed back, giving her nowhere to hide. She deflated slightly.

"What about Alexis?" It was a last ditch attempt and she knew it, but she had to try.

"What about her?"

"What will you tell her, if she asks where I am?"

"What I always tell her, the truth; that you said some mean things you didn't mean and are taking some time to cool off." Rick announced with finality.

Kate knew she had no other option.

She took her coat without meeting his eye and left without looking back.

Rick flopped onto the sofa with a heavy sigh while Kate leaned against the back of the front door, rolling her tear filled eyes skyward. It was only when she'd left, she realised she had nowhere to go.


	14. Chapter 14

Author's Note-Wow guys, fifteen reviews for the last chapter. I'm speechless. I'm updating quickly this time because I'm going into hospital for three days tomorrow and otherwise you'd have to wait until Saturday. Also, I thought you needed at least some resolution to this before then. See you soon, NYLF xx

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It had been hours.

Rick had woken, fed and spent the afternoon with Alexis before bathing her and tucking her in with a bedtime story. She'd only asked where Kate was once. His tight jaw and watery eyes as he explained ensured she didn't ask again. She did ask him to say goodnight for her when she returned though.

That was an hour ago and he was now sat on the couch with a glass of scotch.

He'd tried calling, but was sent straight to her voicemail. He'd sent her a text asking her to just text him if she wasn't coming back tonight, but he hadn't heard back.

He felt utterly stupid.

He'd taken the girl in because she had nowhere else to go. He'd asked where her friend Maddie lived and it turned out she was in halls. Kate couldn't stay there for any length of time. And she couldn't go home, not with her emotions all over the place and her dad in the state he was in.

Yes, she'd said things that hurt him, cut him deeper than he had been in a while, since he'd found Meredith and her director if he was truly honest, but he cared for her. He would never forgive himself if anything happened to her because her had sent her away. He didn't think Alexis would either.

He sighed and tried calling again. When he, predictably, didn't get an answer it was all he could do not to throw the damn thing against a wall. But he knew if he did that, she had no way to contact him.

This was a nightmare.

He should have locked himself in his office until they'd both calmed down, at least then he wouldn't have to worry about her safety.

He hadn't meant to give her the wrong impression. He had meant 'sleeping with him' in the most literal, platonic sense and he hadn't meant to make her feel like an 'easy mark' when he'd started talking to her at the library. He groaned and put his head in his hands. How did they mess this up quite so royally in one conversation?

It was nearly ten when Rick was startled from his dozing by a hesitant knock at his door. He was on his feet and across the loft in seconds, before wrenching the door open. There stood Kate, drenched from top to bottom, her eyes red and swollen from crying so much. And she wouldn't look at him.

"Kate?" He murmured, his voice soft and croaky from lack of use. She didn't move. "Kate look at me, please?" She shook her head, a near on invisible movement but he caught it. "Kate you must be freezing." It was true. Had she not been so tense, working so hard to stop all movement, she would be shivering out of her skin. But she still wouldn't look at him.

"Kate?" He murmured again, now starting to get worried. "Are you hurt?" She didn't move and that had him only more worried. "Kate, look at me please." He'd stopped asking and started demanding.

Ever so slowly, she lifted her head until she would meet his eyes, were hers not closed. There was a nasty gash on her cheek, which still hadn't completely stopped bleeding.

Rick gasped and quickly wrapped his arm around her shoulders, dragging her into the loft. "Kate, what the hell happened?" He asked urgently as he led her to the kitchen.

He didn't even hesitate before lifting her by the waist and perching her on the counter, just as he would Alexis. He quickly found his first aid kit and returned to her side. The fact she hadn't said a word was eating away at him. What if she was in shock? What if she was more hurt than was obvious?

He carefully pulled an antiseptic wipe from the packet before stopping a few millimetres shy of her cheek.

"This is going to sting Kate, but I can't risk you getting an infection, so I'm going to do it anyway." He told her before gently pressing the cloth against her wound.

She hissed and bit her lower lip but otherwise didn't move as he made quick work of cleaning it.

He debated for a moment whether she'd need stitches, but it didn't seem too deep so he settled for butterfly bandages, thanking his lucky stars that he had such an advanced medical kit, as he taped her cheek and smoothed the edges down.

"Now, you gonna tell me what happened?" He asked, moving to put away the supplies and wash his hands. She didn't say a word and he sighed. "Okay. I'm going to get you an icepack for your cheek to bring down the swelling and then get you some pain killers so you won't feel it as much."

He carefully helped her off the counter and went to the freezer to retrieve an icepack.

Once he had the gel based pouch in hand, he wrapped it in a clean dish cloth and gently held it to her cheek, taking her hand in his spare one and holding it up to replace his. He then took two pills from the bottle he'd taken from the medical kit and and filled a glass of water before returning to her side.

"Just answer me one question, okay? Is this your only injury?" He asked softly. She nodded a tiny movement. "Were you attacked?" He knew he was pushing his luck but he had to try. She shook her head quickly. "Okay. Take these and then we'll see if you're ready to talk." He nudged the pills towards her and made his way to the couch.

He'd wait her out if he had to. He just really hoped they could sort this out.


	15. Chapter 15

Author's Note-Broken jaws? No fun. At all. I feel like shit but thought I should give you all a treat. If I don't respond to your questions, it's because I'm dead. Okay. Enjoy. NYLF xx

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She hesitated beside the couch a few minutes later after taking her pills and catching her breath.

Rick looked at her and passed her the towel he'd retrieved. She smiled slightly and wrapped the terrycloth bath sheet around her before perching on the edge of the couch.

She hugged herself tightly, pulling the towel tight as she fought to get warm. She should shower and change, but she knew they had to talk before she could do that. Rick leaned back against the back of the couch as he watched her.

"I tripped." Kate murmured suddenly. She didn't turn to face him, but at least she was talking. "It started raining, hard, and I was kinda just wandering so I got soaked pretty fast. My heel slipped off the curb and I went down with it." She cleared her throat. "I guess I forgot to put my hands out." She refused to tell him that she was crying so hard that she didn't see the edge of the path. Rick sighed gently.

"Well that was silly." He murmured softly. She huffed once but he thought it was more humour than exasperation. "Does it hurt?" She shook her head.

"Not much. It'll hurt even less when the pills kick in." Rick nodded. He watched as Kate shivered, pulling the towel so tight around her he was surprised it didn't hurt. He wanted more than anything to haul her into his lap and hold her close, hold her until she stopped shivering, but he knew they needed to talk. "I'm sorry." She whispered so quietly he nearly missed it. "I'm so sorry." She turned to face him for the first time since she knocked his door. Rick nodded.

"I know."

"I overreacted. This morning, I, I got scared." She told him haltingly. "I didn't know how to handle it so I pushed you away. I do that. I'm working on it." She looked down as the first tear fell.

"Kate." He waited until she looked up before continuing. "I forgive you." She nodded gratefully. "So how about you shower and change, warm up a bit, and then go to bed? You look like you could do with a good night's rest." She nodded and captured her lower lip between her teeth. "What is it?" He asked softly, trying not to push her too hard.

"I, I was wondering, if, if maybe..." she shook her head, frustrated with her own lack of eloquence tonight.

"You can tell and ask me anything Kate, you should know that." Kate nodded, briefly meeting his eye.

"May I stay with you again tonight? I don't wanna be alone." She whispered. Rick smiled softly.

"Of course you may. Go grab your stuff for the night and you can use my bathroom." She smiled softly and he didn't think he'd ever been so happy to see it. "Hey Kate?" She nodded shyly. "Thank you for coming back."

"Always." She whispered before disappearing up the stairs while he made his way to the bedroom.

It was two am when Rick was ripped from his sleep by a sharp cry beside him. Once he'd worked out what was going on, where he was and who it was in his bed, he sat up beside her and gently captured her hand before she could hurt herself or him.

"Kate? It's okay Kate I'm here." He started softly, holding her hand securely in his grip. "You need to wake up Kate, it's just a dream, I'm here."

"No…no…p-please. Daddy no!" She pleaded unconsciously, trying to wrench her hand from him.

Rick held on tighter until she started thrashing. Her entire body bucked off the bed as she hit out with both her arms and legs. Rick had no idea what to do so he followed his first instinct. He quickly threw his leg over her and sat on the tops of her thighs, halting the majority of her movement, but being careful not to crush her.

She planted her unoccupied hand hard on his sternum, winding him a little before he captured that hand too and pinned them both to the bed.

"Kate. You need to wake up. It's me. It's Rick. You're safe Sweetheart. Wake up for me." He ordered. She shook her head from side to side, tears leaking from beneath her eye lids.

"R-Rick…please...no…don't." Above her, Rick paused. He really hoped she wasn't begging _him _to stop in her dreams. He couldn't handle it if he was the one giving her nightmares.

"Come on Kate." He murmured, leaning down to speak directly into her ear. "Wake up for me Kate. Come on Darling wake up." Her eyes burst open and his heart skipped a beat at the raw unadulterated fear in them. "Hey, Kate it's okay. You're safe." He soothed softly.

"R-Rick?" She asked hesitantly. He smiled before carefully letting go of her left hand and tucking a curl behind her ear with his fingertips. "Where..." she swallowed, "where am I?" Rick sighed.

"You're at my loft, in my bed." She nodded slowly.

"And you're on top of me?" She asked quietly. Rick had the good grace to look embarrassed.

"I thought you were going to hurt yourself." He explained as he removed himself from her legs and sat beside her. "It stopped you thrashing." She nodded again. "What happened in your dream Kate?"

She dropped his eye line and suddenly found the comforter very interesting.

"You," he cleared his throat. "You said 'Rick please, no don't' was..." he hesitated, not sure he could handle the answer. "Was I hurting you Kate?" She shook her head quickly, looking back at him with tearful eyes.

"No, Rick. Of course not." She murmured.

"So..." he prompted. She sighed, pulling herself into an upright seated position and playing with her fingers. "Kate, I won't judge..."

"They had you, okay?" She blurted, interrupting his reassurance. "They had killed my mom and you were handcuffed to a chair and my dad was beside you holding a gun to your head." She told him rapidly, ignoring the tears streaming down her face. "He was yelling at me. I can't remember what he said but I know I _hated_ him for it." She shook her head before looking up at him desperately. "You don't hate me right?" Rick was taken aback by the frantic question. "In, in the dream you were saying how it was all my fault and how you hated me for putting you in that position. You don't hate me though, right? 'Cause I couldn't handle it if you hated me Rick." He quickly pulled her into his chest and cradled her tight.

"No, Kate. I don't hate you. I could _never_ hate you Kate." She sobbed into his chest as she crawled into his lap. Rick didn't hesitate to wrap her in his arms and hold her as close as he could. "It's okay Sweetheart." He murmured, rocking them both gently. "I've got you. You're safe now." She sobbed into his chest and Rick felt the back of his eyes burn at the sound of her pure pain as it leaked from her. "I'll never let anyone hurt you Kate, I promise."


	16. Chapter 16

He held her close the entire night, standing vigil over her, ready at a moment's notice to wake her from her nightmares.

He studied her. Noticed every hitched breath, every fluttering eye movement, every time she parted her lips and sighed. She didn't dream again. Well, given the faint smile on her lips between four and half past, she did, but at least they were pleasant this time around. She didn't have another nightmare, wasn't ripped from her sleep by her own imagination.

She woke naturally around seven, just as Rick was seriously struggling to keep his eyes open. She leaned into his chest for a moment and sighed softly before her eyes opened and found their way to his.

"Hi?" She asked confusedly. Rick smiled a little self consciously. "Were you watching me sleep?" Rick shrugged. "Little creepy, Rick." He chuckled.

"You scared me last night Kate. I wanted to make sure I was awake to wake you if you had another nightmare." Kate smiled softly.

"Thank you, that's sweet." She smiled. "But you didn't sleep at all?"

"I slept from half ten till two." He offered sheepishly.

"Rick, I am aware that writers are notorious insomniacs, but you cannot survive on three and a half hours sleep." She chastised gently, sitting up beside him.

"I've heard that an hour before midnight is worth two after." She raised an eyebrow at him.

"Then you have still only slept for _five hours_." She sighed. She shook her head, looking over his shoulder for a moment before seemingly coming to a decision. "You need to sleep. You will crash and burn otherwise."

"And Alexis?" He reminded her softly.

"I, I could..." she filtered off, suddenly hesitant.

"Yes?" He prompted softly.

"I, I could always wake her up, give her her breakfast, play with her for a while? Four year olds are hardly rocket surgery." He smirked at her.

"You barely know her Kate." He reminded her gently, not wanting to offend her.

"And you will be right here if we need you. Do you not trust me?" Rick smiled tenderly.

"It isn't about trust Kate. I _know _my daughter is in safe hands with you. I'm more worried about you in hers actually." He joked, bringing a smile from her. "Just, wake me, if anything happens okay? Even if it's tiny. Even if it's just to ask my advice, just, come wake me. Please?" Kate nodded.

"Of course." He smiled before yawning. "Get some sleep." She pressed a feather light kiss to his forehead and slipped out of bed.

Kate crept into the butter yellow room and leaned against the doorway as she watched the little redhead sleep.

The room was beautiful really, now she had a chance to see it in daylight.

The white washed pine four-poster bed, with white gossamer drapes, and intricately hand carved head and foot boards, sat in the far corner, the matching wardrobe in the parallel corner.

The door opened straight onto the bed while the dresser sat in the opposite corner to the wardrobe.

In between the furniture on the far wall, sat a huge toy box. That too was white washed pine with hand prints of all colours all over it. They ranged from tiny to huge.

Kate smiled to herself.

The smallest could only belong to a new born, meaning Rick had printed his daughter's hand against the wood when she was first home. The smaller ones varied slightly, all the way up to what could only be four year old Alexis' hand span. The bigger ones didn't change, but she could guess those easily. Daddy Rick had printed his own hands right beside his baby girl.

Kate couldn't help the beaming smile that crossed her face. He was such a good daddy.

She silently made her way to kneel beside the head of the bed, watching for another moment as the tiny angel before her slept. She looked so very peaceful and Kate was almost regretful she had to wake her.

She gently teased a fire red strand from the child's porcelain forehead and stroked her cheek with the backs of her fingers.

"Alexis, hey Little Red, time to wake up." Kate murmured gently. Alexis' eyes fluttered slightly before she blinked owlishly at Kate. "Hey, good morning." Alexis smiled.

"Morning Kate." She murmured, rubbing her tiny fist against her eye. Kate smiled back. "Where's daddy?" Kate perched on the edge of the mattress and couldn't help but to keep stroking the child's cheek.

"He's sleeping, he was up _all night_." Alexis sighed and it was all Kate could do not to giggle.

"Was he writing again?" Kate smiled brightly.

"Something like that." She wouldn't worry her with the truth. "You ready to get up?" Alexis nodded slowly before pushing back the covers and crawling into Kate's lap, flopping her head against her chest. "You okay?" She felt her nod against her sternum.

"Daddy and I always cuddle before we get up." She explained around a yawn. Kate smiled and held the girl close.

"Then we shall too." She rested her cheek against the tiny red head and breathed her in. She was in serious danger of getting used to this.

Breakfast was an uneventful affair.

Kate made pancake batter, while Alexis sat perched on the counter furthest away from the stove, so as not to risk burning herself.

Kate poured most of the batter into a jug and left the rest in the fridge for Rick to cook when he woke up. Alexis had insisted that 'Daddy would be grumpy if they had pancakes without saving him any'. Once they were cooked, they sat at the breakfast bar and ate their smiley face pancakes with syrup hair.

After they had eaten, Kate sent Alexis off to get dressed while she crept back into Rick's room to dress herself.

She quickly scribbled a note on a sheet of paper from his notepad beside his bed, saying that they had had breakfast and there was pancake batter in the fridge for him. She carried on to say that she was taking Alexis to the park for an hour or so and had her phone if he needed her.

She left it on what had been her pillow, and couldn't resist kissing the tip of his nose before she left.


	17. Chapter 17

Rick stood on the edge of the playground and watched with a soft smile as Kate supported the bottoms of Alexis' feet while she pulled herself along the monkey bars. They both looked so happy.

After the night they'd had, Rick couldn't help but again be proud of his little girl, for putting that smile on Kate's face. He also couldn't help but be glad he'd stumbled across Kate.

He hadn't seen his little girl giggle so often in her _mother's_ presence, in the entirety of her tiny life. Kate was something special. He just had to work out if she was destined to be his best friend or so much more.

Kate took hold of Alexis' waist and put her back on the ground once they reached the last bar. Alexis took off like a shot towards the unoccupied swing set.

"Come on Kate, come swing with me." Kate laughed at the child's antics before taking off after her.

For the first time in a while now, she didn't care if she looked ridiculous as she chased after the girl and scooped her up, holding her high above her head as she spun around on the spot, keeping the girl safely aloft as she stretched as far as she could. Alexis laughed long and loudly as Kate spun her.

"I'm flying." Alexis giggled before Kate brought her down to her chest and held her close, quickly catching her breath. "To the swings!" Alexis cheered, pushing out her little fist in front of her, making Kate laugh. She set Alexis down properly and watched with an almost parental smile as the four year old rushed to the swing set.

"Your daughter's beautiful." A voice drew Kate's attention.

Stood beside her, watching as Alexis got herself on the swing and started to pump her tiny legs, was a brunette woman who looked to be in her early thirties. She was clutching a little boy, no older than two, to her hip while she smiled between Kate and Alexis. Kate chuckled nervously, not sure how to handle it for a second. But when she thought about it, she kind of liked that she was being mistaken for the mother of such an angelic little girl. Kate smiled at the woman proudly.

"Thank you, I certainly think so." The woman smiled and moved over to the jungle gym while Kate watched Alexis for a moment longer. She shook her head at herself before striding over to the swing set to help Alexis.

They played for a little while longer before Alexis suddenly charged off towards the gate, leaving Kate momentarily stunned before chasing after her.

"Alexis, where are you...?" The question trailed off as she spotted Rick crouched on the ground, eyes closed, Alexis holding herself into his chest, while Rick held her gently with his biceps, his hands full with three ice cream cones.

Kate smiled gently at the scene before gently laying her hand on his wrist to attract his attention and taking two of the cones, allowing him to wrap his right arm around Alexis and hold her tighter as he stood up and carried her to a bench, before sitting her in his lap.

"Daddy." Alexis sighed against his chest, making Kate's heart melt just a little. "You're up." She assessed quietly. Rick smiled and kissed her crown before resting his cheek against it.

"Yeah Pumpkin, and I brought ice cream." Kate shook her head. "What?" He asked quietly, tilting his head to look at her without removing it from its cushion of red hair.

"Only _you_ would bring ice cream cones in the middle of _January_." Rick chuckled.

"Alexis likes ice cream. And I missed our morning cuddle. I needed to make it up to her." Kate's eyes slipped closed softly. He was such a wonderful father.

Something twisted hard in Kate's gut and she felt sick when she realised it was jealousy.

She was _jealous_ of a _four year old_.

She shook her head, opening her eyes to find Rick staring at her concernedly. She flashed him a smile before passing Alexis one of the cones in her hand and hiding her face behind her own. She really hoped she wasn't going to tear up in the middle of a playground.

"Did you have fun baby girl?" Rick asked Alexis as she ate her ice cream, apparently happy enough to drop the subject for now. The girl nodded enthusiastically.

"Kate helped me on the bars, and then she aeroplane-ed me and pushed me on the swings." Kate smiled softly at her. "A lady told Kate that her daughter was beautiful, too, but I didn't know you had a daughter?" She turned her bright blue curious eyes on the nineteen year old. Kate blushed and dropped her gaze.

"I think the lady meant you Pumpkin." Rick told her gently, trying not to embarrass Kate any further.

"But she didn't correct her?" Rick looked up at Kate, something playing in his gaze she couldn't decipher.

"I'm sorry. It was just easier. I didn't mean to upset you, or make you angry, or offend you I promise. I won't do it again." Kate rambled nervously. Rick was about to chuckle when he saw just how worried about this she really was.

"Hey, hey no. It's alright." Rick assured her quickly. "I'm not upset or angry and I'm certainly not offended Kate. It just, surprised me, that's all. It's okay." Kate nodded quickly before studying her ice cream.

_Interesting,_ Rick thought as he watched her. He knew Kate was getting attached to his daughter, but hadn't expected her to be quite so alright with people thinking she was hers.

And she was worried he'd be _offended_? It was almost laughable really. Why on earth would he be offended that sweet, caring, beautiful, vulnerable Kate was happy to be so closely associated with his marvellous little girl?

He had a feeling she'd avoid this steadfastly if he brought it up, but he wanted to have a conversation about this. He needed to know what was going on in that gorgeous head of hers.


	18. Chapter 18

Alexis was perched on Kate's hip, attentively making sure her remaining ice-cream didn't drip on either of them, while Rick opened doors for them.

They had decided to go to lunch while they were out and Kate had recommended the little family diner down the road; _Remy's._ Rick ushered them into a booth in the back corner and smiled as Kate sat opposite him, slotting Alexis onto her lap rather than sitting her beside her. It seemed that she'd gotten over the irrational need to ask his permission every time she touched her.

Once they were all situated, a young waitress, who couldn't be far off Kate's age, came and handed them menus, asking of they'd like to start with drinks. Rick ordered a coffee for himself and Kate and an orange juice for Alexis. The waitress smiled before leaving them to it.

"Coffee's nasty." Alexis declared before popping the last of her ice cream cone in her mouth. Rick laughed while Kate smiled at the four year old.

"And when did you try coffee, young lady?" She asked, mock seriously. Alexis giggled.

"Daddy let me try it 'cause I asked. It was yucky."

"You may grow to like it." Kate chuckled before whipping a napkin out of the holder and passing it to Alexis. "But right now, you have ice-cream all over your face." She laughed. Alexis passed the napkin back to Kate with a shy smile.

"Can you do it?"

Kate smiled and took the napkin, shooting Rick a nervous questioning look. He smiled reassuringly, making sure she knew she wasn't overstepping, and Kate gently cleaned the ice cream off. Once she was certain she was clean, Kate crumpled the napkin and dropped it into the centre of the table.

"Daddy?" Alexis asked quietly. Rick looked at his little girl and was immediately tense at the uncertain look in her eye.

"Yes, Alexis?" He asked gently. He noticed Kate slightly tighten her hold, offering the little one comfort. It made his heart glad.

"I know I'm not supposed to talk about it," she started slowly, nervously. Rick glanced up at Kate, not even sure himself why he was looking to her for help, so he was unsurprised when she shrugged. He looked back down at his daughter just in time to see her dragging her eyes from the table to meet his. "Is mommy coming to visit soon?" Rick sighed. "It's just, she wasn't there for my birthday, or Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or New Year and she _promised_ she'd come see us. I, I know I'm not meant to bring it up..." Rick shook his head, interrupting her ramble.

"Who told you, you couldn't bring your mom up?" He asked seriously. Alexis looked down at her hands as they twisted in her lap. He noticed that she leaned a little further into Kate's chest while she did so. "Hey, Pumpkin, talk to me. You aren't in trouble." Rick murmured soothingly. "Baby, who told you, you couldn't talk about your mom?" Alexis looked up at him with wide, sad eyes.

"You just always look so sad, Daddy." Alexis muttered before burying her head in Kate's chest.

Kate, bless her, wrapped her arms around her and held her firmly, rocking them back and forth slightly, trying to settle her, while Rick's eyes slammed shut as he put his head in his hands.

A moment later, Rick pulled himself together and rounded the table before crouching in front on the two girls.

"Hey, Alexis, Pumpkin?" He whispered, trying to grab her attention. She turned her head, while keeping her forehead on Kate's sternum, to face him. There were tears in her eyes and Rick's heart broke. "Come here Little One." He continued, holding out his arms to her.

Alexis held up her arms and Rick scooped her up, holding her like a baby into his chest before sitting back in his seat. Kate smiled sadly as Rick murmured soothings in his daughter's ear, trying to stop the tears that were now making their way down her flushed face.

Kate found herself, for the first time in seventeen days, thinking back on her time with her mother fondly.

Yes, she'd been ripped from them and torn Kate's life apart. Her death had destroyed her father, and their close relationship along with it. It had put all of Kate's plans on hold and gripped her in a depression so bad, that she had cried more in these last few days, than she had in her whole life since it stopped being her main method of communication.

But at least she'd _had_ those times.

At least she'd had until just after her nineteenth birthday to live her life knowing her mother was there for her.

The tiny angel before her had just three years, and barely that. Her mother left her when she needed her most, for her _career_.

It made Kate sick to think that any parent could abandon their child for something quiet so trivial. But it made her appreciate her time she'd had with her mother that much more. Because she'd gotten more than six times longer than Alexis had had, and at least Johanna's departure had been involuntary.

At least Kate would never question if her mother wanted to spend time with her. And despite the fact she'd never said it to her; Kate could see something in Alexis' eyes that told her at some point she would start questioning if it was something to do with her.

Kate hoped between herself and the girl's family, they would convince her other wise, but she was so very grateful she would never have those doubts about her own mother.


	19. Chapter 19

Alexis cried herself out a short time later and managed to eat her lunch.

She was almost silent throughout and, given what a great time they'd had that morning, it made both adults' hearts ache to see her in so much pain.

Rick went straight up to her room when they got home, smiling apologetically at Kate. She shook her head, understanding that he needed to sort this out between them before putting her down for her nap.

She didn't need to be privy to the conversation, one so personal between father and daughter. It wasn't her place.

Instead, while they were upstairs, Kate went about making coffee for herself and Rick, having a feeling he'd need the caffeine to stay awake, and the the familiarity of the beverage to calm his nerves after this.

She knew how frayed the nerve was when it came to his ex wife, having needled it herself. Knowing that she was still causing his baby girl pain, despite her not even being there, it would be enough to make him crack.

She needed to do something to offer him comfort, even if it was just make coffee.

More than an hour later, Rick slumped into the couch cushions, running a weary hand across his eyes and around the back of his neck. He sighed deeply, leaning his head back as his eyes slipped closed.

In the next moment, his nose was filled with the glorious and welcomed scent of freshly brewed coffee.

"Here." Kate murmured gently. Rick slowly opened his eyes and found Kate sitting on the edge of his coffee table, a sympathetic smile on her lips, two mugs of coffee in her hands. "She asleep?" She asked softly once he'd taken his drink. He slipped it like it was precious lifeblood, raising his eyebrows quickly to answer her question.

"Yeah. She dropped off a couple of minutes ago."

Kate nodded. She'd had a feeling he'd need to watch her for a few moments once she was asleep to rediscover his footing on solid ground.

Rick sighed deeply, cradling the mug between his hands in his lap. "That woman has no right to do this to that beautiful, loving, passionate little girl." He said through gritted teeth. Kate had a feeling he wasn't even speaking to her, he just needed to get the words out. "Alexis is perfect and then that woman hurts her so irrevocably that I can see this never leaving her. What did my happy baby girl do to deserve her?" He asked rhetorically. Kate sighed softly and put her mug down beside her, and doing the same with his, before resting her hand on his thigh. "Sorry."

"No, Rick." Kate shook her head. "You don't have to apologise to me. She's your daughter. You have every right to be angry about this. You need to get it out or you'll make yourself ill. I'm happy to be your sounding board. God knows you've been mine in the last few days." She reminded him gently. He flashed her a half-hearted half grin before dropping his head into his hands.

"Alexis was barely three when her mom left." Rick started slowly. "I came home one day; I'd been in meetings all day with a publisher. I had just started writing with the intention of them being read, and wanted to know that I had a chance of being published once it was finished. I came home and Alexis all but threw herself at me. I'd never seen her like that, Kate."

He sighed and Kate softly stroked her thumb back and forth on his thigh. "I picked her up and she buried her little face in my neck. I asked her what was wrong and..." Rick trailed off and swallowed.

Kate opened her mouth to tell him he didn't need to tell her, but he continued before she could form the words.

"She told me 'mommy and a man were in her room and mommy sounded funny'. She thought her mom was in pain, in trouble."

He chuckled humourlessly. "I told her to go play and I'd see if mommy needed help. She smiled and kissed me before running off to play. I uhh, I went to our room and opened the door. She was there Kate; she was uhh, _riding _her director."

Kate felt sick. The pain on Rick's face made her want to claw the woman's eyes out and she'd never even met her.

"She didn't notice me until I cleared my throat." He shook his head, a sardonic smile on his face. "We had a blow-out, knock-down-drag-out argument. God, Kate the neighbours called the _cops_." He sighed. "She left that night. She went to California and I haven't seen her since. She _promised _Alexis she would come and visit. That she'd be here for her birthday and for mother's day and thanksgiving and all the rest of it. And I haven't seen her _since_. Kate, tell me, how does someone just walk out on their baby and never look back?"

Kate shrugged and squeezed his leg gently.

"I don't know." She whispered dejectedly. "I'm so sorry Rick. You deserve so much better, both of you." Rick smiled slightly. "I mean it Rick. I, I could _never_ walk out on that angelic baby upstairs and I'm nothing to do with her, and haven't even _known her_ for a week."

He sat up slowly and gently tucked his right hand around the side on her face, his thumb gently sweeping circles across the light dark smudges beneath her eyes. He glanced at the wound on her cheek quickly before locking their eyes.

"She adores you. She doesn't care that you barely know us." Rick murmured, his eyes never leaving hers.

"When I explained that her mom still loves her, she's just bad at remembering to call when she's on set- a complete lie given how I have _no idea_ what she's doing nowadays- she told me that if her mom _really_ loved her, she'd act more like _you_. She looks up to you Kate. You make her happy."

Kate felt heat creep up her neck as she fought to not blush.

"You make _both_ of us happy, Kate." He whispered.

She dropped her eyes to her lap at that. Her heart was slamming against her chest so hard she would have sworn he should be able to hear it.

"Kate, look at me." He asked, his voice soft but not giving her any impression it was a request.

She hesitated before slowly dragging her nervous eyes up to meet his own calm gaze.

"I'm going to kiss you now, unless you stop me."

She sucked in a ragged breath and felt her hands start to tremble.

"Stop me Kate." He murmured. Kate shook her head slowly. Rick gave her a tender smile before slowly leaning in and capturing her mouth in the sweetest kiss of her entire life.


	20. Chapter 20

Rick pulled back slowly a moment later. He rested his forehead against hers and waited for her to open her eyes. While he was waiting, he drank her in. Her elegant cheek bones, the gentle curve of her nose, her ebony lashes set against her rose blushed skin. She was beautiful. Truly beautiful.

Eventually, she drew her lower lip between her teeth as her eyes fluttered open.

"Hi." Rick whispered with a smile. Kate chuckled quietly.

"Hey." She murmured back. He smiled and pulled back so he could look her in the eye.

"You okay?" Kate shook her head in disbelief. "What?"

"The first question you ask after you kiss me is 'you okay'?" She asked incredulously.

Rick chuckled. "What would you have me ask, Ms Beckett?" Kate shrugged.

"I don't know. I, uhh, I haven't done this very often." Rick's face fell quickly.

"Shit, you really are only nineteen." He murmured more to himself than her. He took her hand in his suddenly. "You _have_ done this though, right? I mean, I'm not your first kiss or anything, right?" Kate smiled softly.

"I'm not a virgin, if that's what you're asking." She told him matter-of-factly, making him blush. "I won't be sharing my number with you." She added a little nervously. "It just probably isn't as big as yours." Rick nodded slowly.

"I won't ever push you. Not in this or anything else." He told her sincerely. Kate nodded slowly.

"I know Rick. I...I trust you." She nearly whispered, dropping her eyes to his chin. He gently put his fingers under her chin and pushed so she would face him.

"Kate..." he started softly. Kate shook her head.

"I'm okay. Really. I would have stopped you if I wasn't Rick, I promise." Rick nodded; he couldn't help but be relieved all the same. "I just...I wasn't expecting it. It came as a bit of a shock and may take some getting used to. That's all." She bit her lip to stop herself rambling. He chuckled.

"It's okay Kate. We have all the time in the world to figure this out." He smiled, gently cupping the side of her head again. "But I _would_ like to kiss you again. Maybe persuade you a little?" Kate giggled, much to Rick's amusement, and smiled coyly.

"I guess that could be arranged." She leaned in and kissed him quickly before Rick slid his hand through her hair to hold the back of her head, holding her to him.

He deepened the kiss in a heartbeat and Kate found herself moving forward without knowledge, a whisper of a moan escaping her parted lips only to be swallowed by him.

By the time they broke apart, oxygen becoming a necessity, she was straddling his lap.

They both chuckled at each other, mostly out of nervousness, before Kate leaned forward and dropped her head onto his shoulder. She was still trying to regain her breath while Rick gently ran his hand up and down her spine, slowly soothing her rattled composure.

A few moments later, Rick heard her sniff as a droplet of water hit his shoulder.

"Kate? Shit, are you crying?" He asked softly, worriedly, pulling back to look at her. Kate dipped her head to avoid eye contact. "Hey, oh Sweetheart I'm sorry." He murmured. Kate looked up, startled.

"Why, why are you apologising?" Rick smiled guiltily.

"I kissed you." He shrugged. Kate shook her head.

"Rick, I..." she smiled at him and gently laid her hand on his cheek. "I was just thinking about how my parents used to grill me about the new guy in my life. I was just thinking about how they wouldn't do that with you. It wasn't..." she chuckled. "It wasn't the kiss." Rick covered her hand with his own while smoothing away her tear with his other thumb.

"I'm the new guy in your life?" He asked softly. Kate smiled shyly.

"I presumed you wanted to be, given how you kissed me and all."

Rick chuckled. "I would be honoured to be the new guy in your life Kate. Honoured." Kate giggled and shook her head.

"What about Alexis?"

Rick smiled gently. "Kate I've already told you you make her happy. She'd adore you to be in her life more securely. Okay, so maybe we don't kiss in front of her until we talk to her." Kate nodded. "But she'll be fine with it. She loves you." Kate blushed.

"The age gap doesn't bother you?" Kate asked quietly. Rick hesitated for a moment, trying to keep up with the rapid subject change.

"Does it bother you?" He hedged. Kate shrugged.

"It's big, but I've known bigger." Rick fought valiantly not to smile, not quiet valiantly enough though. "Oh, you _child_!" Kate cried, playfully hitting his shoulder.

"Sorry. I couldn't resist." He chuckled. He carefully wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her closer so that they rested chest to chest. "Kate, I like you. You're great with my daughter and she loves you. I don't care that you're eight years younger than me. If it doesn't bother you, then I'm more than fine with it." Kate chuckled gently before resting her forehead against his.

"How did we get from Alexis crying about Meredith, to us being together?"

"It's been coming for two days Kate." Rick murmured. "We were inevitable; the heart wants what the heart wants."

Kate bit her lip shyly. "And your heart wants me?"

Rick smiled and kissed her gently before pulling back and tucking her hair behind her ear.

"My heart wants _yours_."


	21. Chapter 21

Kate was about to reply when they heard a door open upstairs. Kate was off his lap and sat beside him before Rick even knew what was happening.

He turned to her with a soft smile and laid his hand briefly on her knee. He pulsated his fingers once before standing and making his way up the stairs to check on Alexis.

Kate took the time to adjust herself to look more presentable and catch her breath. With such a rapid turn around in their relationship, she wouldn't be surprised if she had whiplash. She chuckled to herself at the thought before getting up and starting the coffee machine again.

Rick came down the stairs a few minutes later with Alexis on his hip, cradling her gently into his chest. He cleared his throat as he entered the kitchen to grab Kate's attention. She smiled at him but it quickly fell when she saw the solemn look on his face.

"Is everything okay?" She asked warily. Rick nodded slightly, absolving her fear that it was about _them_, before turning to Alexis.

"Pumpkin, why don't you tell Kate what you told me?" Alexis shook her head despite her father's soothing tone. "You remember I promised that she wouldn't be upset or angry?" Kate's brow furrowed in confusion and curiosity while Alexis nodded hesitantly. "So you should tell her Sweetie." The little girl turned to face Kate, watching the floor instead of making eye contact.

"It's okay, Little Red." Kate murmured carefully, using the nickname she'd adopted just this morning in hopes of calming the child. "You can tell me anything." She promised softly.

Alexis met her eye for mere seconds before looking back down at the floor. Kate looked to Rick for help but he was studiously watching his daughter.

"I, I had a bad dream." Alexis muttered only just loud enough for the two adults to hear her.

"Oh Baby, that's not good." Kate comforted her. "Was it _really_ scary?" Alexis bobbed her head. "You wanna talk about what happened? It can help." Kate directed the last part at Rick, who met her soft smile with one of his own.

"Daddy?" Alexis asked tearfully. Rick nodded and she wasted no time burying her head in his neck.

"In her dream, her mom came back and wanted to take her away." Rick explained softly, trying to not upset Alexis further. Kate nodded, watching the little girl with concern. "Alexis didn't _want_ to be taken away, and she told her mom that, but she didn't listen. I wasn't there and you fought with Meredith to try and stop her taking her. Meredith killed you and took her anyway."

Alexis sobbed and Kate's eyes immediately snapped to Rick's, frantically seeking permission.

Rick nodded and Kate quickly scooped the four year old out of her dad's arms and held her close. Alexis gripped her shirt tightly in her little fists and buried her face in her neck, while Kate held her tightly.

"It's okay, Little Red." Kate murmured softly. "It's okay. I'm here Angel. I'm right here. I won't let _anyone_ take you anywhere you don't want to. I'm okay. I'm right here, Baby."

Alexis didn't leave Kate's side for the rest of the afternoon. She insisted on sitting next to her at dinner and asked her to give her her bath. Only after clearing it, and getting each and every detail step by step from Rick, did Kate agree.

Once she'd bathed the four year old, Kate helped Alexis into her pyjamas and settled her in her bed.

"Kate?" Alexis asked quietly once the young woman had finished tucking the covers around her.

"Hmm?" Kate asked, smoothing out the creases, suddenly a lot more nervous than she thought she should be. She was only putting her friend's, _boy_friend's, daughter to bed. For the first time. By herself. No pressure.

"Are you gonna be my new mommy?" Kate felt her knees falter at the innocent question and she quickly knelt beside the head of the bed before she fell.

"What makes you ask that Lexi?" Kate asked cautiously. She really hoped the little girl hadn't seen her making out with her father earlier. That could be confusing and scary for her, let alone embarrassing for both adults. Alexis shrugged.

"You do mommy things." Kate's brow furrowed as she tried to follow her line of thinking.

"'Mommy things'? What sort of things are 'mommy things'?" Alexis rolled her eyes as Kate gently teased a strand of hair from her forehead, giving evidence to a point she wasn't aware of.

"You keep stroking me. And hugging me. And you made the bad dreams go away." Kate smiled softly before leaning in and kissing the young girl's forehead.

"I'm not trying to replace your mommy; I'm certainly not trying to be your _new _mommy. But I do care about you Little Red and I want you to know that you can come to me, about anything." Alexis smiled sleepily. "And, no matter how close your daddy and I get Alexis, I will never ever overstep and try and make myself your mommy." Kate promised softly, hoping she wasn't giving too much away but knowing it would come up again when she and Rick spoke to her about their developing relationship.

"Kate?" Alexis mumbled slowly, her voice dripping with exhaustion as her eyes slipped closed.

"Yes Alexis?" Kate whispered, gently stroking the backs of her fingers across Alexis' face.

"I wouldn't mind if you were my new mommy." Kate could see that the child was asleep almost the moment the statement was out of her mouth. She would never know about the tight feeling in Kate's chest or the welling in her eyes as she leaned over and kissed her goodnight.

"I'll let you in on a secret, Little Red." Kate whispered to the already sleeping child. "I wouldn't mind either."


	22. Chapter 22

Author's Note-I continue to be astounded by the reception this is receiving Thank you all so much. I couldn't do this without all of your kind, encouraging words. If I don't reply to you I'm sorry, I forget or get busy, but know that I appreciate every single review and every single reader. Thank you all. NYLF xx

* * *

Kate flopped down onto the couch, a little way away from Rick, and leaned her head back into the cushions, her eyes slipping closed as she sighed.

"Everything go okay?" Rick asked softly. Kate nodded slowly, rolling her head to meet his eyes.

"Good as gold. Your kid's an angel Rick." She smiled tenderly. Rick flashed her a proud grin before reaching for her feet and dragging them onto his lap, making Kate twist around to lean her back against the armrest "What are you doing?" Kate asked only a tad nervously. Rick's smile softened as he firmly worked the muscles in the ball of her foot with his thumbs, revelling in the whispered moan that fell from her lips at the manipulation.

"Y'know, you're pretty tall without the power heels Kate. You don't need to wear them all the time." Kate chuckled deep in her throat, making Rick's heart stutter.

"I like the way they make me feel." She murmured. Rick chuckled.

"What? You like sore feet and pulled leg muscles?" Kate shot him a withering look which slid headlong into affection when his thumb found a particularly tender spot. "Because, I like you at five nine, you don't need to try and be six." Kate laughed and shook her head, pressing her heel into his thigh just a little when he worked a tense muscle.

"They make me feel powerful. In control." Kate murmured slowly. Rick squeezed her ankle and switched feet.

"You _are _in control Kate." He murmured, this conversation suddenly a lot more serious than it was before. "Heels or flats, you _are_ in control." Kate's eyes fluttered open and found him staring at her.

"Alexis asked if I was her new mommy." She wasn't sure where that came from. She had meant to keep that little titbit to herself, at least until she knew where Rick and she stood in their brand new, only hours old, relationship. But apparently her traitorous brain decided this was the moment to bring this minefield up. She swallowed and dropped her gaze to her hands, determined not to see the anger she was sure would be in his eyes.

"What did you tell her?" Rick asked, his tone carefully blank. She wouldn't look at him and that made him nervous as to her own stance on the issue. He watched as Kate swallowed hard again and if he didn't know better, he could have sworn her hands were shaking just a little. He fought the urge to reach out to her, thinking she'd probably need the distance, emotional and physical, to have this conversation with a steady voice and dry eyes.

"That I'm not trying to be her mom. But I do care about her and she can come to me, about anything." Kate paused, her eyes glancing up at him a little guiltily before looking back to her hands. "Then I said that no matter how close you and I get, I won't ever overstep and try and make myself her mom." She shook her head, running a nervous hand through her hair. "I overstepped didn't I?" Rick chuckled and reached for her then, dragging her by her waist so she was sat sideways on his lap. He gently kissed her temple.

"I think that was a really good answer for someone who had no idea the question was coming." Kate huffed out a relieved chuckle. "We'll talk to her. Tomorrow maybe? Tell her about us." Kate smiled shyly.

"I think I'd like that." Rick smiled brightly and kissed her cheek, leaning his forehead against her temple as he enjoyed her soft weight on his lap. "Hey, Rick?" Kate asked quietly, that shy tone back again. Rick braced himself.

"Hmm?" He murmured against her ear, trying hard not to smile smugly at the pleasant shiver that shook her every muscle.

"Do you mind if we don't sleep together yet?" Rick pulled back as she twisted her torso to face him, her pink lower lip trapped between her brilliant white teeth. "I mean, we can _sleep_ together just not, y'know, _sleep _together." Rick chuckled at her sudden lack of eloquence.

"So we can share a bed but you don't wanna have sex?" Rick broke it down, forcing himself not to laugh as she blushed.

"Do you mind? It's just..." Rick leaned forward and kissed her softly, stopping the rambling before it started.

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Kate. I told you, I'm not going to rush you. I want you to feel secure and safe and _confident_ with me, within _yourself_, before I make love to you." Kate's cheeks reddened further and Rick gave her a soft smile. "You tell me when you're ready Kate; we'll do this at your pace." Kate kissed him slowly, taking her time to trace the contours on his mouth with her curious, deviant tongue.

"Thank you." She whispered, resting their foreheads together once she'd pulled back. Rick smiled and kissed the tip of her nose gently, making her giggle.

"You don't need to thank me for this Kate. So long as you're happy, so am I."


	23. Chapter 23

Kate snuck out of bed early the next morning to answer her ringing cell.

"Hello?" She murmured, closing the ensuite door behind her in an attempt to not wake Rick.

"Katie!" Her father's overly cheery cry filled the line and Kate felt her stomach drop as her eyes slipped closed.

"Daddy, do you know what time it is?" She sighed wearily, sliding down to sit against the wall.

"It's early, I know baby girl, but I wanted to talk to you." Kate let her head fall forward onto her chest.

"Okay." She plastered a smile on her face, forcing it into her voice. "What's up?" Jim made a happy noise over the line.

"I wanted to let you know, that I'm gonna stop the drink. For good, I've decided." Kate chose not to point out the irony of him making the decision drunk. "I want you to be proud of me Katie." Kate's eyes welled.

"I..." she desperately wanted to lie, to tell him she was proud, anything to take the hesitancy out of his voice, but she couldn't. "Okay." She whispered.

She knew better than to get her hopes up. She'd had a great uncle who was an alcoholic.

He'd said he was giving it up eight times in the four years she'd been old enough to be aware of it. He'd died of liver failure with a drink in his hand, shortly after she'd turned twelve.

"Rick has offered to pay. If you needed the financial help." She hedged softly.

"That was sweet of him." Jim all but hummed. "Sweetie, I love you." Kate cleared her throat, trying to shift the lump gathered there.

"I, I love you too d..." The dialling tone filled her ears just as she lost her tenuous grip on her emotions. Kate buried her face in her palms as she fought to sob silently.

"Kate?" Rick's sleep coated, husky voice broke the silence of the bathroom.

Kate startled and looked up at him, hastily wiping her eyes and nose while he folded his arms around his body, feeling the chill as he stood in just a t-shirt and his boxers.

"Hey, what's up?" He asked gently, coming further into the room. He slowly sat beside her even as she shook her head.

He grunted as his joints protested to the movement, before settling himself beside her and threading his arm around the back of her neck, drawing her into his sleep warmed chest. Kate burrowed into his body and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Kate?" He murmured against the top of her head before pressing a kiss to her hair. "Come on, talk to me."

Kate chuckled wetly.

"He says he's giving it up." She murmured. Rick kissed her head again and laid his cheek against her crown.

"That's good isn't it?" Rick asked, entirely grateful he was able to follow her, not sure she'd be able to explain further if he didn't.

"If he means it, sure. If not..." She broke off, unable or unwilling to voice the rest. Rick sighed.

"My offer still stands Kate." She nodded beneath his cheek.

"I told him. He said that it was 'sweet'." Kate scoffed. "I wish he just wouldn't call when he's like this." She covered her mouth with both hands and shook her head quickly. "Oh god, I'm a _horrible_ daughter." Rick threaded his arm under her brought up knees and pulled her onto his lap, wrapping his arms around her tightly, kissing her temple.

"No. Kate you're _human_. You have enough to deal with, with your _own_ grief, without having to monitor and parent your dad. Without having to be ripped from your sleep at stupid o'clock in the morning to speak to your incredibly intoxicated father." Kate shivered against him. "Kate, you're freezing. Why don't you come back to bed?" Kate leaned back to look him in the eye.

"You sure you wanna take all this on?" She asked hesitant and vulnerable. Rick cupped her cheek and kissed her slowly, shallow and sweet. Kate sighed when he drew back and rested his forehead against hers.

"Wait till you meet my ex and actually have a conversation with my mother." Rick smiled softly, teasing. "Trust me. I can handle it Kate. I want to be with you. If that means dealing with him, I will gladly suffer through it. He being like this though Kate, him drinking, it's temporary. Trust me. He'll get better, and you'll be that much stronger for going through it. And I'd like to think I'll still be here, to watch when you come through the other side of this."

Kate smiled even as tears welled in her eyes at his sweet sincerity.

"I'm already really proud of how well you're coping Kate. And I will be so, _so _proud, when you come out the other side of this and finally get to shine as the beautiful, fantastic, _extraordinary_ person you're meant to be."

Kate threw her arms around his neck as her lower lip trembled. He held her firmly, safely, and gently stroked her spine.

They sat in an embrace for a few minutes before Kate pulled back and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand with a wry smile. Rick smiled back and kissed her cheek.

She got to her feet and held her hand out to help Rick off the floor before leading him back to bed.

Once he was comfortable, she tucked herself neatly into the side of his body, her head resting on his chest, her hand lying over his heart.

He waited until he knew she was asleep to sigh deeply. If he had any right to, he'd have serious words with Kate's father for putting her through this.

He understood that the man had lost his wife, but Kate's world was being ripped apart and he wasn't helping.

The woman herself snuffled and buried her nose in his chest, bringing a smiled to Rick's face. At least she had him now. Between him and the bright happy little girl above them, they'd get her through this. She'd be just fine. She would get through this, and be brilliant, and Rick, for one, couldn't wait to see it.


	24. Chapter 24

Author's Note-It's short, horrendously so, but I wanted to give you something. Updates may be a little few and far between for the next couple of months as I'm planning my birthday but I'll update as regularly as I can. NYLF xx

* * *

Kate was stood in the living room, her arms crossed tightly across her chest, holding her sides as if it was the only thing keeping her together. Rick lingered in the doorway of the office for a moment, watching with reverence and concern as she stared out of the window at the dreary day that had blanketed New York. She shifted from one foot to the other; her shoulders slumped as if the weight of the world was forcing her body down. Her breath caught every other inhale and Rick felt his heart sinking.

"Kate?" He murmured, not moving closer to her, knowing she'd need the space. "Kate Honey what's happened? What is it?" His heart landed at his toes with a thud when Kate's arm moved so she could wipe a tear from her cheek. "Kate?" He took half a step towards her out of instinct but stopped when she shook her head dejectedly, her hair falling to cover her face.

"I don't know that I can do this Rick." She murmured brokenly. Rick's stomach dropped, trying to meet his heart in his feet.

"What do you mean you 'can't do this'? 'This' what Kate?" Kate shrugged and Rick took a step towards her.

"Be Katherine Beckett, daughter of the alcoholic and murdered woman, trying to be normal for her boyfriend and his little girl but really just messing up and complicating their lives with all my _issues_." He closed the distance so he was stood behind her. He didn't touch her, not yet.

"Kate..."

"I should never have come here Rick." She murmured, turning to face him but keeping her eyes firmly on the floor. "I shouldn't have dropped you home that day. I should have let you take a cab and never have seen you again. It would have been better for everyone. You wouldn't have this crying mess of a girl making you pity her and Alexis wouldn't be becoming attached to the worst excuse for a maternal figure in the world." Rick dragged her into his chest and held tight despite her protests.

"Kate Beckett you listen to me." He practically growled in her ear. "I don't _pity _you. I _like _you Kate. I want to spend time with you. I want you in my life. And Alexis adores you.

"You haven't met her mother so I'll let you in on a secret, Kate. She abandoned her daughter for a part in a film. _Abandoned _her Kate. So, don't _ever_ say you are 'the worst excuse for a maternal figure'. Okay? _Never_ say that because you _love_ her. You hold her when she cries; you make her smile more than I have _ever_ seen her and Kate, I am _proud_ to say that she has you in her life.

"Don't belittle that." Kate shuddered in his arms. "You're mom died in the worst way Kate and I can only _imagine_ what that feels like. And I never met your mom so I have no authority to say this, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want you dismissing your own life because hers was taken. And your dad? He's an idiot for letting you go through this alone. A complete and utter _idiot_. But it will get better. _He_ will get better. He'll get sober and then he'll be the dad you need.

"Meanwhile, I'll support you. I'll support you and care for you and comfort you and we'll get through this. _Together_. Don't say that you can't do it because you _can._ You are so strong, one of the strongest people I've ever met. And I _love _that about you. So don't _ever_ doubt it, okay? Because I'm _here_ Kate. And I'll carry you through if I have to. I won't let you fall." Kate sobbed and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling herself as close as she could. "I've got you." Rick murmured, holding her tighter. "I've got you Kate."


	25. Chapter 25

Author's Note-Cheesy ending I know, but give me a break. It's ten to six in the morning and I haven't slept yet. And I literally just wrote the second half of this chapter so please forgive any typos. Thank you. NYLF xx

* * *

It was a while before Kate could do anything but sob. After a few minutes though, with Rick whispering 'I've got you's into her ear, she finally managed to start to regulate her breathing.

"Come on." Rick murmured softly, leading her over to sit on the couch without letting her go. "Why don't you try and tell me what set all this off this morning hmm?" Kate sank into the seat beside him and leaned into his side for a long moment before sitting up under her own steam and leaning her forearms along her thighs. Rick watched her from his place leaning back into the backrest.

"Detective Raglan called this morning shortly after I got up." Kate almost whispered, the broken quality in her voice jagging at his heart. "He, uhh..." Kate paused to clear her throat. "He says they are attributing her death to 'random gang violence'. 'A random wayward event'." She shook her head as she looked down at her clasped hands. "The case has gone cold Rick and there's apparently no more they can do." She laughed; the sound a little desperate, desolate and hysterical.

"Oh, Kate." Rick sighed, leaning forward to gently rub her back. "I, this would be where I say that I'm sorry again." Kate laughed again, a little more light in her voice this time.

"How do you do that?" She asked bewilderedly, turning her head to face him.

"What do you mean? How do I do what?" Rick asked, smiling at the twinkle back in her eye but still confused.

"Just, you make me feel better Rick. You make it feel as though even on the worst days, there's a possibility for joy." Rick smiled softly before leaning in and capturing her mouth with his in the gentlest of kisses.

"I'm glad." He whispered as he leaned his forehead against hers.

Rick woke Alexis and they all decided to go out for breakfast. The little girl glued herself to Kate's side as if she could sense that something was wrong. It would have been cute if Rick wasn't so tuned in to the tightness of Kate's smile, the hesitance in her eyes. He didn't call attention to her distraction, now knowing her well enough to know that she would come to him when she was ready, just as she had done this morning.

Rick sat down at a table while Kate ordered for them. He'd asked if she was sure but could see she just needed a minute.

"Daddy?" Alexis asked softly from her seat opposite him. Rick turned his attention from Kate, slumped at the counter, to his daughter.

"Yes Pumpkin, what's up?" He asked as lightly as possible. Alexis looked from him to Kate quickly before looking back.

"What's wrong with Kate, daddy? Is she not very well?" The specificity of the question intrigued Rick.

"What makes you think she isn't well Honey?" He asked quietly. Alexis looked back to the older woman and shrugged her tiny shoulders.

"She looks pale, and her eyes and nose are red. I look like that when I'm ill daddy." Alexis reasoned. Rick smiled softly; marvelling at the logic of his four year old's brain.

"You're right Angel; you _do _look like that when you aren't very well." He sighed, still not sure how to address this with her. He needed to have the conversation with Kate and soon. "You remember I told you that Kate wasn't very happy at the moment and that she has a lot of stuff that isn't so good going on at home?" Alexis nodded.

"I remember."

"Well, this morning she got a phone call with some bad news. She is feeling sad because of that news so we've gotta be kind and respectful to that." Alexis nodded slowly.

"So should I hug her lots?" Alexis asked a little hesitant. "That's what we do when _we're _sad." Rick smiled and leaned over to kiss the top of her head.

"You're right Alexis. We _do_ hug when we're sad. You can hug Kate; see if that makes her feel better. But we must also always be respectful to people's wishes. So, if Kate asks you to do something or to _not _do something you can't get too upset and you must do it okay?" Alexis nodded: her little face so solemn as she watched his girlfriend. "And Sweetie?" He asked, taking her attention once more.

"Yes daddy?"

"If Kate needs to be alone today, if she just needs to hide in the bedroom and not see anyone, even you, that isn't her rejecting you. You know that right?" The girl nodded.

"I know daddy. She needs some time to process?" She looked to him for approval of the word. He nodded. "To _process_ her news. Sometimes people need to do that on their own." Rick kissed her head again.

"That's my sweet clever girl." Rick sat back in his seat just as Kate came over to join them. She looked so drained already and it was barely nine o'clock. He wished, not for the first time, that he had a magic wand to make it all go away. But as he watched his beautiful daughter make the teenager laugh despite all that had happened that day, he wondered if maybe he didn't need the wand. His magic little girl may just do the trick.


	26. Chapter 26

When they got home, Rick expected Kate to disappear into their bedroom and hide out for the day. She surprised him though.

"Hey, Little Red?" Kate asked quietly, taking the child's hand as they came through the door.

"Yes Kate?" Alexis asked softly. Rick copied Kate's smile at her.

"Can I come hang out with you? You wanna play something in your room?" Alexis positively beamed at the request.

"We could colour?" She offered, ever so eager to please. Kate smiled and squeezed her hand.

"Sounds good to me Sweetie. Go on up and get everything ready, I just need a word with daddy." Alexis nodded enthusiastically and ran up the stairs while Kate turned to a softly smiling Rick. "That's okay, right?"

"Course it is. You don't need my permission to spend time with my daughter Kate." Kate nodded, dropping her eyes to his chest as she worried her lower lip. "You okay?" He asked gently, cupping her cheek with a soft touch and running his thumb under her eye. Kate's eyes slipped shut for a moment and when she opened them, they were swimming with tears.

"I just, need to remind myself that there is still such innocence in the world. I just need to not be a grown up today." Rick leaned in and rested his lips against her forehead, not quite a kiss just a physical connection, hoping to soothe the quiver in her lip.

"You can do whatever you like today Kate. And hey, if you need to not be a grown up, I'm _more_ than happy to eat ice cream for dinner." Kate laughed. It was a little thin and watery but it was there. Rick smiled. "Anything you need Kate." She nodded and wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Just you two. I just need you." Rick kissed her crown and held her close until she pulled away, dry eyed, to go and colour with his daughter.

Kate and Alexis were laid on her floor on their stomachs as they coloured. It was pretty silent, Kate not ready to talk and Alexis unwilling to push the teenager, but it wasn't uncomfortable. Eventually Alexis looked up at her companion and sighed softly before sitting up and crossing her legs, studiously watching the crayon she was turning end on end on her hands.

"I'm sorry you're sad." She murmured so softly it almost wasn't worth it. Kate's crayon stopped moving though and she slowly looked up at the girl.

"You needn't apologise Alexis. It's not like it's your fault." Kate reminded her softly. Alexis shrugged.

"I know that. I just, don't like to see you so unhappy." Kate sighed and sat up, mimicking the girl's position.

"It's okay to be sad Alexis. Sometimes people just need to be sad for a while." Alexis nodded.

"I know. Daddy was sad when he got letters from people saying they wouldn't publish his book. He gets sad whenever I'm sad. And I get sad sometimes. But it's not nice to see someone sad." Kate nodded slowly, watching the floor.

"You're right, it isn't. I'm sorry my being upset has made you unhappy." Alexis shrugged.

"You've got bad stuff going on at home. You're allowed to be sad." Kate looked up at that.

"Is that what daddy told you? That I have bad stuff going on at home?" Alexis nodded.

"He said that you are very sad and there's lots of stuff at home that isn't very good." She told her slowly. "And that you got a call this morning with bad news." Kate nodded, processing. They hadn't ever talked about how much to tell Alexis. It hadn't come up but Rick had been trying to keep it kiddie friendly, and within a level of detail that Kate would feel comfortable, while still explaining it to her. She appreciated the effort but Alexis was a smart girl. She needed more than 'Kate's sad'.

"Alexis." Kate started softly, not really sure how to do this. "Would you know what I meant, if I said someone had died?" Alexis' little spine straightened as she nodded solemnly.

"Daddy says when it's a person's time; they leave us to go to heaven. Like my goldfish or Mr Goldberg." Kate smiled softly, making a mental note to ask Rick who 'Mr Goldberg' was.

"Exactly, clever girl." That earned her a small smile. "Well two weeks before I met your daddy, before I met you, my, uh my mommy went, to h-heaven." Kate stumbled. Alexis looked so stricken that Kate almost regretted telling her.

"But you're not a full grown up yet, it couldn't have been time." Kate felt like laughing at the 'not a full grown up' but her heart was to busy breaking to feel the joy the phrasing brought.

"You're right Little Red, it wasn't time. Someone very bad made it her time long before she was ready." Alexis nodded slowly. "And because of that, my daddy, isn't very well. And he won't get the help he needs to get better." She refused point-blank to explain alcoholism to a four year old if she didn't have to.

"But _my_ daddy's making your feel better, right?" There was a desperation in her voice that made Kate's heart hurt.

"Yeah baby girl. He is. You are too." Alexis' lower lip trembled. "Oh Sweetheart, come here." She opened her arms and encased the girl as soon as she had crawled into her lap. Kate gently kissed the top of her head and rocked them both from side to side. "I'm sorry Alexis. I shouldn't have told you. I didn't mean to make you upset." Alexis shook her head against her chest before lifting it to see her.

"You didn't. Just sad that you have to not have a mommy and have a sick daddy." Alexis murmured. "Sad you had to do it alone before daddy made it better." Kate kissed Alexis' forehead and drew her back into her chest.

"Don't be too sad Angel. I now have your daddy, and _you_, to make me feel better. You two make the sadness lighter. You make it better Little Lex. And I'm so, so grateful."

"I love you Kate." Alexis mumbled, wrapping her tiny arms as far around her back as they'd go. Kate felt her heart constrict.

"Oh Alexis, I love you too."


	27. Chapter 27

A few moments later Kate drew Alexis in close and stood up, shifting the girl onto her hip as she left the room to go downstairs.

Rick was stood in the kitchen, leaning his back against the counter, sipping coffee and staring into space when Kate stepped in front of him, her feet between his own and took his mug from his hand. He watched with curious eyes as she set it down behind him and snuggled into his chest, wrapping her spare arm around him while she buried her face into his chest, holding Alexis between them. Rick hesitated for only a moment before encasing them both and holding them tight. He kissed Kate's hair before resting his cheek against her crown.

They all stood there for a few moments before anyone said anything.

"You okay?" Rick murmured, gently squeezing Kate's hip. She pulled back and only gave him a second to see the tears in her eyes before kissing him deeply. Rick kissed her back, having no idea where this was all coming from, but knowing that Kate needed this from him more than she needed him to point out that Alexis was between them. When she pulled back, she leaned herself back into his chest, her breath hitching softly.

"Daddy, does this mean you and Kate are boyfriend and girlfriend?" Alexis enquired quietly, pulling far enough back in Kate's arm to see him. Rick smiled and nodded, cupping the back of her head gently in his huge palm.

"Yeah baby girl we are. You okay with that?" Alexis nodded quickly.

"I'm good." She looked at Kate for a moment before looking back up at him. "I'm gonna go get our drawings so you can put them on the fridge, you can talk to Kate." Rick smiled at his intelligent considerate daughter before kissing her forehead and carefully extracting her from Kate's grip. She tightened her hold reflexively as Rick tried to remove her.

"Hey, Kate, it's okay." He whispered soothingly. "She just wants to get down, it's okay." Kate relaxed her grip and fisted her hand in his shirt the moment the four year old was clear. Rick carefully let Alexis slide down his body, unable to bend to put her on the floor, before winking at her as she ran to the stairs and wrapping his arms around his girlfriend, holding her close enough to hopefully hold her together.

"Kate? Kate Honey, what happened?" Rick asked several minutes later, never once letting up his hold on her.

"I told Alexis." She whispered, trying ever so hard not to let her voice shake. Rick pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"About your parents?" He asked gently. Kate shrugged.

"Didn't tell her he's an alcoholic if that's what you're asking." She told him defensively, her posture stiffening. Rick squeezed her gently.

"Hey, I trust your judgement on this. I'm pretty certain you would have made it kiddie proof." Kate relaxed back into his chest. "How'd it go?" Kate sobbed, startling Rick. "Not well I presume?" He asked confused, Alexis had seemed fine when Kate had brought her down.

"She told me she was sad that I was sad." Kate sobbed. "She told me, she _loved_ me." She shook her head against his chest and buried herself as deep into his embrace as she could. Rick sighed deeply and wrapped his arms even tighter around her.

"I'm sorry Kate. I'll, I'll talk to her." He shook his head to himself. Kate startled and pulled back far enough to look at him. Her eyes were red rimmed and tears were still pouring down her face, it broke Rick's heart to see her like that.

"W-why?" She asked tentatively. Rick gave her a small half hearted smile.

"I can't tell her to not love you, but if her telling you makes you this upset Kate..." She shook her head.

"Rick." She paused, dropping eye contact for favour of staring at her hand as it played with one of the buttons on his shirt. She slipped the disk back and forth in the hole, contemplating how to put this. "Her, her _loving_ me. It, that isn't what made me cry. Jeeze Rick I'm _flattered_." She shook her head.

"I don't understand Kate." She quickly looked up at him before going back to watching her fingers.

"I...neither do I." She whispered. "I've made Alexis so _sad_. Just being here and not dealing with this properly and crying all the time. I break that little girl's heart over and _over_ and yet..." she trailed off on a sigh. "How can she love me when I do that to her?" Rick gently lifted her chin and captured her mouth in a soft, slow kiss.

"Because you're _you_ Kate." He murmured, kissing her forehead before letting her tuck it back into the crook of his neck. He rested his chin on her crown with a sigh. "She loves you for the same reasons you love her. Because you care for each other, because you understand each other. Because you're both such brilliant extraordinary people and you both have such big hearts that you can't help but love each other. Kate, she loves you because since she's known you, you have never put a condition on your affection for her. Her mother _always_ had conditions, and you simply don't. She's five Kate; that means a lot to her, to me too actually." Rick leaned his cheek into her hair. "Kate, she loves you because you are _amazing_." Kate sighed brokenly.

"I love her too Rick. I, I know I've known her for two weeks and I know I shouldn't but..." Rick leaned back, effectively stopping her mid-thought.

"Kate, I fell in love with that little girl two _seconds_ after meeting her. You think I care that you love her after only two weeks? Kate, I _adore_ that you love my daughter. I'm so proud that, even after all you've been though in the last month, you can still open your heart to the joy of loving someone. And I'm made up that you've fallen in love with probably the one person in your life at the moment who you will never _ever_ question their feelings. Because a child's love, especially _my_ child's love, is unconditional." Rick smiled at her softly. Kate shrugged slightly.

"I don't question yours either." Rick chuckled.

"For that, I'm glad. But I think we have a little way to go before we start exchanging the L word." Kate nodded. "But Kate. I'm happy my daughter loves you and I'm _ecstatic_ that you love her." Kate rested her head on his chest and sighed softly. Rick had a feeling that maybe, just maybe, she'd just taken a step in the right direction.


	28. Chapter 28

The next couple of days went by slowly but surely.

Rick and Alexis still found themselves treading on eggshells more times the not, but Kate seemed to be brighter, lighter within her self than they'd ever seen her. It was good and heart warming and it allowed both Rick and Alexis to bond better with Kate while she was less bogged down with everything going on at home. Rick was pleased to see the firm kinship developing between both his daughter and his girlfriend.

Rick had made a conscious decision to not make a big deal out of Valentines, knowing that, with everything that had happened in the last month, it was sure to be the last thing on her mind.

The fact he wasn't entirely sure where they stood on the whole exchanging of gifts thing, given they had been together barely a week, influenced that decision no end. He didn't want to scare her off by showering her with gifts but he also didn't want to not buy her anything and then find out she had brought him something. He figured he was pretty safe with knowing he could book a table later if she had brought him something. Although, she _had_ agreed to move out of the guest bedroom and into his, as long as he promised to not let his hands wander any further than he would be happy for his daughter to see. That was present enough for him.

The knock of the door at half seven Valentine's morning however, was a surprise he would certainly do without.

He couldn't help but smile as Kate nuzzled further into his chest, rubbing her nose into his pectoral. He gently smoothed his hand up and down her back in one constant movement, smiling at the contented sigh it elicited.

"I've gotta get the door, Kate." Rick whispered against her forehead before pressing a kiss to her skin. She mumbled something incoherent, but adorable, about not leaving and staying with her. Something along the lines of 'cold without you' but he couldn't be sure. "I'll get rid of them, be right back." Kate grumbled quietly. "I'll be two minutes." He gently slanted his mouth over hers, barely kissing her, knowing full well that she wasn't nearly awake enough to appreciate it, and got out of bed to go get rid of whoever was at the door.

"Daddy?" Alexis asked sleepily from the middle of the stairs. Rick detoured from his path to the door over to the stairs and scooped her up gently.

"Hey Pumpkin, what're you doing up?" He asked softly as he watched his daughter rub her tiny fist into her eyes while the other held a firm grip on Monkey-Bunkey's arm.

"Heard door." She murmured, not yet awake enough for full sentences. Rick smiled warmly and kissed the top of her head.

"Why don't you go and snuggle in with Kate for a bit while I get rid of whoever is at the door and then I'll come join you, yeah?" Alexis bobbed her head slowly. Rick smiled again and gently put her down, watching with a light heart as she ambled through to his bedroom, Monkey-Bunkey trailing behind her. He chuckled to himself at the adorableness of his daughter and the image his imagination was conjuring of both his girls cuddled up in bed together, before turning his attention to the door he'd so far been neglecting to answer.

Stifling a yawn, Rick unlocked and opened the door, his heart stopping at the sight before him.

"Hey, Kitten." Oh, this was gonna be _fun_.


	29. Chapter 29

Author's Note- A couple of things to address from the reviews. Firstly, Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban was released in the July of 1999, so Kate would have the first three at this point.

Secondly, to the guest who said they 'can't stand the sleeping together without sleeping together- Human beings in this situation sleep separately or have sex'. I honestly believe that sometimes, in order to feel safe enough to sleep soundly, people need someone with them. It's like children and their toy or security blanket. It isn't a sexual need but an emotional one. Sometimes, people just need to be held. I won't be changing their sleeping arrangements, nor will they have sex anytime soon, so if it bothers you that much, please feel free to stop reading.

Just needed to clear those bits up. Read, review, enjoy NYLF xx

* * *

"Meredith?" Rick croaked, his voice rising embarrassingly into the next octave. His ex wife giggled behind her hand before giving him a coquettish smile.

"Hey Ricky, you gonna let me in or what?" Rick fumbled over his words for a moment, looking between her and the bedroom where his girlfriend and daughter slept unaware of the intrusion.

Meredith, however, interpreted the move as lust rather than worry, making everything about her as always. "We could go straight to the bedroom if you'd like, just let me in first." She giggled. Rick shook his head, clearing it from all the thought floating around in his mind, before turning back to the redhead in his doorway.

"Now, isn't a good, time." He hedged diplomatically. If he pissed her off she would refuse to see Alexis. And although her mother wasn't the greatest of role models for the girl, although Kate was infinitely better, she was still her mother.

"But I wanna spend Valentines with you. Don't you remember, Kitten? All those Valentines' together? Trying to outdo ourselves? All over the house?" Her voice dropped suggestively as she trailed her hand down his chest.

Someone cleared their throat behind them and Rick's momentary relief at the interruption turned to dread when he realised there was only one person who would be interrupting.

He turned to find Kate standing in the living room. A sleepy Alexis was curled into her chest from her place on her hip, her thumb firmly in her mouth, watching the interaction between her parents, while Kate gently cupped her free hand around the girl's shoulder.

She was looking at him as if he'd struck her.

"Who's that, Kitten?" Meredith all but purred, her hand lying possessively on his sternum. "I didn't know you hired a babysitter." Kate's eyes widened before she turned to him, incredulity and vulnerability dancing in the forest of her eyes.

He opened and closed his mouth, battling for words to reassure her, to correct Meredith, but failing. She shook her head slowly before walking through the loft to the kitchen, preparing a drink for Alexis as if she belonged there. Rick knew better than to presume it was anything but an allusion of ownership.

Meredith wasn't even in the loft and she was already making Kate feel jealous and insecure. Rick sighed internally. They'd worked so hard to get to a point where she trusted him and now his ex wife turns up at their door on Valentine's morning? He had to sort this out, before Kate reverted back into herself too far for him to retrieve her.

"Listen, Meredith, you should have called. I, we," he motioned between himself and the kitchen, "have plans." The redhead scoffed.

"You have plans with our daughter that can't include me?" Rick sighed deeply, watching Kate closely. He could see the tension in her shoulders even as she tried to hide it for Alexis' sake.

"Meredith, you are more than welcome to spend time with Alexis today. My mother was going to babysit, but if you'd like to, you're more than welcome. _Kate_ and I have plans." Rick told her softly but finally. Meredith looked past him to the kitchen.

"You have plans with the babysitter?" She asked, perfectly manicured eyebrows in her hair line. Rick sighed before he felt tiny hands grasp the back of the sweatpants he'd put on to answer the door. He reached down without looking and cupped the back of Alexis' head.

"Who's the babysitter? I thought Grams was coming to play with me?" She asked confused, as she looked up at her mother.

"So who is _she_ then?" Meredith asked impatiently, looking down at her daughter for the answer Rick was clearly reluctant to give.

"Kate?" Alexis asked, only continuing once her mother nodded. "She's daddy's girlfriend." Alexis beamed. Rick watched the colour drain from his ex's already pale face. She gathered herself quickly though and leaned into his chest, resting both her hands on his shoulders as she whispered in his ear.

"It's never stopped us before." She husked, kissing the soft skin beneath his ear. "Just ask her to take the kid out for an hour or two, she never has to know if that's what you're worried about." Rick heard Kate's breath hitch before Alexis left his side and he heard a door slam. He stepped back, not even caring as Meredith stumbled without his body to hold her up.

"Listen, you may be happy to cheat, something you've proved again and again, but I'd never do that. Not to anyone, but especially not to Kate. It's our first Valentines together and I want to make it special for her. If you want to spend time with your _daughter_, you can come over and stay with her and my mother while we're out, but you won't be in my bed. Not this time." Meredith pouted, a move that he used to find adorable but it now just steeled his resolve. "I'm sure Alexis would be happy to see you." He continued pointedly. Meredith huffed, obviously realising she wasn't going to win.

"Well, I'm in the city for a couple of days, maybe I'll find time to see her later." She flipped her hair before smiling flirtatiously. "If you change your mind though..."

"I won't." He assured her, closing the door behind his ex before going to see if he could find Kate.


	30. Chapter 30

Rick hovered in the doorway to his bedroom as he watched Kate get dressed while Alexis sat, fully clothed and cross-legged in the middle of their bed watching the young woman.

No one said a word.

Kate threw on clothes so fast he was surprised she didn't hurt herself or tear the material.

Once she had gotten herself dressed, she let out a ridiculously shaky breath and turned around to say something to Alexis but her eyes caught on Rick first. He felt his heart trip in its rhythm when he saw the tears brimming in her eyes.

"Kate..." he started but she dropped her eyes to Alexis on the bed and held her arms out to her. The four year old crawled to the edge of the bed before Kate picked her up and skirted past Rick towards the foyer. He followed silently, seeing where she would go from here.

Kate knelt in front of Alexis, threading her arms through her jacket as she stood beside the front door.

"Kate, what are you doing?" Rick asked quietly, fighting to keep his tone level. Kate zipped Alexis' jacket and smiled weakly at the girl before standing and taking her hand.

"'Taking the kid out for an hour or two'." She told the door bitterly. "You have a nice morning with Meredith and I'll go entertain your daughter. Text me when it's safe to bring her home." She moved to unlock the door but Rick's gentle but firm hand on her shoulder stopped her in her tracks.

"Kate, I sent her away. I would never do that to you. You _know _what happened between Meredith and I. You really think I'd do that? To, or with, _anyone_ let _alone_ to you with her." His steady quiet voice did nothing to calm her jittery heartbeat nor to stem the stream of tears now making it's way down her face. "Come on, we'll sit and talk about this Kate, just don't leave, not like this. Not over something as silly as my ex showing up." Kate shook her head as she dropped her chin to her chest.

"Kate, you're hurting my hand." Alexis' hesitant voice broke through Kate's defences and had her immediately dropping her hold before she sank to her knees beside the girl.

"I'm sorry Little Red." She whispered, gently taking her tiny hand between both of her bigger ones and pressing a kiss to each of her fingers in turn. "I'm sorry Baby, is that better?" She asked, attempting a smile. Alexis frowned as she tilted her head to the side.

"Did daddy make you sad?" Kate breathed shakily for a couple of breaths but it seemed to be enough of an answer for the child. Alexis turned to her father with her piercing blue eyes flaming. "What did you do?" Rick opened his mouth to explain but Kate beat him to it. She gently cupped the girl's cheek in her palm and turned her away from her father.

"Hey, Baby, don't be mad at daddy." She murmured thinly. "It's not daddy's fault. Why don't, why don't you..." she hesitated before turning her head in Rick's direction without lifting her gaze to him. "Rick?" She asked hesitantly, needing his guidance.

"Pumpkin, go play while I talk to Kate. Then we'll sort out our plans for the day." Alexis stepped back from Kate when she slumped further into herself.

"Don't make her sad again." Alexis warned with a stern expression before leaving to go play, patting Kate's arm as she left. Rick shook his head at his daughter before turning back to Kate.

"Hey, Kate?" He asked softly. When she didn't move, he sank to the floor beside her, leaning against the door and laying his hand out between them, ready for her to take if and when she wanted to. "Kate, I'm with _you_. I would never stray from you, especially to sleep with my ex wife." Kate still stared at the floor from her place on her knees. Rick sighed softly. "Kate, please Honey, say _something_." He pleaded. Kate didn't move, save the water droplet that fell from her cheek to her knee.

"I wouldn't entirely blame you, you know." She murmured heartbrokenly. "I mean, how long has it been for you, Rick? And now you're with someone who refuses to put out? I get that you'd have to give in at some point." Rick stared at her, open mouthed and incredulous. "Would it, it would help if I slept with you, right?" She shook her head to herself. "Of _course_ it would, what am I thinking? But, uh, I can't promise I'll be as good as her, I mean you'll be my, what? My _third _sexual partner?" Kate shrugged self-consciously when he still offered no comment. "Late bloomer."

"Kate..." her name was strangled in his throat. "You do not now, nor will you _ever_, have to sleep with me to ensure my fidelity to you." She slowly raised her head so she could look at him. Her breath faltered at the indignant fury written all across his face. "If I have ever unwittingly given you that impression, not that I believe I _have_, then I am _sorry_. _Terribly_ sorry. Kate, I told you I would never push you and you seemed happy to take me at my word. Why do you now suppose that my word depends on whether or not we're having_ sex_?" Kate dropped her eyes to watch her hands twist nervously in her lap. "Kate, are you saying that you'd be _happy_ for me to sleep with other women until you were ready?" She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut to keep in the tears but also to block out the images of him in bed with anyone but her.

"No Rick." She choked. "I wouldn't be _happy." _She insisted tearfully before shrugging. "I just, I wouldn't _blame _you." Rick sighed, bored of going around in circles.

"Kate, if you _want_ to sleep with me, we will talk about that and take it slowly. If you are doing it to _keep_ me, I'd rather _never_ sleep with you. I never want you to feel as if you have to do _anything_, let alone do something that will make you so vulnerable. I won't sleep with you to prove a point or make a statement, nor will I do it if you aren't _entirely_ sure. I would never take _advantage_ of you like that Kate." He stood and gently squeezed her shoulder before going to find Alexis, knowing her mother's appearance, and hasty departure, would have affected her more than she'd let on in front of Kate, still desperate to impress her.

Kate didn't move to follow him, if it wasn't for her entire body trembling with the force of her tears, she wouldn't have been moving at all.


	31. Chapter 31

Rick was sat on Alexis' floor, Monkey-Bunkey sat on his left, one of his daughter's dolls on his right, plastic tea cup in his hand, smile on his face as he listened to his daughter make idle chit chat with her toys while pouring air into their cups. He sipped at his own cup when Alexis turned to him, eliciting a beaming smile from the girl while she chatted away to her tea party guests, happy enough considering their morning.

After a while, Rick's eyes were drawn to the doorway. Kate stood, holding her waist tightly, a tiny smile on her face as she watched his daughter play. She took a moment to notice his gaze on her, another to gather the courage to actually meet his eye. She gave him a tiny watery smile.

"Hey, Lex?" She asked quietly. Alexis looked up and smiled at the teenager.

"Hey Kate, you wanna join us?" He could see the effort the smile she gave the little girl took.

"Maybe in a bit, yeah?" Alexis nodded. "Can I borrow daddy for a minute?" Alexis looked from one adult to the other before nodding.

"Sure. Go daddy, I'll entertain our guests." Rick beamed and pressed a kiss to her crown before getting up and meeting Kate in the hall.

She leaned against the wall for a moment, watching him for some sign he didn't know how to give. After a few seconds, she threw herself into his chest and held on for dear life. Rick didn't hesitate to wrap her up in his strong embrace.

"I, I'm sorry Rick." She murmured brokenly. "I'm so sorry. I, I'm just so sorry." Rick tightened his grip and subconsciously rocked them from side to side gently.

"Shhh, it's okay Kate." She shook her head against his chest.

"No, Rick it isn't. I know you better than that. I _know_ you'd never cheat on anyone, no matter how long you've been with them. I'm sorry, I made you out to have no self control at all and that, that was wrong of me." She was fighting to not cry again and he could feel what it was costing her.

"Kate. It's okay. It would take a lot more than this to make me not want to be with you." She sobbed softly. "Kate, I am in awe that you picked me. I wouldn't do anything to jeopardise that. I only hope you realise at some point soon that I'm already falling for you." Kate pulled back only far enough to press her lips to his in an almost desperate kiss.

"I, I don't want you to be in awe of my wanting to be with you Rick. You're, well you're you. And I, I think this is the closest I've ever been to being in love." She whispered against his skin. "And I, I'm trying really hard..." he kissed her again, soft and clinging.

"Shhh Darling, I know, I know how hard you're trying Kate. I do. Just, let me in, okay? If you need to slow us down, if you need, if you need _anything_ Kate just tell me. Just..." he paused and gently cupped her face in his palms, his heart breaking for her at the crystal tears in her eyes, the desperate way she leaned into his touch, as if she'd been expecting him to never touch her again. "Just please, let me in. You don't need to hide from me Kate. You never have to be anything other than yourself with me. Never, you hear me?" She nodded slowly, neither moving from his touch nor opening her eyes. Rick gently stroked his thumb under her eye, displacing a tear.

"I can't sleep with you yet." She whispered. "I, I was being really stupid earlier. I, I can't, I'm sorry." Rick kissed her gently.

"No need to apologise." She nodded, pressing her lips into a thin line.

"I want to. I do. I _really_ do. I just, I need to get my head straight before we get into this like that." Rick nodded, dropping his hands to her waist to bring her into his chest again. She leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his back. "I, I think I'm gonna see someone. I need to, be better, for my dad and for you and Alexis." He kissed the top of her head gently.

"I think that's a good idea." She nodded.

"Would, would you help me find someone?" Rick smiled and held her that bit tighter. She was asking for his help. She was letting him in. She wasn't hiding what she perceived as weakness but instead letting him support her.

"We'll look later. For now..." he started, leaning down to look at her, "how about we go spend Valentines at a tea party in Paris, sipping air and making small talk with Monkey-Bunkey while watching the adorable little red headed waitress dance around the table?" She giggled and leaned in to kiss him ever so gently.

"I'd love to." She whispered.


	32. Chapter 32

Author's Note-I think people need to remember that Johanna only died five weeks ago. It's kinda a short time for her to be completely put together by.

Also, while my American readers celebrate today, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to a wonderful woman that I never met. She died six weeks before my sister was born but may God rest her soul because I hear she was a treasure. I hope you'd be proud of me Elsie. x

NYLF xx

* * *

"Man, woman, no preference?" Rick asked quietly. They were sat on his, _their, _bed with his laptop between them. Martha had taken Alexis out for the day, and then they were having dinner with Meredith, neither Rick nor Martha comfortable to leave the five year old with her alone, before Martha would bring her home. Rick had taken the chance to look up help for Kate while they had the privacy.

Kate shrugged. "Uh, I don't think I have a preference. Unless my preference can be cheapest?" Rick shot her a look. They'd been doing this only for five minutes she'd already asked three times.

"Kate, you getting better is my only priority. My book is already on the top ten best seller list, let me do this for you." Kate nodded.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I'm just not used to this." Rick smiled and kissed her temple gently.

"Okay, so, hmm." He scrolled through his options, reading them carefully as he went. It was a few minutes before he spoke again. "How about this guy, Carter Burke? He's just a few blocks from here. How does he sound?" Rick asked, clicking on his page. Kate read his credentials as well as the things he specialised in. Grief Counselling was third from the top. "Hey look, he is the psychologist on the payroll for the NYPD. That's pretty cool."

Kate smiled, he was so easy to please sometimes. "He, he sounds okay I guess."

Rick frowned at her, concern clouding his gaze. He'd hear the hesitation in her voice, could feel the tension radiating off her in waves. "You need to stop?" He asked knowingly, already moving to close the lid.

Kate nodded before lying down and curling into herself, facing away from him. He sighed and set the laptop on the floor beside the bed before lying behind her, draping his arm over her stomach. She snuggled back into him and sighed as he gently stroked his hand up and down her torso.

"It's okay to be scared, Kate. I was scared too, but it helps." He felt her tense slightly, in shock, before turning, under his arm, to face him.

"You went to see a therapist?"

Rick nodded, gently teasing one of her loose curls from her cheek to behind her ear. "Yeah I did. I needed to see someone when I was in my teens. I was terrified, I won't lie, but the guy was really nice and he helped me a lot." Kate nodded slowly. "Kate, I think you're perfect. But I hate to see you in so much pain. I think seeing someone, letting them help to unburden some of it for you, I think it would help." He felt her sigh, her chest brushing his own at the exaggerated inhale. "Kate, I won't make you do this..."

"I know. I _want_ to, I _do_." She shook her head before closing the gap between them and tucking her head into the crook of his neck while he held her tighter. "It's just, it has never gone well when I handed over control before." Rick felt his chest constrict at the implications of that statement, she couldn't say things like that to him without him jumping to worst case scenarios.

"You wanna share that story?" She shook her head rapidly, her hair tickling his chin.

"Maybe, later." She offered hesitantly. Rick nodded and kissed her crown. "I know it will be different this time, I just..." she sighed. "I'm so scared I'll forget her Rick." She admitted as quietly as she could to still allow him to hear it. Rick sighed, pulling her onto his chest as he rolled onto his back and sat up, ending up with her cradled in his lap.

"You won't forget her, Kate. There will be things," he wouldn't lie and say there wouldn't be, "the exact sound of her voice, the smell of her perfume and things. But her, as a woman, as your mother, you will never forget her. And then, you will watch videos of her, open a box she once packed, and it'll all come flooding back. You won't ever forget her, Kate." He wanted to promise her, but he couldn't. He knew from experience just how much you could forget about a person.

"How do you know?" She asked in a tiny voice, timid and afraid, not needing the answer if he wasn't willing to share, just needing him in this moment, she could draw the strength off him.

"Did my daughter ever mention 'Mr Goldberg'?" Kate nodded, realising she was yet to ask about that. "He was my mother's first husband. He was like a father to me. She married him when I was about seventeen and they stayed together until he died when Alexis was about a year and a half.

"He never tried to be my dad, never made himself that person in my life, but he _was_ that person. I went to him when I was thinking about asking Mer to marry me when we discovered Alexis, he shook my hand when she was born, and he was the first person aside from me or her mother to hold my daughter. In everything but blood and name, he was my father, and when he died, I was so scared I'd forget him. But I didn't." He smiled softly, leaning his cheek against her head. "I still remember that he always smelled of aniseed and tobacco, a combination that made me sick for the first year. He had this tick in his left eyebrow when he got mad. I remember all these little things that you wouldn't think you'd remember." Kate sighed softly, fisting her hand in his shirt.

"Book the appointment, Rick." Rick smiled and tilted her back until he could kiss her gently.

"I'm proud of you, Kate." She shook her head, a shy smile on her face.

"Be proud of me when I come out still standing." He kissed her again soundly, knowing full well she would do just that.


	33. Chapter 33

Kate was shaking as she left Rick's car and entered the nondescript office building that contained Dr Carter Burke's office. She had insisted that Rick not accompany her, him only agreeing so long as he could take her to and from.

Kate made her way to the third floor, and alerted the young woman behind the desk to her arrival.

She was only sat in the hard, plastic chair in the waiting room, for a few minutes before a tall, handsome black man opened the door at the end of the wall Kate was sat against, and called her name.

With one last deep breath, Kate took the first step.

"Ms Beckett, my name is Dr Burke." His deep voice made her feel safe. "Why don't you tell me a little about what you may need my help with?" Kate nodded quickly, jerkily. She was sat bolt upright in the comfortable armchair across from him, unable to relax even enough to let her spine lose its rigidity.

"Right." She nodded again. "On the ninth of January, this year, my mother was murdered. Stabbed to death in an alleyway in Washington Heights. The police have since attributed it to gang violence." Burke nodded, his pen moving swiftly against his legal pad, despite him never breaking eye contact. Kate appreciated the move, it was grounding her. "My, my father took her death hard. Understandable really but," she cleared her throat and shook her head, "he started drinking, heavily. I, I haven't seen him sober since the funeral."

"That must be terribly difficult to watch." Kate nodded mutely. "How are _you_ handling it?" She shrugged.

"I, I read a lot." Burke nodded with an encouraging smile on his face. "I met someone. He's a good friend to me. We umm, we have very recently taken that friendship into a relationship." Burke nodded.

"May I ask his name?"

"Rick." Kate murmured. Another nod from the doctor. Another note. "He was the one who encouraged me to do this, to come see you." Kate shrugged, her eyes flitting from his for the first time. "After waking him with violent nightmares and, his ex turned up and I jumped down his throat. And I can't stop crying." Kate croaked, her throat tightening, eyes demonstrating the inability right on cue. "I agreed it would be a good idea."

"Why did you jump down his throat?" Burke asked slowly. Kate shook her head.

"I haven't slept with him yet. I, I can't." She shook her head again, her fingers worrying the fabric of the sleeve of her hoodie. "His ex was clearly expecting him to sleep with her during her visit and, while he assured both her and me he wouldn't be doing so, I told him I wouldn't blame him, because I wouldn't and he had needs. I then offered to sleep with him, to, to keep him." Kate dropped her head to face her lap as tears poured down her cheeks.

"Has he ever pressured you into having sex with him?" Kate shook her head emphatically. "Then why did you believe you had to sleep with him to keep him faithful to you?" Kate shrugged. "Ms Beckett?"

"I've done it before." She murmured in a very tiny voice. "It's not like it would be a big deal. At least I know Rick actually likes me for more than what is beneath my clothes." Burke watched her for a moment. She was trembling, tears streaking down her face though she was doing nothing to stop them.

"Ms Beckett, if someone pressured you into doing something you didn't want to, it could be considered assault." Kate nodded.

"I know. It wasn't that bad. Besides, I was sixteen and rather intoxicated at the time." Burke steepled his fingers.

"Did you ever tell anyone about it?" He predicted the shake of her head. "Have you ever _had_ a consensual sexual experience?" Kate sat very still for a moment.

"Once. It wasn't the best of experiences." She noted wryly. Burke nodded, making a few more notes. "I thought we were here to talk about my mother." She murmured a moment later.

"I am here for you to talk about anything that is bothering you. While undoubtedly, your mother's death is a huge part of the depressive state that you have found yourself in, there are underlying issues that also need to be addressed."

Kat left the office with the agreement to go back every Tuesday for an hour long appointment. She slipped into Rick's waiting car and flashed him a drained smile.

"You okay?" He asked quietly, smoothing his thumb across her knuckles as her hands rested in her lap. She nodded.

"Just tired. First one's the worst right?" She asked, turning to him. He could see it in her eyes, the seriousness of the question.

"First one's the worst." He confirmed on a short nod. She smiled gently back.

"Can we go home now?" Rick nodded and started the engine while she strapped in.

"Of course." He murmured as he pulled out into a gap in the traffic, leaving Kate to stare out of the passenger window, her thoughts running around inside her head even faster and less organised than they were an hour ago. That session brought forth a lot of memories she wasn't aware still bothered her. Like they said, it had to get worse before it got better. But as Kate thought over her situation, she was privately questioning how much worse it had to get.


	34. Chapter 34

Author's Note-I was born at six minutes past ten on the fifteenth of July 1995. That makes tomorrow my eighteenth birthday. :D This is my present to you all.

However, this could be considered a trigger type chapter for some, so I'm giving it a trigger warning, it also isn't happy. Sorry about that. But read and enjoy, and feel free to leave me birthday presents in the form of reviews. :D NYLF xx

* * *

It was a week before her next appointment; one Kate had made her own way home from, while Rick dropped off Alexis, to spend the night with her grandmother.

She let herself in with the spare key he'd given her when he dropped her off, in case she beat him back, and slipped out of her heels before near on collapsing on the couch.

Her session had been hard.

Dr Burke had asked her to go through as many details as she could about when she was sixteen, and it had taken nearly the whole hour for her to choke it out. She'd left with his ending argument of 'I think, if you could share this with Rick, it may help you both' still ringing in her ears.

"Hey." Rick's gentle voice filtered into her universe somewhere over her left shoulder. She turned her head to face him, her earlier tears threatening to re-emerge at the concern leaking from his eyes. "Tough session?" She nodded. He quickly closed the distance and sat beside her. She crawled into his lap and buried her face against his chest, letting the familiar scent of him calm her frayed and fraying nerves. "You wanna talk about it?" Kate shrugged.

"He wants me to. He wants me to talk to you about something, but I know you won't like it. I, I think it might change how you see me." She whispered the last sentence into his chest.

"Never." He murmured decisively. "Nothing could change how I see you Kate Beckett."

Kate took a deep breath, trying to gather the courage to tell him this, this potential game changer of a confession, but her breath left her lungs without words. She shook her head against him, her fist holding his shirt as tight as she could.

"I can't tell you this." She whispered frantically, more to herself than him. "I can't. You'll never want to touch me again. You'll hate me, you'll never meet my eye, you'll..." She broke off, burying her face into his pectoral, fighting to keep herself from crying.

She was so bored of crying.

"Shhh." Rick soothed softly as he cradled her into his body. "Shhh Kate, it's alright. Baby, don't cry. Whatever it is, it won't make me think less of you, or push you away, or not want to be with you Kate. Nothing could do that Baby, please." He pleaded into her hair, unconsciously rocking her in his arms. "I just wanna help. Let me in Kate; let me take some of this burden for you."

Kate took a rib-shatteringly deep breath before removing herself from his lap. She curled into the far end of the couch, drawing her knees into her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She couldn't be near him for this and she couldn't have him touching her. She couldn't bear to feel the moment he stopped wanting to be around her.

"I was sixteen. I had just turned sixteen." She whispered.

Rick turned to face her but respected the boundaries she had enforced.

"Maddie was throwing a party; it was her elder brother's birthday. He was twenty the day before. I'll admit, I'd had a drink. But, the emphasis is on _a. _I only had one drink before switching to soft drinks. My parents would have killed me if I had come home with a hangover the next morning." Kate shook her head, taking another deep breath before continuing.

"I'd always got on with James, so I was talking to him most of the night while Maddie got loaded." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "He had a few friends there, obviously, and he introduced me to this guy. Will."

Rick noticed that she'd started trembling and hated the fact he couldn't make it better.

"He got me a drink, promised it was alcohol free and we talked, and danced, and hung out. I agreed to go on a date with him the next weekend, let him call me his 'girl'. He asked if I wanted him to go check a bedroom was free. I, obviously, said no. He said if I wanted to be his 'girl' I had to sleep with him. A few drinks later, most gotten by me, I started to feel lightheaded. He'd spiked my drinks with alcohol."

Kate noticed Rick's hands clenching in his lap and knew he could tell where this was going. She closed her eyes, unable to watch his reactions.

"I don't know how we ended up upstairs. Or at what point I lost my top. But I was fading in and out of consciousness. I guess I should be grateful he at least used a condom."

Rick felt sick.

"When I woke up the next morning, I was fully dressed and there was a glass of water and aspirin on the bedside table. James had taken care of me. He smiled when I came down and asked how I was feeling. I didn't tell him about what had happened, but I know he knew. There was something in the way he looked at me. Maddie yelled at me for missing most of the party. James gave me a lift home and after I showered, I spent the day in bed. I have never been so grateful to get my period two weeks later." Kate wiped a silent tear from her cheek.

"Will left for Boston the day after the party and I never saw him since. I rarely speak to James any more and no one else ever knew until Dr Burke."

She cleared her throat painfully, her eyes remaining shut. "It's okay to hate me Rick. I'll, I'll find somewhere to stay if you don't want me here, I wouldn't blame you."

Rick was sat frozen in his seat. He hadn't been completely shocked, where else can a 'I was at a party and he spiked my drink' story really end, but he had no idea how to react now. How could she think that he'd think less of her for that?

"Rick?" Kate asked thickly. "Please say something." She begged. Rick shook his head, clearing it from the rage that wouldn't do either of them any good before speaking.

"Kate. I, I can't believe you never told anyone. That guy forced himself on you and you didn't tell anyone." Kate flinched. "But I don't hate you. God Kate, I could never hate you for that, how could you even...? Kate I really really like you. And that hasn't changed because of something that happened three years ago and was completely out of your control." She opened her eyes slowly and looked at him.

"Really?" Rick felt his heart sank. Her eyes were swimming with tears and there was such hope in her eyes that it broke his heart.

"Kate. I could never blame you or hate you for this. I still want you around and I still want to be with you." He spelled out for her.

Kate sobbed and reached out her hand slowly, afraid he wouldn't take it. Rick encased her hand in his own and held it tight, pressing a gentle kiss to her knuckles. She sobbed around a smile and let him draw her into his side and hold her close.

This explained a lot for Rick. He now understood better her reluctance to sleep with him. She'd said earlier that he would be her third sexual partner so there had to be someone either before or after Will, although he had a feeling it was after.

He knew that if, and when, they got there themselves, he would make her feel loved and special just like everyone who had the privilege to be with her should have done.


	35. Chapter 35

Author's Note-I want to thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday. It was amazing and each happy birthday review just made it better. And seriously UrsulaBeckettBirthdayGirl, you're awesome thank you so much and KsenijaCastillion I will never grow up :D just call me Peter Pan :D

Now, the next chapter in this will be M rated. I really hope I do it justice as I've put a lot of pressure on myself to make it great, given Kate's past experiences. However, if you don't want to read it, any and all important plot points will be summarised at the beginning of chapter 37. So if it's not up your alley, you're welcome to skip it. NYLF xx

* * *

Six months came and went before they discussed her sexual experience again.

Alexis and Martha were visiting Meredith in LA for the weekend, Rick unable to go due to prior book commitments, and they had the loft to themselves from Friday night until Monday afternoon.

Kate and Rick were snuggled on the couch, her head resting on his shoulder while he held her close. They had been watching a movie, but it had long since finished both of them too comfortable to move to do anything about it though.

Rick could feel the tension mounting in Kate, alerting him to something big being on her mind, but he knew to let her come to him. Seven months of dating her afforded him the knowledge that if and when it got too big for her to handle, she'd confide in him.

"The other guy I've slept with," Kate started quietly, "his name was Josh." Rick turned his head, resting his chin against her temple, quietly and unobtrusively letting her know he was listening. "I was a few months shy of my eighteenth birthday and we'd been dating for about two months." Kate sighed, picking at a hangnail, another nervous habit he'd noticed. "It was consensual, I told him we could, I, I wanted to try it." Rick nodded; glad she'd at least wanted to this time. "He wasn't as experienced as he had said. He uhh, he just went for it y'know, no build up. And he wasn't exactly small. Yeah, I now get the analogy of a water slide with no water. " Rick cringed beside her. "I bled for two days afterwards, could barely sit down." Rick held her tighter. "We broke up a couple of days after that because I refused to sleep with him again."

"I don't blame you." Rick murmured softly.

Kate chuckled. "He did. I've only ever dated one other person. Tom was great. A real sweetheart, but we were fourteen. It was never going to go anywhere."

Rick nodded again. "Not that you need one Sweetheart, but is there a reason you're sharing all of this now?"

Kate bit her lip nervously before pulling back slightly, just far enough to see his face. "I..." she started before bottling it and watching her finger as it traced patterns on the seat cushions instead. "I was just thinking. I mean, seven months is a fair amount of time. And, y'know, we have the loft to ourselves..."

Rick gently put his hand under her chin and raised her head until he could look her in the eye. "Kate? Are you sure about this? I told you, there's no rush. I don't care if we don't sleep together until we get married." Kate's eyes widened but he gave her a soft smile, apologetic only in his timing. "I mean it Kate; I never want to push you in this. It would kill me if we did this and you regretted it."

Kate shook her head. "Rick, I, I want to. I want to go to the next step with you. Just..." She blushed slightly, playing with his hand between her fingers for a moment, embarrassed for feeling like she even needed to ask. "Just be gentle with me, yeah?"

Rick pulled her into his lap and held her into his chest, safe and secure. "You never need to ask that. I would never hurt you Kate, not like that, not ever. You trust that, right?" Kate nodded shyly. "Then believe that I will make this good for you. And if you need to stop at any point, and I mean _any _point, Kate, you just have to tell me and I will stop. Immediately. Okay?"

Kate nodded. "Okay."

Rick smiled. "Good. Now, first things first." He leaned in and kissed her slowly, allowing himself to not hold back any longer, pouring everything he felt for her into their kiss. Only when he felt that whisper of a moan vibrate in the back of her throat did he pull away, gently taking her hand in his as he led her to the bedroom.


	36. Chapter 36

Author's Note-As I said in the last chapter, this is rated M. I won't be changing the entire story's rating, but this particular chapter is a higher rating. You are more than welcome to skip it, I know this isn't everyone's cup of tea, and I will be roughly summarizing this in the next chapter's author's notes for anyone who skipped. If this is your thing though, please enjoy and tell me what you think :D NYLF xx

* * *

Rick turned Kate and folded her in his arms before kissing her again, once they had reached the edge of his bed. He was nervous, they both were, and he knew this could make or break them. But he wanted them both to enjoy it.

He slowly ran his hands from her waist to her hips and then back up, following the line of her rib cage, smiling into their kiss when she shuddered against him. He smoothed his hands around the side of her bust, sweeping across her already pebbled nipples eliciting a quiet whimper, before settling his fingers on the top button of his button down that she had put on that morning. He pulled back, wanting to see her for this bit, and felt that warm satisfaction when she leaned forward to chase his lips.

"Easy Kate." He murmured, slowly easing the first disk out of its slot. "I'm right here Sweetheart."

He managed to slip the next three buttons free before she interrupted him. "Rick?"

As he'd promised, he stopped immediately and looked up at her once more. "What's wrong Kate, what's going on?"

She shook her head quickly. "Just, kiss me? Please, Rick I need you to..." he cut off her almost frantic pleading with his mouth as his right hand came up to cup the back of her head. He pulled away after a long moment and leaned his forehead against hers.

"You okay?" She nodded. "You want to keep going?" He waited until she nodded once more before kissing her quickly and undoing the rest of the buttons.

He carefully slipped his hands across her shoulders, underneath the fabric, and slid it off, letting it pool behind her. He took a moment to just look at her, her gorgeous skin encased in deep purple lace. "You're beautiful, you know that?" He whispered against her ear. He could feel the shy smile that graced her face. "Lay down for me Kate."

Kate sat on the edge of the bed before lying back flat with a deep breath. She knew she could trust Rick, knew he would never purposefully hurt her, but given her last two attempts at this, she could be forgiven for being apprehensive.

Rick knelt in front of her and stroked his hands up from her bent knees, up her thighs, until they settled at the waistband of her jeans. He pressed his lips against the ridge of her knee before popping the button and slowly drawing the zipper down.

"You okay?" He asked softly. Kate nodded against his sheets. "Good." With slow gentle movements, Rick slipped his fingers beneath the denim and let Kate raise her hips slightly before peeling her jeans down her perfect legs.

He sat back against his heels once he'd tossed her jeans away from him. He knew that she hadn't planned this, but the black, high-cut cotton was perhaps even more sexy than lace would have been. "How you doing Kate?" He asked his voice low and rough.

"I'm good." She murmured, her own tone lowered by her arousal.

Rick hummed softly. "You ready for me to start this?"

Kate nodded. "I'm ready." She said as she braced herself.

Rick chuckled and moved to sit beside her, gently tracing patterns on the flat plane of her stomach. "Hey, Kate, we can stop now if you need to."

She leaned up on her elbows and kissed his pectoral, having no idea when he lost his shirt. "I want to do this Rick." She assured him again. He leaned down and kissed her sweetly.

"Okay, Baby." He slid his right hand behind her back and snapped her bra clasp, noting the pride that flashed in her gaze at him being able to do it one handed. He smirked as he teased the strap down her arm and slowly slid the garment from her body.

"Rick." Kate murmured. His eyes snapped to hers. "I, I'm not the biggest in the world Rick and..."

He cut off her protest by gently cupping her breast in his hand. She gasped softly.

"Kate, you're perfect." He told her softly. "I don't care how big or small you are." He accentuated his point by flipping his thumb over her nipple making her arch into his touch. He smiled softly and kissed her forehead before lowering his head to her chest.

He gently peppered her pale creamy flesh with tiny kisses before fastening his lips around the dark peak, making her moan. His other hand came into play, teasingly pinching her other nipple, flickering it between his fingers before massaging her entire breast, just as he pressed his teeth against her hardened flesh.

Kate cried out under his ministrations.

Neither of her past partners had been much interested in her pleasure, but Rick seemed to get off on it.

"Rick..." she groaned softly, "Please Rick I need..." she cut herself off as she cried out again prompted by Rick flickering his tongue against her trapped flesh. He pulled away with one last kiss of her neglected nipple, almost a promise to come back later, before trailing his kisses down her stomach while his hands traced each rib individually on their way down to her hips.

Kate couldn't stop her hand from settling in Rick's hair, her fingers tangling with the strands in preparation. Rick kissed the inside of her thighs that she didn't remember spreading for him.

"You doing okay?" Rick asked, his breath hitting her sensitive flesh at just the right angle to make her squirm. He took that as his answer before raising his hand to gently trace her outline through her panties.

Kate arched off the bed suddenly with a whimpered cry before falling down against his sheets, panting hard.

Rick chuckled. "I'm sorry; did I just make you _come_ with my _first_ touch?"

She huffed. "Try not to sound quite so smug about it, 'kay?"

Rick smiled and pulled himself up the bed to kiss her gently. "I'm just glad I can make you feel so good. Not smug Kate, happy and proud." She smiled gently and kissed him again. "Now," he practically growled in her ear, "I wanna taste you, Kate."

She whimpered as he returned to his earlier position and pulled the soaked cotton down her legs, flinging them away before kissing the ridge of her pelvis.

Kate moaned even before he touched her.

"Ready?" Rick husked, receiving a frantic nod from Kate.

He again traced her with a light fingertip before slipping it inside her millimetre by millimetre. She squirmed, thrusting her hips back against the intrusion.

His smiled at her reaction before feather lightly flicking against her clit with the tip of his tongue. She jerked off the bed like she'd been shocked, gasping his name as her hand tightened in his hair. He fastened his mouth around her nub and hummed, causing Kate's entire body to quake as she squealed her way through her next orgasm.

Rick rocked his finger in and out of her, easing her down from her climax as gently as he could.

Once he could feel just the errant contractions of aftershocks around his finger, he eased it out of her and sucked it clean, before slipping off his stupidly tight jeans and crawling up the bed to hold her into his chest, gently smoothing his hand against the back of her head as she tried to catch her breath. She gripped his wrist tightly as she panted against him.

He gave her a minute or so to recover before even trying to get her to hold a conversation. "Are you okay?" He asked softly against her head.

She nodded slowly, as though it took too much effort. "It was just, _intense_." She whispered breathily. "I, that's, never happened to me before."

He could feel her blushing.

"What? Are you honestly saying you've never had an _orgasm_ before?" Rick asked incredulously.

Kate pulled back to look at him, the blush covering her cheeks escaping her face and tumbling all the way down to her still heaving breasts. The look in her eye spoke of her honestly.

"Oh wow, Kate." Rick murmured before kissing her sweetly. "Thank you." He whispered, leaning their foreheads together once he had pulled back.

"Why are you thanking _me_?" Kate chuckled shyly.

Rick smiled. "Because you gave me that honour Kate." He didn't think it was possible for her cheeks to get any redder but she proved him wrong. "On that same vein, if you wanna stop here, we can. We don't have to do it all in one go."

Kate shook her head. "I want to _feel_ you Rick." She whispered.

He couldn't help but gasp. But he had to check. He really was okay if she wanted to stop there. "Are you sure? Kate, I don't want to push..." she cut him off with a passionate kiss.

"Rick, I _want _to do this. And I'm pretty certain you do to." She smiled seductively as she ran the back of her hand against his impressive erection below his boxers. His hips jerked without his permission. "I promise to tell you if I want to stop but I can't leave you like this, and I need you inside me."

Rick groaned into her neck while her quick, clever hands slipped under his boxers and drew them down his legs.

She gasped quietly once he was bare for her. Josh hadn't been small but Rick was at least an inch thicker and maybe two longer.

Rick leaned in and captured her mouth gently as he pulled himself up to hover over her.

"You have to tell me if you need something Kate. Okay? If you need me to slow down, stop, pull out completely..."

"Go faster, harder," Kate continued with a sly grin.

Rick chuckled and quickly sucked the join of her shoulder to her neck, making her shudder. "Minx."

"You enjoy it." Kate shot back.

Rick smiled. "That I do." He kissed her quickly before taking hold of himself and aligning them. Kate tensed as his tip nudged at her entrance. "Kate?"

She shook her head. "Just go slow."

Rick nodded and slowly, gently, fed the first inch inside her.

Kate gasped at the intrusion and her hands clutched at his wrists either side of her head. He looked at her for guidance but she nodded. Rick pulled nearly out before threading the next two inches inside her.

"Oh god Rick please, just get it over with." Kate begged, nervous enough without him dragging it out.

Rick leaned down and kissed her cheek before pressing deep until he sat all the way inside her. He felt Kate panting against his cheek and knew she'd been holding her breath the entire time.

"How's that?" Rick asked softly.

Kate nodded. "Feels good. Just give me a second though."

Rick had no intention of going anywhere. Simply being inside her silken honey-dipped walls was like heaven.

After a few seconds, Kate rolled her hips experimentally, making them both groan. She nodded and Rick started rocking in and out of her.

After a few minutes, Kate whimpered. "Faster, Rick please, I need you to go faster."

Rick complied on a moan and sped up his rocking, still keeping himself deep inside her even when he retreated.

Kate moaned and shook her head. "Please _Rick_, I won't break."

He kissed her soundly before pulling nearly out and surging back in.

Kate's hips rose to meet him, a guttural sound rising from her throat. "Like that, oh god, just like that."

He moved in and out of her for several minutes before he felt her start to flutter around his length.

"Harder." Kate panted. "Rick, harder, Rick!" She moaned his name as he followed her instructions.

Rick could feel his body wanting to speed up. His biological urges telling him to fuck her, to piston in and out of her until she forget everything but his name, but he knew he couldn't do that now. With any luck, if this went well, there would be time for that later.

For now he forced himself to go just fast and hard enough to satisfy them both.

After several strokes, Kate's moans transformed into sharp, wordless cries. Her grip tightened on his wrist and he knew she was close.

He removed his right hand from her grip and pressed against her clit with his forefinger.

Kate flew apart moments later, crying his name into the atmosphere as her climax trigger his own.

He fell against her, groaning her name into her neck as he spilled into her.

After a minute or so, Rick regained his senses enough to roll off his girlfriend and onto the bed beside her, Kate whimpering softly as he slipped out of her, immediately missing his grounding weight against her.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and brought her into his side, her cheek pillowed on his chest while her hand rested against his stomach.

For a few minutes, they just laid there, content in each others arms while they regained the ability to breathe, let alone speak.

"So, how was that for you?" Rick asked sarcastically.

Kate giggled, honest to goodness giggled. "Thank you Rick. You, you made me feel safe." She whispered softly.

Rick squeezed her waist gently. "I told you, I'll never hurt you Kate."

She smiled gently. "I know."


	37. Chapter 37

Author's Note-For anyone who skipped the last chapter, here's a quick recap. Kate got nervous a couple of times but Rick stuck to her pace, made her feel loved and taken care of. She was worried because her bust wasn't the biggest but he told her she was perfect and he didn't care about what size she was. Kate had never had an orgasm before meeting Rick, he thanked her for the privilege of giving her first (second and third) Afterwards, when they talked, Kate thanked him for making her feel safe and he reminded her that he'd never hurt her.

* * *

Kate woke around four, cold seeping into her bones despite the July heat. Rick kept the air conditioning on almost constantly and Kate could feel it now. She rolled from her right side to her left, only to be greeted by the sight of her boyfriend watching her. She startled slightly and he smiled, gently stroking the side of his finger across her cheek.

"Hi?" Kate whispered curiously.

Rick smiled softly and cupped her cheek before kissing her gently. "Hi, Gorgeous." Even in the dark he could see her blush. "How you feeling?"

Kate smiled. "Good. I mean, I'll ache for a while," Rick blanched but Kate traced her finger across the bridge of his nose gently, appeasing him. "Only because it's been so long Rick, not because of anything you did. You, you were amazing." She whispered, her blush deepening.

Rick smiled and slipped his hand down to her waist before drawing her into his body. "I had this horrible thought that you'd wake up and regret it."

Kate's heart tripped. "I could never regret that Rick. Honestly, never."

He smiled softly. "Good." He tenderly traced his fingertip across her features as he admired her for a moment. "Do you know how beautiful you are when you come for me?" Kate shook her head embarrassed both by the question and the awe in his tone. "Honestly, Baby, I have never seen anything like it."

I'm, uhh, glad you like it?" Kate hedged, making Rick laugh.

"I'm glad we waited." He murmured honesty, trailing his fingertips up and down her naked back. "I'm really glad we waited until you trusted me enough to show me that Kate. Thank you. Thank you for being brave enough to let me in."

Kate cupped his cheek, leaning her forehead against his. "Thank you for opening me up to how this should be. Thank you, for making me feel precious in your arms." She closed the gap and kissed him softly, letting him roll them so he hovered above her.

They made love again, holding each other close as they brought one another to release once more. They exchanged soft kisses before Rick tucked Kate back into his side and they both drifted off to sleep.

Later that evening, after spending the day just enjoying each other's company without interruptions, Rick poured himself a scotch and Kate a soda, before they settled on the couch.

After a few minutes, Kate set her glass down and turned to him. "So, come on Rick, tell me, what inspired you to write mystery novels?"

Rick smiled indulgently and gently stroked his finger down her cheek. "You." He answered softly.

Kate smiled and leaned in to kiss him softly. "Sweet, Mr Castle, but not what I meant. Why murder, what's with the macabre obsession?"

Rick sighed and leaned into the back of the couch. "You really wanna know?" He asked quietly.

Kate nodded. "Yes please."

Rick nodded before sighing. "I was seven. We were in the Hamptons for the summer. Mother had had a good year, and needed the time away, so she packed us up and off we went. It was August, the weather was gorgeous, and I would spend all day, practically from dawn to dusk, on the beach."

Kate smiled softly, following his soft voice with rapt attention.

"I've never told Alexis, or Meredith, or anyone who didn't already know really, but I had a little brother."

Kate leaned forward slightly, resting her hand, warm and heavy, on his knee. The catch in his voice almost had her regretting asking for the story.

He covered her hand with his, flashing her a weak smile before continuing. "His name was Matthew and he was three years younger than me. I was his _world,_ Kate. He would follow me anywhere. And I, being his elder brother, would take advantage of that. I'd get him to sneak down in the middle of the night for snacks and make him be all the bad parts when we played."

Kate gave him a wry smile.

"But I was his hero. So, when I suggested we went up the cliff to play, he didn't even hesitate, though I could see he was wary. We were playing explorers, we'd found a new animal and were trying to catch it to bring it back to our lab." Rick's eyes slipped closed as he remembered. "I don't even know how it happened. If I'd have looked up just a second earlier, Kate, then maybe..." he trailed off, his voice failing as tears built in his eyes.

Kate squeezed his knee, trying to comfort him in any way she could.

"I heard his scream as I ran down the cliff towards the beach. It had stopped by the time I reached him." He cleared his throat, opening his eyes to meet hers.

"They said he'd fractured his skull, broken his neck. He'd of died instantly. Not that that was any comfort. Mother never blamed me, but I blamed myself." He sighed. "We didn't go back. Mother sold the house and vowed to never return to the Hamptons. She still hasn't. I wouldn't let Alexis go the entire year she was four, I uhh, I didn't want to tempt fate. Just in case. In case someone wanted to punish me for my baby brother's death by taking her." He shook his head, tracing random patterns on the back of her hand.

"Mother started drinking after the funeral. She's nowhere near the league of your father, but she's by no means sober. It was her coping method. I never begrudged her it. I started writing. I have them somewhere. The stories I wrote that summer. Every one dedicated to Matthew." Rick sighed and cleared his throat before turning to Kate. "There, now you know."

Kate crawled into his lap and curled into his chest, fighting her own tears at the pain radiating off him. "I'm sorry, Rick." She husked painfully. "I'm _so_ sorry. I didn't know. I'm sorry."

Rick kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her. "It's okay. I haven't talked about it for a long time. It's probably good to now and again." He assured her quietly. "I'd appreciate it, if you didn't speak of this with anyone though."

"Of course not." She shook her head as she turned to face him. "I wouldn't. It wouldn't be fair. To anyone." Rick leaned in slowly and kissed her as gently as he could. "Thank you for telling me though. I'm glad I know this about you."

Rick smiled. "Thank you for not blaming me."

Kate shook her head desperately. "Children play, Rick. It's not like you pushed him. You weren't to blame."

Rick shrugged. "Sometimes Alexis will say something, or do something, and it's so much like him, it's spooky. It's kind of nice though. It, it's like he's looking down on her, y'know?" Rick asked hesitantly.

Kate smiled and kissed him again before nuzzling into the crook of his neck. "I feel that way about you and my mom sometimes."


	38. Chapter 38

Author's Note-Hey, my internet has been down for the past week, so anything during that week I couldn't help-lack of updates, replies and the such-anything before that was on me. I now have the next four, including this one, written and should be uploaded pretty regularly. I have plans too, so watch this space. Thanks for sticking by it. NYLF xx

* * *

Rick and Kate both waited anxiously at the airport gate early Monday afternoon. Alexis was due back any moment and neither could wait to see her.

While this weekend had been great, getting to know each other on a deeper level, sharing things both physically and emotionally they hadn't before, they both missed their little girl; Kate long having gotten over her nervousness around the five year old and becoming almost the maternal figure in the child's life.

After Meredith had let Alexis down again, telling her she'd be there on her fifth birthday and not turning up, Kate had taken her out for the day, just the two of them, doing anything and everything the birthday girl wanted to. By the time Kate had carried her back into the loft that night, she was fast asleep with a smile on her face. Rick had never been so grateful.

"How much longer?" Kate practically whined, making Rick chuckle.

"Excited are we?" He teased gently, the arm around her waist, his hand cupping her hip, taking out any sting.

"You're not? She's been gone _all weekend_." Kate leaned deeper into his body.

"I enjoyed our weekend pretty well without her though, didn't you?" Rick asked, aiming for teasing her some more, but Kate could hear the subtle vulnerable undertone. She had thought she had been very appreciative of his talents this weekend, apparently she was _loud,_ but maybe she hadn't convinced him enough.

"Our weekend was perfect Rick. And I wouldn't have changed it for anything. The way you hold me," she dropped her voice to a more intimate level, "the way you _touch _me; it's like nothing I've ever experienced." She felt Rick's grip tighten on her hip and smirked before resting her head in the crook of her neck, pressing a butterfly kiss to the skin she found. "But I miss our baby."

"_Our_ baby, huh?" Rick smiled, loving how close Kate and his daughter had gotten over the last few months. "Well," he started, nudging her to get her attention, "I think she's here."

Kate turned to look and sure enough, coming out of the gate was an exhausted, but radiant as ever Martha, holding both her and her granddaughter's bags, while Alexis looked around anxiously.

Rick whistled, loud and clear, over all the noise and Kate couldn't help but smile when her stepdaughter immediately turned towards the sound. Both adults waved and Alexis took off like a shot, barrelling straight into Rick's open arms where he had crouched to catch her.

"Hey, Baby Girl." Rick murmured into her hair as he held her close, standing carefully. "Oh we missed you Pumpkin."

"Missed you too." Alexis whispered, snuggling into her daddy while Kate went to help Martha with their luggage.

"Hey, how was your trip?" The younger woman asked as she slung Alexis' bag over her shoulder and accepted Martha's embrace with the other arm.

"Too long." The matriarch groaned. "What my boy ever saw in that woman is beyond me."

Kate smiled softly, still not yet sure where she stood in the Meredith debate. Valentines had been her only interaction with her and that had been fleeting at best. While she couldn't say she _liked_ the woman, she was Alexis' mother, and Kate would be civil to her for her stepdaughter's sake.

"But enough about my weekend, how was yours?" Martha asked, bumping their hips together as she winked at her, smiling broadly at the brunette's blush. "My my Katherine, good was he?"

"Martha!" Kate exclaimed, hiding her burning face with her spare hand.

Martha laughed and waved her off before linking their arms and leading her over to where Rick and Alexis hadn't moved.

"Hey, Little Red, where's my hug?" Kate chuckled as they reached the pair.

Alexis looked over her father's shoulder at her, worrying Kate when she saw the five year old's red-rimmed eyes.

"Hey, Baby, what happened?"

Alexis shook her head and buried it back into her father's neck.

Kate gently palmed the back of her head, trying to soothe her as best she could. "Shall we go home Honey?" When Alexis only nodded against Rick's shoulder, Kate kissed her hand where it was clinging to Rick's shirt, and led them through the airport towards their car.

Kate slipped her hand into Rick's back pocket and relieved him of his keys, before gently pushing him towards the open back door, silently telling him to cradle his little girl while she drove. With a grateful smile, Rick got into the back seat, letting Kate strap him in before he kissed her gently.

"Thank you." He murmured. Kate smiled softly and shut the door, sliding into the drivers' seat while Martha put the bags into the trunk and got in the passenger side. Once everyone was seated and strapped, Kate drove them home.


	39. Chapter 39

Author's Note-I love that everyone immediately went on the offensive about Meredith. Also, most of you automatically presumed that Alexis didn't want to hug Kate because she'd had poison put in her ear about her. The truth, or at least how I wrote it, was that she just needed her daddy more in that moment. NYLF xx

* * *

Kate helped Martha carry the bags from the car to the elevator while Rick's doorman, Eduardo, held the door so Rick didn't need to let go of Alexis. The men exchanged smiles before Eduardo called the elevator and everyone piled on.

Kate let them in the loft and took in Alexis' bag. While Martha went to the kitchen, Kate, Rick and Alexis all went upstairs to the young girl's room.

"Alexis? Pumpkin? Talk to me." Rick gently coaxed as he sat on her bed while Kate tried to be as unobtrusive as possible while she unpacked her bag. "Hey, Baby, talk to daddy." Kate's heart broke at the pain in his voice. He may be able to mask it from his daughter, but not from her.

"She left me." Alexis murmured into his shoulder.

"Your mom?" Rick guessed accurately, neither adult in the room very surprised.

"She was never there. She didn't want me daddy. Even when she did see me, she spent the whole time on her phone, or saying mean things about Kate. Why doesn't my mommy wanna see me?" Alexis asked before breaking down.

Rick rocked her from side to side, gently hushing her. "Oh Sweetheart, shhh, it's okay." Rick soothed, despite his blood boiling. How dare his ex-wife treat their daughter like that? And how dare she take her jealousy over his partner out on her? "Baby Girl, she loves you." He promised, desperately hoping he wasn't lying to her. "She loves you and she wants to spend time with you..."

"No she doesn't." Alexis murmured. "She didn't come for my birthday; she didn't wanna see me when I went to LA, what's wrong with me daddy?"

Kate turned away from the pair, her hand over her mouth to stop herself sobbing, her heart breaking for her precious stepdaughter. She didn't care if Meredith liked her or not, but Alexis didn't need to hear it. especially during the precious little time her mother saw her.

Rick pulled back and held Alexis so he could see her. "Nothing," he stated with feeling. "You hear me? Absolutely nothing. You are _perfect_ Alexis. Absolutely _perfect_ and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise."

"I just don't understand daddy, why does Kate wanna spend time with me but not mommy?"

Kate took that as her cue and crossed the room so she could kneel beside them.

"Angel, I can't tell you why your mom acts the way she does, but I wanna spend time with you because you're amazing." Kate whispered as if she was letting her in on the biggest secret. "You make my day brighter little girl, and I love you. I will always want your company, okay?"

Alexis turned those big blue watery eyes on her stepmother. "Promise?"

"Oh Lexi, I promise." Kate nearly sobbed, taking Alexis into her embrace when she held her arms out to her. "I promise my Baby I promise."

Between them, Rick and Kate managed to convince Alexis to have a nap, once Kate had promised to sing her a lullaby. The moment they were sure she was asleep, Rick's anger at Meredith, which he had buried for his daughter's sake, reared it's ugly head again, making him storm out of her room.

Kate caught him on the top of the stairs. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm gonna call her and tell what a shit mother she is and that Alexis is never going back to LA."

Kate shook her head. "Not right now Rick."

"Kate..." he growled, about to tell her to back off, when she set a calming hand on his forearm.

"Whether you call her today or tomorrow, it won't any difference. But you _cannot_ leave Alexis to go yell at her mother over the phone. You cannot leave her to do the _exact_ same thing her mother has done all weekend. That girl is going to start thinking no one wants her around. Spend some time with her, do something you both enjoy, _then _call the bitch and yell to your heart's content, but not today, not now."

Rick sighed and drew her into his chest. "It just, it rips me apart to see her like that."

"Me too. I have absolutely no idea how Meredith can have something so precious in her life and take her so badly for granted. But you can't let her get to you like this. Alexis needs her father to reassure her today, not Meredith's ex-husband to rant and rave at a woman on the other side of the country."

"You're right." Rick sighed into her hair.

"I usually am." Kate replied cheekily.

Rick chuckled.

"There you are." She murmured, holding him tighter. "I thought I'd lost you for a minute there."

Rick tightened his own hold, kissing the sensitive skin below her ear, loving that he could make her shudder when barely touching her. "Not to her, not ever." He promised.

"Good." Kate murmured softly.

They stood there for a few moments before Rick pulled back, about to say something when he noticed the tears on his girlfriend's cheeks. "Hey, you can't let this make you cry Kate." He soothed, running his thumb across her cheekbone.

"I just hate to see her in so much pain Rick." She husked.

Rick kissed her softly. "I know." He gently kissed her twice more before resting his lips against her forehead. "I need to pop out for a bit, you okay to stay with her while I'm gone?"

Kate nodded.

"Good. I won't be long." They kissed tenderly before Rick went down the stairs, noting that his mother had let herself out, and Kate went back to sit in Alexis' room. She'd missed her. A lot.


	40. Chapter 40

By the time Rick got back, Kate was in the kitchen, Alexis perched on her hip, while she mixed something in the bowl Alexis was holding.

"And what are my girls up to?" Rick asked, making Kate smiled gently before she turned to him. She could never let him know just how much she enjoyed him calling her 'his girl'.

"We are making brownies. We decided it was a good time for chocolate." Kate explained.

Rick nodded. "I agree." He quickly made his way over to the kitchen and kissed Alexis' crown before leaning round to reach Kate's cheek.

"They're nearly mixed." Alexis assured him. "Then they bake and then we can eat them, right?" She asked, looking up at Kate for confirmation.

She nodded. "That's right. They bake and then we let them cool a little so we won't burn ourselves, but then we get to eat them." She leaned down to blow a raspberry to her neck, thanking Rick's reflexes when Alexis dropped the bowl to push her off. Rick's expert catch earned him a kiss from Kate before she passed him Alexis and took the bowl, pouring the mixture onto the tray.

Rick couldn't help the grin that split his face at the domesticity of the situation. They were normally quite domestic, Kate had never left after coming to stay all those months ago, not that either of them were willing to bring it up, lest the other want to change the situation, but Kate baking in his kitchen with his daughter on her hip, her earlier calling Alexis 'theirs' instead of 'his', it made his heart trip in the best way.

"Where did you go by the way?" Kate asked as she slotted the tray into the oven and set the timer.

Rick smiled. "You told me to do something today that both me and Alexis enjoyed, right?" Kate nodded, cocking her hip to lean against the counter. "So I thought about it, and remembered that one time, shortly after Meredith left, that we went to laser tag." Alexis' head popped up at that. Both adults smiled. "And I remembered what fun it was."

Alexis nodded. "Daddy beat me first, but then I beat him, twice." She giggled, making Kate's smile grow.

"You did Pumpkin. So, I brought us a set." Kate wouldn't have been surprised if the five year old's eyes popped out she looked so excited.

"Wow! Thank you daddy." Rick beamed, his polite little girl.

"I got you a kit too Kate. Thought maybe you'd wanna play too?"

"Oh please? That would be so much fun." Alexis pleaded.

Kate smiled. "I can't say how good I'll be, but I'll certainly give it a go."

Alexis cheered, doubling Rick's proud smile.

"Can we play now?" Alexis asked.

"How about we get you a bath, freshen you up, stop you smelling like aeroplane," Rick chuckled, "and then we'll eat your delicious brownies," he winked at Kate, who granted him a shy smile while she looked at him from beneath her eye lashes, "and then we'll play until dinner or we get bored. Sound good?"

Alexis nodded enthusiastically.

"Good. Then let's go get you bathed." He made his way to the stairs, stopping to kiss Kate on the way. "You're brilliant, you know that?" He whispered in her ear. She blushed and kissed him again before he left her to it.

They played all afternoon.

Once Rick had assured Kate that she was to play properly, that Alexis would know if they let her win, she quickly picked it up.

Rick used the opportunity to play instructor, crowding around Kate's back, sliding his hand down her arm to 'help' her position her gun correctly, smoothing his palm down her thigh to 'correct her stance'. Kate wasn't fooled for a moment but let him have his fun. By the time they were done, she was trembling with more than adrenalin.

They decided to order Chinese for dinner.

Rick rang in their order and sent Alexis to get herself showered while he and Kate stumbled into their own, the trail of their clothing a near death hazard as their mouths never broke contact on the journey. It was quick, and a little rougher than he had dared all weekend, but still tender, still loving. And Kate seemed to enjoy the experience just as much as her partner.

Rick left her in the shower to go collect their dinner, giving her a few minutes extra to wash up and catch her breath before coming to join them.

The sultry smile she gave him, her warm palm slightly higher than decent on his thigh, made it hard for him to concentrate, and one look at Kate's face told him she knew exactly what she was doing. Payback was a bitch.

They saved the brownies until after, both Castles complementing Kate on her baking abilities. She shyly announced that it was her mom's recipe, garnering her a soft smile from Rick and another round of complements from Alexis.

Once they had put Alexis to bed together, Kate and Rick retired to their bedroom and practised being quiet for the next hour. They fell asleep tangled in each other's arms, neither of them thinking of Meredith or how badly she had hurt their precious little girl. That would come tomorrow, for now, they just enjoyed their night.


	41. Chapter 41

"No, Meredith." Castle's angry muffled voice filtered into Kate's consciousness as she came round to the awake world.

She looked down confusedly at the weight on her chest before realising Alexis had crawled into bed with them at some point during the night.

Kate gently ghosted her fingers across the girl's forehead, moving her sleep messy hair, revealing the tear tracks she had hoped wouldn't be there. With a soft sigh, Kate rolled them both until they were on their sides and slowly unhooked Alexis' tiny hand from where it was curled in her sleep shirt; something she was ever so glad she'd put on last night before they had fallen asleep. She slowly stepped out of the bed; tucking Alexis back in safely before making her way to the closed bedroom door.

"How dare you treat her like that?!" Rick raged, his back to Kate as he stared out of his office window.

Kate slipped out of the bedroom and shut the door silently behind her, taking the same precaution Rick did to keep Alexis from this.

"No. You see her once in a blue moon, and you spend the entire time, more interested in anything but _her_."

Kate couldn't hear the other side of the conversation save the shrill angered tone of her partner's ex.

"'_She doesn't need your attention all the time'_? Meredith she's _five_! She's a _child, _more to the point she's _your _child. How long do you think she's gonna want to hang around with her parents hmm? Two, three more years?... No I'm not being melodramatic. You're her _mother._ You should _want _to spend time with her... I don't care how important an audition was. You left her for your job and that beautiful forgiving little _Angel_ gives you chance, after chance, to step up to the plate and you let her down time and time again." Rick ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "I don't know about you, but I can't bear to see her hurt anymore. When you get your act together, and you _want _to see her, call me and we'll talk, until then, I don't want you in her life." He growled loudly. "This isn't about _Kate_."

Kate sighed, she had wondered if her place in the Castles' lives would cause problems with Meredith.

"At least she cares about her. At least she _tries..._ Meredith, I'm not having this conversation with you. Kate and I are together. Alexis adores her and Kate adores Alexis... Really? You wanna start that argument again? Fine. You do that. Because you can't look after her, you told me that, and he won't ever step up. I can tell you now; I am still the best residential option for Alexis... Why? Because I would do _anything _for her. I would lay down my life to keep her safe and happy and _you_ won't even lay down your _phone_. Yes I'm very aware of that Meredith, but she won't _ever_ know. I'm done talking about this." He hung up and dropped the phone onto his desk, sighing frustratedly and burying his head in his hands.

"You okay?" Kate asked softly after giving him a long moment to compose himself.

Rick nodded.

"Alexis is still asleep. I figured I was better off leaving her than waking her."

"Thanks."

Kate sighed. "Rick if I'm going to cause problems..."

Rick covered the distance between them in seconds and gently pushed her back into the closed bedroom door, capturing her lips with his before she could finish that sentence. He pulled back after a long moment.

"You're not going anywhere Kate. Meredith has no say in that."

Kate hummed, still dazed from his insistent kiss.

"I'll only ever let you walk away if you ask me to Kate, not for some misguided attempt to keep my ex sweet."

"I'm just saying..."

"I know." He murmured against her cheek. "I know and I appreciate that you're willing to walk away if it would make things better for Alexis or I, I really do, but it won't. She loves you Kate and I," he broke off and kissed her cheek softly, cupping her other in his hand. "She needs a maternal figure Kate, and Meredith won't ever step up enough to be that for her."

Kate wrapped her arms around his waist and held him tightly, noticing the tremor of latent adrenalin in his muscles. She was curious about the full extent of the conversation and who he was that wouldn't step up and what Alexis would never know, but Rick was her priority right now.

"Come back to bed Rick. Come cuddle with me and your daughter for an hour or so before we get up. It's too early for this."

Rick sighed and squeezed her for a moment before letting her take his hand and lead him back into the bedroom.


	42. Chapter 42

Author's Note-I hope this answers questions brought up by the last one. Also, this is for a very awesome person to whom I owe the world, and my life. Happy nearly birthday my Angel, see you tonight xx

* * *

Later, after they had played all day- letting Alexis choose their activities, thus playing laser tag again for hours- Kate found Rick sat alone in his office, staring at the blank screen before him, head in hands.

"Hey." She murmured as she leaned against the door jamb.

He looked up slowly, dragging his eyes to hers, offering her a weak smile. "Hey. You okay?"

Kate nodded and pushed off the wood, slowly making her way over to him, perching on the edge of his desk. "You're fight, with Meredith, this morning..." She filtered off, unwilling to push beyond what he was comfortable to share; unable to voice the conclusions her own imagination and mind had drawn. But she had to ask, had to know, even to only put her own thoughts to rest.

"Kate, ask your question." He murmured wearily, knowingly.

"She's not yours, is she?" While voiced as if a question, it was clear to them both it was anything but.

Rick shook his head slowly.

"When, uhh, how..." she stuttered desperately grasping at her composure, her heart already breaking for both her partner and the adorable little girl upstairs.

"Meredith and I were married for three months when she discovered she was pregnant with Alexis." Rick started slowly, resting his hand gently on Kate's knee, running his thumb up and down the seam of her jeans, needing the connection to the present as he relived that past. "I knew." He murmured. "I never for one moment supposed the baby would be mine."

Kate's breath hitched at the desolation on his face.

"She was determined to, she'd already booked the appointment, had the cheek to ask me to pay." He shook his head slowly. "I convinced her to keep her, to continue with the pregnancy."

"Why?" Kate couldn't help but ask.

Rick looked up at her, a little stunned.

"I mean, having met Alexis, having _loved_ her, I'm ever so grateful that you did but before that, when it was just your wife pregnant with another man's child..."

Rick squeezed her knee gently.

"Once upon a time, I thought Meredith was the most beautiful woman in the world, and I knew any child of hers would be stunning, whether or not they shared my genes. And I'd always wanted kids."

Kate's heart broke just a little more. He had wanted children so badly he'd take the child his wife and another man had created.

"So, nine months later, Alexis was born. I'd been right. She was _stunning_."

"Still is." Kate offered, receiving a slight upward turn of his mouth for her efforts.

"Alexis was about three weeks old when the attraction wore off for Meredith. She started paying less attention to the baby, doing less. By the time she was six months old, Meredith started going on "business trips" for "roles". She'd be gone for weeks, sometimes months. She'd call every few days; never ask about the baby unless prompted. Eventually, I stopped prompting."

He sighed, the sound covering Kate's slip in composure as the first tear fell in tandem to her breathing hitching.

"I always knew Alexis wasn't mine. Knew from the beginning, knew for sure when she was born. We just never brought it up. It was convenient for us all. Meredith had a babysitter so she never needed to see her daughter unless it suited her, I had the child I had always wanted, and Alexis had a parent who loved her and would do anything for her. Win, win, win." He shrugged.

"I knew she was cheating on me every time she went away. She wasn't exactly subtle and I'm not as dumb as I sometimes look. But I just didn't care. I had Alexis, my whole life revolved around that little girl, so my wife playing away wasn't even a blip on my radar. The first time she brought it home with her, the first time she exposed our daughter to that; it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I wouldn't have Alexis frightened by her mother bringing strange men into her home. That was the time I told you about. That argument was also the first time she confirmed that I wasn't Alexis' dad. Screamed at me in an argument wasn't exactly what I had in mind."

Kate barely contained a sob at the thought.

"She said she was leaving- well I kicked her out- and she said that she would fight me for Alexis, that she was her mother and that I wasn't anything to her, it would be an easy battle. I told her, rather foolishly, to do her worst. I knew she would never want to be a full time mother, that her taking Alexis would be about power, rather than an actual need, or want, to have her daughter full time. I also knew, even if she could identify who it was that fathered Alexis, he would never step up. Meredith wasn't a _huge_ star, but her pregnancy had been in the papers. If he had wanted to step up, he would have by now. About a month after Meredith left, I received a phone call from her, telling me she wouldn't fight me for custody. That I was the best thing for Alexis and she knew I would love and care for her for as long as she lived. She was very drunk at the time, hence the honesty, but she never again seriously threatened to take Alexis from me. Sure, she throws it in an argument every now and then, but I know that she doesn't mean it."

Kate sobbed and Rick's gaze snapped to her before pulling her across his lap, letting her bury her face into his neck.

"I'm so sorry Rick." She murmured tearfully.

Rick shook his head. "Don't be sorry Kate. I have Alexis, I was happy with my end of the deal. But Kate, may I ask a favour?"

"Anything." Kate agreed quickly, pulling back to see him, wiping her eyes. "Anything, you know that."

"You can't ever tell her..."

"Never." Kate interrupted. "It isn't my place..."

"Your place is with me." Rick squeezed her, letting her know that wasn't up for debate. "None of this changes that. But Kate, you have to promise not to treat her differently now you know she isn't mine. You can't..."

"Rick, I _love_ that little girl. And she's yours. In every way but blood, every way that _matters_. That won't ever change in my eyes. I love her as your _daughter_ and nothing could _ever_ effect that."

Rick kissed her gently, cupping her back of her head, them both tasting each other's desperation.

"Thank you Kate."

Kate shook her head. "Always."


	43. Chapter 43

Author's Note-Several things. One, I would like to direct your attention to Arya's prayers review if you have any questions about the conversation between Rick and Kate in the last chapter and about Rick's decisions regarding Alexis. She hit the nail completely on the head so go read it.

Two, college is killing me. Chapters are likely to be updated once a week if I'm lucky at this rate.

Three, I now know how I'm going to end this story, I just have to write us there, which leads me to point four actually.

Expect a time jump of a few months soon. It's needed so I'm not dragging out the story too much, but after that there won't be too many chapters so watch out for that.

And lastly, I know this is a little on the short side, but I'm doing it instead of my homework right now so you're lucky to get this much. Enjoy. NYLF xx

* * *

The next morning, Kate found herself making a conscious effort not to see Alexis as anything other than the little girl she had come to love.

And she hated it.

How was it so easy for Rick, to look at his daughter and know that she wasn't, yet it so difficult for Kate, someone who had no standing in the issue?

If Rick noticed, he didn't mention it.

He stood behind Alexis as she sat at the breakfast bar and braided her hair, ready for their swimming session later.

His building had its own gym and private pool, something both Castle's liked to take advantage of as often as possible.

Today, Kate was joining them.

She had made such a big thing of letting Rick and Alexis still have something that was just for them that it had taken nearly eight months and Alexis' pleading for her to finally agree that it could be a daddy/daughter/Kate thing, neither adult secure enough to call them a family and Alexis not sure she was allowed to say it outside of her own head.

Rick tied the elastic around the end of the braid and squeezed Alexis' shoulders. "All done, Pumpkin." He smiled.

"Thanks daddy." Alexis giggled. "Kate next."

Kate chuckled from her place beside the girl, shooting Rick a hot look. "I can braid my own hair, although, you could help me tie my costume if you like?"

Rick gulped.

From what he'd seen so far, her costume was a black two piece and contained barely enough material to be suitable for the five year old between them to see.

"I can do that." He eventually murmured, sliding behind Kate and ever so slowly taking the two ties from their resting places on her shoulders and tying them in a bow, tight enough to keep them together, but still loose enough that he could tug them open later. He pressed an open mouth kiss just below her ear, relishing in the suppressed shiver she barely managed to conceal from the child. "All done." He husked in her ear.

"Thank you Rick." She murmured, tilting her head to capture his lips in a clinging kiss, until Alexis cleared her little throat, making both adults remember she was there.

"We ready?" Rick asked, smiling for his daughter broadly.

She nodded enthusiastically.

"Good. Let's go." He called, slinging their bag over his shoulder and grabbing his keys while Kate crouched, letting Alexis jump on her back. Kate secured her hands over the five year old's legs and made sure she had a good grip on her shoulders before standing and following Rick over to the door.

She kissed him quickly as she passed, pausing while Alexis did the same before passing through the door, letting a laughing Rick close and lock the door before they made their way over to the elevators.

Kate pulled Alexis' shirt over her head, leaving her to unfasten and pull down her jeans while Kate undressed herself.

"I like having a girl come swimming." Alexis declared as she folded her clothes and passed them to Kate, to put into their locker.

"And why's that Jellyfish?" Kate asked, the nickname referring to the girl's pale pink suit with a translucent pink ruffled skirt around the waist.

Alexis giggled. "Because otherwise, I'd have had to go in with daddy and I'm a _girl_." She huffed adorably.

"You are, very good." Kate smiled, checking the ties on both sides of her bikini bottoms and the ones around her back and around her neck, securing her top, to make sure they wouldn't come loose, before taking Alexis' hand.

"Kate?" Alexis asked slowly, a shy little note that intrigued her guardian.

"Yes Alexis?" Kate asked softly, bending to her level.

"Did I do something wrong?" Her voice just got tinier.

Kate sighed and pulled her close, her eyes slipping closed as regret flooded her synapses.

"No Angel. I'm sorry. I've had a weird morning." Not a lie. "I'm sorry if I made you feel like it was you." Definitely not a lie. "I'll make it up to you Baby."

Alexis shook her head. "No need." She sank deeper into Kate's chest for a moment before pulling back and putting her hands on the woman's cheeks. "Just checking." She smiled at her brightly and took Kate's hand as she stood up.

With one last sigh, Kate led them to the pool.


End file.
